Blogaround

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. Happily Never After: The Curious Case of Love and Respect (Deep Dive) (February 5, 1-hour-15-minute video) This is a deep dive into the book "Love and Respect," which is the best selling Christian marriage book. The overall thesis of the book is that women need love and men need respect. If your husband is not treating you right, you can solve all your marriage problems by respecting him more. By never disagreeing with him. By never bringing up any problems. As it turns out, this is extremely bad advice. (This is part 1 in a 3-part series.)

2. No ID, No Support, No Plan: Michigan's wrongfully convicted launch app to fill reentry gaps (March 5) "Unlike parolees, who often have months of notice before being released and access to reentry services, exonerees may be released with as little as a few hours' warning and no support at all."

3. New NHS England Review Excluded 97% Of All Trans Studies To Say Care Doesn't Work (March 11) "These 10 reviews are not science. They are the machinery of a government that has decided to eliminate transgender healthcare and is working backward from that conclusion."

4. Technical Debt Collectors: China’s Coders Count Cost of AI Errors (March 12) "When programmers point out an error, the AI will apologize and acknowledge the problem, Wei says. But the new code it produces often introduces new bugs somewhere else, and the process repeats."

5. What Do We Owe the Insufferable? (January 30, via) "Liberals and leftists, committed to deinstitutionalization and autonomy, respond by 'pretending that mental illness never results in antisocial behavior, much less violent crime.'"

6. Home Remedies (March 9) From xkcd.

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Links related to the antichrist:

1. Photos from Iran and across the Middle East as the war enters Week 2 (March 10)

2. Thousands in New York City must work to keep SNAP food benefits. ‘The pressure is on.’ (March 3, via) "But a measure pushed by Congressional Republicans and the Trump administration will require about 123,000 New Yorkers to prove that they are working, volunteering or in school beginning in March. This now includes veterans, homeless people, youth aging out of foster care, and parents with children older than 14. It also means that some seniors who had retired under the old rules will now have to go back to work to continue getting food benefits."

3. NYU Langone faces Wednesday deadline to resume gender-affirming care for minors (March 11) "But state officials said NYU Langone’s move violated New York’s sweeping human rights law, which bans discrimination based on an individual’s gender identity. Attorney General Letitia James’ office gave NYU Langone until March 11 to resume the procedures."

4. Statue depicting Trump, Epstein as Jack, Rose from 'Titanic' appears on National Mall (March 11)

5. The U.S. Built a Blueprint to Avoid Civilian War Casualties. Trump Officials Scrapped It. (March 10)

6. Is the US Military Trying to Bring Back Jesus? (March 14) "I absolutely 100% believe that some military leaders are using Evangelical Christian end times prophesy to generate excitement for troops to go into battle. That’s been happening for years, and they need it now more than ever considering that the past few wars in the Middle East were actually popular, while this one is not."

7. House GOP leadership silent as more members post anti-Muslim statements (March 14)

About Vulnerability, Boundaries, and Oversharing

Book cover for "Daring Greatly"

I read Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. It's about the importance of "being vulnerable." This means things like: Sharing your feelings with other people, instead of pretending that you always have everything under control. Trying new things, rather than avoiding this because of fear of failure. Stop being a perfectionist- which is defined as believing that you need to do everything perfectly, because if people see you as less than perfect, you believe it means you are worthless. As leaders, cultivating a culture (at work, school, in a family, etc) where people are not shamed or criticized for making mistakes- this way, it is easier for people to learn from their mistakes and do better.

This is great. Definitely recommend this book if you want to learn more about shame and vulnerability. For myself, though, I felt like I already understood a lot of this. And there was something that was bothering me as I was reading: Does "vulnerability" mean just letting people see your real, raw emotions? Like just letting anyone see that? Is that a good thing? No, I don't think that's a good thing- I believe in boundaries instead.

Blogaround

Movie poster for "Zootopia 2." Image source.

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. I saw "Zootopia 2" and I loved it! My favorite part was the whole dynamic between Nick and Judy. Also the animation is very good, and the action scenes were exciting. And the plot is about systemic injustice, like the first "Zootopia" movie.

2. It’s One of the Most Influential Social Psychology Studies Ever. Was It All a Lie? (November 25) "To the contrary, Kelly says, the Seekers were quick to disavow those beliefs. Even Martin herself rebranded, insisting to an interviewer that she had never believed she’d be taken away by an actual spaceship."

3. Inverted Catenaries (December 3) From xkcd.

4. Stuck in the Mud: Climate Chaos Deepens Divide on China’s Farmlands (December 4) "But this autumn, after weeks of rain turned Henan’s fields into mud, the usual wheeled harvesters bogged down at the field edges. In Jiaozuo, where the soil can trap water for days, Zhang’s treaded rig kept crawling through the muck, one of the few machines in the region that could move at all."

5. There’s a stain on my notebook where your coffee cup was (December 2) "But beyond that narrow sense of “political,” of course, everything about this is political because it’s all about what is and isn’t “normal” or normative, and who decides that, and how it is or ought to be enforced."

6. Investigating a Possible Scammer in Journalism’s AI Era (November 19, via) "The stories had the characteristic weirdness of articles written by a large language model—invented anecdotes from regular people who didn’t appear to exist accompanied by expert commentary from public figures who do, with some biographical details mangled, who are made to voice “quotes” that sound, broadly, like something they might say."

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Links related to the antichrist:

1. For the first time since 1988, the U.S. is not officially commemorating World AIDS Day (December 1) "'I think it's emblematic of an administration that doesn't seem to care,' said Mitchell Warren, the executive director of AVAC, a global HIV prevention organization based in the U.S."

2. They’re doing to America what they did to Christianity (November 23) "We have watched over the years as rightwing evangelical churches turned the Jesus we grew up with into exactly the opposite of who we understood him to be." Hear, hear.

3. Ohio senator introduces measure to eliminate dual citizenship (December 2) !!! Not cool! This is just a bill so hopefully it doesn't get anywhere. But yikes.

4. The Summers-Epstein Emails’ ‘Yellow Peril’ Problem (December 3) "Harvard professor Larry Summers has been widely criticized for his extensive correspondence with sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. But the denigrating way he views Asian women hasn’t gotten enough attention."

5. Will Hegseth Face Consequences? (December 2) "Faced with a congressional inquiry, Trump, to protect himself, gave clear public orders to Hegseth not to murder survivors and commit war crimes. You may think this should go without saying. I may think this should go without saying. But obviously it does not go without saying—especially since the White House went on to maybe possibly contradict those orders."

And: 'Franklin' publisher slams Hegseth for his post of the turtle firing on drug boats (December 2) "'We strongly condemn any denigrating, violent or unauthorized use of Franklin's name or image, which directly contradicts these values,' it added."

Here’s what the Trump administration has said about the ‘double-tap’ strike on an alleged drug boat (December 3, via) A timeline.

Did Megyn Kelly say she wanted to see survivors of strike on alleged drug boat 'suffer'? (December 3) Oh my goodness.

6. As Trump's immigration raids hit New Orleans, a Chicago group shares resistance tips (December 3) "This, Gonzalez said, was always the goal of Protect RP: to make immigration enforcement operations in the neighborhood uncomfortable and inefficient. If they do that well enough, Gonzalez said, maybe enforcement agents would conclude that the cost of doing work in his neighborhood is simply too high."

7. She was deported after boarding a flight to Austin. Her attorney says that violates a judge's order. (December 2) "'At the end of the day, this is a college student who came here at 7 years old to seek asylum with her family,' Pomerleau said. 'She's not responsible under the law for any decisions her parents made about her. She was a child.'"

8. Doctors warn delaying hepatitis B shot for newborns could revive a deadly threat (December 3) [content note: child death] "'Liver cancer has disappeared in children,' McMahon said. 'We haven't seen a case since 1995. Nor do we have any children under 30 that have gotten infected that we know of.'"

9. 'Nobody wants to come': What if the U.S. can no longer attract immigrant physicians? (November 24) "Up until this year, it was a dream — a wish! — that you could get a job and you could come to the U.S. And now nobody wants to come."

10. GEOGRAPHY QUIZ: Can You Find 'Third' Countries Trump Bribing To Take Deportees On A Map? (December 4) "It’s corrupt, it’s wasteful, it’s inhumane, and also, if these deportees are truly the hardened criminals that Donald J. Trump claims they are, it is not justice to send them somewhere that will happily pocket the cash and then lose all track of them."

Blogaround

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. Big and Little Spoons (November 10) From xkcd.

2. Disney stopped being about romance and started being about trauma (November 10) "In short, these days, Disney/Pixar teaches that you become an adult when you come to terms with your shitty parents."

3. You Aren’t In The DSM (October, via) "Like the Danaids’ jars, diagnoses leak relevance and accuracy as they move across contexts. And yet — the task goes on, because clinicians still need a shared language, insurers still need billing codes, governments still need their statistics, and researchers still need clear descriptions of who to enroll in clinical trials."

This is a really good article about the history and purpose of the DSM, and how that's incompatible with the way that average people understand it. It's useful to have standardized definitions of psychological conditions, for sort of big-picture generalizations about what these conditions are and the guidelines that should be used for treatment- but patients are now viewing their mental health situation like they "have" a certain condition, like it's a thing inside them that's causing their symptoms. That's not what it is at all. These diagnoses are just ways of labelling a cluster of symptoms, and the labels can be used as keywords to find other people who have had similar experiences and what helped them- but that's all it is. Just the variations in the range of human experience, and we find it helpful to group them into categories and label them, but the label doesn't describe an actual *thing*.

4. Axios tried to shame Christian U.S. Senate candidate James Talarico—and ended up exposing itself (November 11) "That’s why the threat of a not-weird white Christian who can comfortably speak about his faith without using it as a weapon against the marginalized poses a real challenge to Republicans. They don’t know how to fight someone like him."

5. Internet Archive’s legal fights are over, but its founder mourns what was lost (November 3, via) "In the end, the fight led to more than 500,000 books being removed from the Archive’s 'Open Library.'"

6. The Chinese College Student Who Took on Annoying Elevator Ads (November 12) !!! I too am annoyed by video screens in elevators playing ads. This is a thing here in Shanghai- is it a thing in other places? In the previous apartment that we lived in, the elevator had a tv screen that was always playing some little jingles and ads. I have, like, a moral objection to this, because you're stuck there in that small space and they want to force these ads on you. I've even been in elevators that have some kind of projector that projects the ads onto the elevator doors after they close. Not cool.

7. Does the news reflect what we die from? (October 6, via) "Heart disease and cancer accounted for 56% of deaths among these 15 causes, but together they received just 7% of the media coverage."

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Links related to the antichrist:

1. US supreme court rejects call to overturn decision legalizing same-sex marriage (November 10, via) Good news.

2. “My Community Is Under Invasion from Our Own Federal Gov’t”: Evanston Mayor Decries ICE Raids in Illinois (November 6, via) "But I feel that our residents have been attacked by a lawless entity, and we can’t just stand by and pretend this is acceptable."

3. ‘A classic authoritarian tactic’: outrage over Trump’s pardons for friends and allies (November 11) "Donald Trump’s unprecedented pardoning spree for political and business friends since returning to the White House has prompted warnings from ex-prosecutors and legal scholars of “corrupt” pay-to-play schemes, conflicts of interest and blatant partisanship."

Trump pardons Giuliani and others accused of plot to overturn 2020 election (November 10)

4. My husband laughed so hard over the fact that the Supreme Court is trying to figure out if tariffs are taxes. He says, in Chinese 'tariff' is 关税 and 'tax' is 税. It's right there in the name. It is obvious to anyone who speaks Chinese. Why do you need the Supreme Court to tell you this.

Who Gives Permission to Autistic Adults?

Stamp that says "Approved." Image source.

If you don't like something, can you just not do it?

Some things, yes, I can avoid without needing to think about it, and without anyone thinking I'm weird for it. I don't wear skinny jeans, because they're so tight, the fabric is touching me, I can't have fabric touching me like that, I just can't. But nobody cares whether or not I wear skinny jeans. Nobody tries to make me wear them. I avoid skinny jeans because of autistic reasons, but this behavior is invisible to everyone. And for myself, it wasn't like I agonized over it, like "am I allowed to not buy skinny jeans?" For clothes, I just buy whatever I want, obviously.

For a lot of other things, though, I want to know "am I allowed to not do this?"

Am I allowed to go to an amusement park and not ride roller coasters? Am I allowed to not watch a fireworks show?

Am I allowed to choose to work in a job where I don't have to interact with tons of people? Am I allowed to take sensory issues into consideration when choosing a job? For these questions, I literally had never even thought about that, until I read the book "Asperger's on the Job" which I reviewed on the blog in 2017. It was so shocking to me, how the book asked readers to think through their specific autistic needs- about social interaction, need for structured routines, sensory stuff, etc- and take that into account when choosing a job. Really? Take that into account? Is that allowed? I had always thought... if you just can't work in some certain kind of environment, well that is just a silly thing you have to get over. Just get over it and be a normal person about it. Don't treat it as an actual real need that should be treated seriously and accommodated.

When you're an undiagnosed autistic child, you get forced into lots of stuff that you're not comfortable with. The adults say you have to learn to get used to it, you can't avoid it forever. The adults look into the future and imagine how limiting, how embarrassing it would be, if you lived your whole life, into adulthood, so immature that you can't tolerate some normal thing that everyone else is fine with. No no no, they won't let you grow into someone so pathetic. You have to get used to these things, as a child. Get used to them, and become a normal person, seeing your future of normalcy and non-wimpiness laid out before you. See, that's the future you want, right?

Am I allowed? Am I allowed to treat my sensory pain as a real thing, and take real steps to avoid stimuli that cause it? No, you're not allowed- if you do that, you're going down the path to being the wimp. No, get on the path to being a normal person instead.

At some point, as an adult, I had this wild idea that maybe I *could* just avoid things that cause me sensory pain. Could I? Who would give me permission? This is something I have discussed with 2 different therapists before, maybe because I was working off a model of therapy that says the therapist is the person who can give this kind of permission. (But now I no longer think this is a correct view of what therapy is.) 

When I told them about it, I was coming from a framework of "Common thinking is that I should try as hard as I can to be normal, and it's not okay that I have these sensory issues. But I just thought of this groundbreaking new idea, it sounds totally wild but hear me out, what if I avoid these things, and (if necessary) politely explain to people that I just can't- I know this idea is so strange and unheard-of, but I've really thought through it and here are my reasons, do you think it's okay?" I didn't say all that, obviously- those were background assumptions that I had, that I didn't even realize it was possible to have different beliefs on.

And they didn't really give me the response I wanted- they treated it as pretty unremarkable that I could take care of myself in this way. They didn't take it like some huge controversial thing that I would need permission for. Okay...

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Sometimes on the internet, I happen across articles that people have written which explain the habits they use to help them get things done/ think more clearly/ be healthy/ etc. Sometimes this is in the context of ADHD (or similar), like "I've always had trouble focusing and getting things done- but here is the system I came up with that works for me." And sometimes they don't mention any kind of neurodiverse reason that they needed to come up with such a complicated system- but umm honestly, the kind of person who develops a whole quirky system to manage their daily life, and then writes a long article about it... I mean, I have my suspicions about whether that's a neurotypical thing to do.

I think it's great that people find their own unique system that works for them, and great that they write about it, to show readers an example. I don't think I've seen any such articles that had suggestions that were directly useful to me personally, but I love the idea of structuring your life in a way that's extremely weird, just because that's what's helpful for you. A lifetime of experience living as yourself will teach you what common "productivity tips" don't work for you, and will make you the most qualified person to find the ones that *will* work for you.

I love the idea of finding what works for you, and doing it, without needing permission.

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Is it okay to not try to be "normal"? Is it okay to know myself and my own needs, and take deliberate action that doesn't fit with society's opinion about how people "should" act? How do I know if it's okay? Who can give this permission?

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Related:

Is Therapy About Becoming "Normal"?

“Easy” Jobs and “Hard” Jobs 

"Color Taste Texture" (a cookbook for autistics/ anyone with food aversions)

Blogaround

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. Real Talk: Why China’s Deaf Creators Feel Pressured to Sell Out (September 15) "In this context, the recasting of deaf people as “cute, submissive, and longing for love” trivializes Deaf culture as something to be consumed rather than taken seriously."

Also from Sixth Tone: Street Smart: Why China’s 5-Star Hotels Are Now Cooking Curbside (September 18) "At Kang’s hotel in Henan, a 398-yuan set meal was quickly undercut by rivals offering similar packages for 358 — then 298 yuan. 'Now everyone’s on the street,' he said, 'selling even cheaper takeaway.'"

2. A humanitarian expert says civilians in Gaza City are facing an 'impossible choice' (September 17) "Right now, people in Gaza City are facing an impossible choice: live under bombardment and famine or risk the dangerous journey to the south, where they know that there are no services that can accommodate them, that there's no aid to be distributed to help them in their displacement.What we are witnessing is mass forcible transfer of Palestinians from Gaza City, which is a war crime and must be stopped."

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Links related to the antichrist:

1. Charlie Kirk, Redeemed: A Political Class Finds Its Lost Cause (September 16) "Can they truly be so ignorant to the words of a man they have so rushed to memorialize? I don’t know. But the most telling detail in Klein’s column was that, for all his praise, there was not a single word in the piece from Kirk himself."

And: Why did alleged assassin target Kirk? Evidence paints complicated picture (September 18, via) Yeah, the "leftist" parts of the internet are all taking this "he was a groyper! he was far-right!" and running with it, but I don't think we really know that for sure. Let's not spread misinformation. I don't like the idea (which both sides are promoting) that once we find the killer's motive and ideology, we can use it to make big sweeping statements about "the left" or "the right."

Sen. Chris Murphy warns Trump is exploiting Kirk's death to squash dissent (September 16)

2. Who Can Get a COVID Vaccine? (September 17) "So! I know that it’s all very confusing, but please don’t just get overwhelmed and give up."

3. GOP lawmaker pulls measure to allow Marco Rubio to revoke US passports (September 16) "But the new measure would have significantly escalated these efforts by targeting US citizens."

4. ABC pulls Jimmy Kimmel off air after comments made about the Charlie Kirk killing (September 18) In all the coverage I've seen of this, I haven't seen any actual comments from Kimmel saying anything bad about Charlie Kirk. He just said the right is politicizing it, that the killer is also far-right, and that the president doesn't seem to be mourning like a normal person.

WGA Statement on ABC’s Decision to Pull Jimmy Kimmel Live! (September 17) "Shame on those in government who forget this founding truth."

5. Trump moves to scrub national parks sites of signs that cast America in a 'negative light' (September 17) "Park employees also flagged a panel that reads: 'As the new federal government embraced the lofty concept of liberty, slavery in the President's House ... mocked the nation's pretense to be a beacon of liberty.'"

6. Most American Jews say Trump is using antisemitism as an 'excuse' to silence free speech at universities (September 17)

7. RFK Jr. wants to end mental health screenings in schools. Experts say it's a bad idea (September 16) "U.S. Health Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr and Education Secretary Linda McMahon want schools to do away with mental health screenings and therapy. Instead, they argue in a Washington Post opinion piece that schools 'must return to the natural sources of mental well-being: strong families, nutrition and fitness, and hope for the future.'" Oh, so just telling everyone to try harder to be normal, instead of recognizing that mental health is a real thing.

This article does a good job explaining what school mental health screening is and why it's just a common-sense way to identify kids who might possibly need help. Not about labels and stigmas.

8. Judge criticizes Trump admin, blocks effort to quickly deport children to Guatemala (September 19) "The administration’s initial argument that the effort was all about reunifying children with their parents, Kelly wrote, 'crumbled like a house of cards about a week later.'"

9. Judge orders Columbia activist Mahmoud Khalil to be deported to Algeria or Syria (September 18, via) "'It is no surprise that the Trump administration continues to retaliate against me for my exercise of free speech,' Khalil said in the statement. 'Their latest attempt, through a kangaroo immigration court, exposes their true colors once again.'"

His lawyers are still fighting this though. It's not over.

Is Therapy About Becoming "Normal"?

A parking pass sitting on a therapist's couch, saying, "I dunno, doc, I guess I'm just always waiting for someone else to validate me." Image source.

Trying to organize my thoughts about what exactly therapy *is*.

For most of my life, I have conceptualized therapy like this: The purpose of therapy is to become normal. There are 2 types of people in the world: normal people and messed-up people. Very binary. If you find that your emotional difficulties are so bad that you start to think "maybe it's because I'm one of the messed-up people," you should get yourself to therapy real quick and get yourself fixed, to be normal. Better do it right away, before anyone notices that you're a messed-up person- because messed-up people deserve to be mocked by normal people.

(Don't take this as me being mean and judging other people- I'm talking about this because it's how I saw myself, when I was in middle school going to therapy for the first time.)

Basically, it was the idea that the world is fine just the way it is, and you should be fine with it. If you are having emotional difficulties with the state of the world, that's a *you* problem, and you need to get yourself straightened out behind closed doors so that your weirdness doesn't bother any normal people.

Sometimes I would hear people say "I used to have [some really bad psychological issue which was interfering with life]. But then I went to therapy, and now, well, I still [kind of have this problem to a lesser extent], it's not totally gone, but now it's manageable because I have learned how to [whatever they learned in therapy]." I interpreted this to mean that the goal of the therapy was that they would "become normal," ie, not have that problem at all any more, but that the therapy was only partly successful- perhaps because whatever variety of "messed-up" they are is incurable, perhaps because they didn't work hard enough in therapy to "get over it." I took it to mean that, even though the therapy didn't totally "work," they are trying to put a positive spin on it- at least they are able to handle life better than they used to, even though they're still not a "normal person."

And also, I thought therapists had inscrutable methods that clients weren't really supposed to understand- you just trust the therapist and go along with whatever they want you to do. I thought that if I knew the "big picture," if I knew the "strategy" that the therapist was using to address my issues, that would sort of "spoil" it. Like it wouldn't work if I had an understanding of the overall plan- I should simply experience it in the moment as it happens to me. 

These are the assumptions I had about what therapy is, what the purpose is- nobody ever really explicitly spelled it out like this, but that's what I thought it was.

But now I think, maybe it's more like this: There aren't "normal people" and "messed-up people." Everyone has difficulties in their life, everyone has feelings, everyone has healthy or unhealthy ways they deal with their problems and feelings. It's a spectrum, not a binary. And there could be a large variety of reasons why you might have more difficulty with something that other people do- related to your personality, experiences you've had in the past, etc- none of that means you're a "messed-up" person and you should be embarrassed- it just means that's how your own specific circumstances happened to overlap. For other people, they overlap differently. 

And therapy is about learning tools and strategies to be more emotionally healthy. Maybe other people- "normal" people- don't seem to need that, because the strategies they already have are working okay for their circumstances- but if you need more help, there's nothing wrong with that. 

It's not about becoming a "normal person." It's not about trying to get you back to this baseline of being like everybody else- NO ONE is like everyone else. It's about taking where you are as a starting point and working from there. What would be helpful to you, where you are right now? The goal is not to have the same emotional response as a "normal person" would. The goal is to manage your emotions such that you're able to live your life in a healthy way. What that looks like for you could be very different from how it looks for other people.

It's not about getting all your weirdnesses "fixed" behind closed doors so nobody ever realizes you're not "normal." It's about learning how to live in a reasonable and healthy way while still being a person who has/ had/ is susceptible to those "weirdnesses." (Because *everybody* has "weirdnesses" like that to some extent.) Maybe that means you avoid certain situations. Maybe it's about how you communicate your feelings and needs to other people. Maybe it's about being aware of your thought patterns. Etc. 

The way I see it now is, you are in charge of your own life, your own body, your own health. Therapy can be a useful tool to help you move your life in the direction that you want to go. It's not the therapist being in charge of you and telling you what to do and what's right for your life- it's you making the decisions, deciding what your own goals are, and choosing to use the therapist's services if you feel that would be helpful.

And about diagnoses- I don't think there's an "absolute truth" about whether you "have" or "don't have" various psychological conditions. Life is full of raw data, the experiences and feelings we have every day, and there's not one "correct" way to summarize that raw data into a useful model of how your brain works. But it can be helpful to put labels on this, in order to understand and communicate your feelings better, and to find useful information about what strategies have been helpful for other people. I'm thinking of labels like "autism" or "depression," based on my own experiences- but this idea that there's not an "absolute truth" and you are allowed to use a label if it's helpful for you, comes from my experiences in the queer community.

As for whether I should know the big picture, or if I'm just a helpless person that therapy happens to- well, if I see a therapist again in the future, I would definitely talk to them about their overall strategy. I want to understand how it's supposed to work, what the therapist thinks the goal is, etc. 

What do they teach in therapist school? I want to know.

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Related

I Figured Out What The 1-10 Pain Scale Is Actually About 

Doctors (part 3 of Autism & Teaching Kids to Protect Themselves)

When the Teacher Says, "Don't Look at Your Report Card"

Blogaround

1. Every Source for The Chosen's "Anointing the Passover Lamb" Goes Back to the Same Person (July 8) The most bonkers part of this is the possibility that this really is a historical tradition, but it was lost to time and nobody wrote it down, and then some time around 2010 we find out about it because Jesus himself reveals it to some pastor. Which, if you're evangelical and you have a "personal relationship with God" then that is totally a real thing that could happen. But also, if it did, what on earth would we- other Christians who didn't hear from Jesus personally- do with it? There's not really any reasonable mechanism by which Jesus could reveal this true information, out of the blue in the year 2010, and have it recognized as real. Or, I guess maybe if Jesus revealed the exact same thing to a whole bunch of people at the same time? Maybe?

2. HSDD was not the beginning nor the end (July 18) "It was an obscure diagnosis, and in all my years I have not heard even a single anecdote of an ace getting diagnosed. And that’s not to say that aces didn’t have issues with psychologists. Ace-competent mental health care is a broader issue that extends beyond a single diagnosis, and continues to be a problem long after DSM 5."

3. Beam of Light (July 15) From xkcd.

4. Baidu’s Robotaxi Stirs Up Controversy (July 22) 3-minute video about Baidu's driverless taxi, in China.

5. East Vs. West (July 21) "We can’t see that from here, but from over there — from, say, some airport in Beijing — we’d have the perspective to view that connectedness and kinship as an indisputable and wonderful fact. We’re not strangers — we share the same continent." As an immigrant in China, I can 100% confirm this.

6. Wednesday Was 'Mass Deportation Now!' Night At The RNC, Everything Totally Excellent For Sure (July 18) What on EARTH. As an immigrant, this is what scares me the most about the Republican party platform right now. I mean, I'm an immigrant in China so it doesn't affect me, but I understand what it's like to work so hard to build a life for yourself in a foreign country, and how traumatic it would be if that country suddenly decided you were bad and needed to be deported.

Support all immigrants.

7. I Want A Popsicle!: A Story about Dealing With Anger (July 23) "A bilingual children's book for AAPI families written by a psychologist that teaches children how to manage their emotions." This sounds really cool!

8. Women athletes are being abused, and the helpful media aren't helping. (June 5) "This trend punishes those who are skilled, who are excellent, who are fast, who are strong. This trend punishes those who gain notice, gain visibility, within a small community or on a national stage."

9. Would you pay to be able to quit TikTok and Instagram? You’d be surprised how many would (July 23, via) "The finding is a measure of the extent to which many, many users hate TikTok and Instagram — even though they feel compelled to use them. To make clear the bizarre nature of his finding, Bursztyn drew the the conference’s attention to another product, a refrigerator. Could you imagine, he asked, 60% of refrigerator owners saying they wished fridges didn’t exist?"

10. When Modesty Rules Make Drowning More Likely (July 24) "I did not do this personally, but it was normal in my fundy circles for girls to swim in ankle length denim skirts."

"Desperate for God"

Image text: "Chorus: And I / I'm desperate for you / And I / I'm lost without out (x2)" Image source.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

- Matthew 11:28-30

---

Here's a recent post from Sheila Wray Gregoire, Valentine's Day: What If Marriage Isn't Supposed To Be That Hard?, which raises the idea that maybe the women who write books about marriage do so specifically because they are in bad marriages and they're trying to cope. (The post also argues against the "marriage is hard" concept. I totally agree with Gregoire here- very not cool how people always say "marriage is hard." Then if you're in an abusive marriage, you will think that's normal because "marriage is hard." My marriage is not hard!)

Here's a quote from the post:

When a woman in a destructive marriage who is a good writer and has communication skills needs to process what she’s going through, and speaking opportunities are open for her, and then soon book deals, it’s natural that these women will write about relationship advice. And so it shouldn’t be surprising if our marriage advice is disproproportionately written/given by women in destructive marriages.

...

I’m not saying that writers write deliberately to process their situations. I’m saying that when you’re in the midst of an untenable situation, and you’re desperate to make sense of it, you tell yourself fervently a lot of stuff about God. And teaching it becomes another way to prove to yourself that everything is actually okay and you’re fine. 

Wow, this is a really fascinating hypothesis. What if, in Christian culture, the writers who are seen as authorities on "how to have a godly marriage" disproportionately have unhealthy marriages? What if the women in unhealthy marriages are doing a lot of very hard work to convince themselves that everything's okay, and to keep obeying "God's" commands about submitting to their husbands, and because they are doing so much work, and they're so dedicated to it, they are the ones who end up being seen as "experts" on marriage. 

Whereas, the people in normal healthy marriages just kind of spend their time being normal people, and there's not really much to say about how they "make their marriage work" because it just works. So they don't write books about it.

I wanted to blog about this because it reminded me of myself, back when I was in college and I was "desperate for God" and believed that was a good thing that made me a good Christian role model. My "personal relationship with God" was, how shall I put this, unhealthy, and that's why everyone saw me as such a good and dedicated Christian. (Similar to how women in bad marriages end up being seen as the experts on marriage.)

We were always talking about how we "need" God. We need God more than anything- more than food, air, anything. Yeah it may not feel that way, but that's the reality, we said. And I felt like... it's quite hard to actually believe such a statement- "I need God more than anything else"- and the people who were the very very best Christians truly believed and internalized it, whereas the not-so-good Christians just lived like... not feeling a constant need and desperation.

I believed that this was the reality, even though it doesn't feel true at all. And that being a good Christian was about working myself into a state where I truly felt like I needed God more than anything. Constantly feeling like I'm barely holding on, I need to pray more, I need God, I need to feel that God is with me. I'm a sinner and if I ever feel like I'm fine, rather than feeling desperate and panicked over the status of my relationship with God, well, that would be bad.

(I should point out here that "we need God" doesn't logically have to lead to "we should constantly feel panicked about our need for God." What if we need God, but we always have God, there's no risk that God will disappear- "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." What if we need God, but that need is met all the time, regardless of what we believe or feel or do? "In him we live and move and have our being." This is what I believe now. But evangelical Christianity very much teaches that it's not okay to just not be aware of God/ not believe in God. And it's not okay to take it for granted that God is there. You have to always walk a very fine line of being perfect and not sinning, always thinking about God and how unworthy you are, always dedicating all of your energy to the impossible task of truly knowing God.)

I remember hearing a sermon once, on John 21. This is after Jesus' death, when his disciples went out fishing, and they didn't catch any fish, and then the resurrected Jesus showed up and told them to throw their net on the other side of the boat, and then they miraculously caught a LOT of fish. The pastor who was preaching this sermon emphasized how the disciples couldn't do anything without Jesus. The disciples were fishermen, and they went fishing, and they caught NOTHING. Because they thought they could do it themselves. They didn't know that they could not do anything at all, without Jesus. And the lesson for us was, we may think that we're good at something, we may be confident in our abilities, but we shouldn't be, because actually we can't do anything at all. Without God, we can't even do the most basic things- fishermen can't even catch a single fish- and we should never lose sight of that.

That sermon really stuck with me- and I think that's because I'm just generally more prone to having anxiety issues. Maybe other Christians wouldn't take it this way... but I took it to mean that being closer to God (which is what I should be striving for) meant being in a constant state of anxiety. Like everything is a crisis which could have eternal significance. At any moment I might sin- like, for example, having a selfish thought- and that would be an infinite offense against a holy God, and I should feel terrible, and Jesus died because of me, etc. At any moment, God might give me a chance to "share the gospel" with someone- someone who's in extreme danger of going to hell- and I needed to always be watching for those chances.

And if you ever feel confident, like "yeah I know what I'm doing, I'm good at this" and you're not thinking about how you can do NOTHING without God, well, God is going to sabotage your efforts, to teach you a lesson.

It wasn't just that one sermon, of course. I always heard evangelicals talk about how we "need God." There are SO MANY worship songs we sang in church that had that theme: "And I / I'm desperate for you / And I / I'm lost without you." "I'm falling on my knees / Offering all of me / Jesus you're all this heart is living for." "I need Thee / oh I need Thee / Every hour I need Thee." And like I said, maybe I interpreted them in this way because of my own mental health/ anxiety issues. Maybe other Christians didn't take them to mean the ideal is to be in a constant state of desperation. But my obsession, my ever-present desire to be "closer to God", that's what my faith was about, and I do think people viewed me as a good devoted Christian role model because of that.

I didn't know anything at all about mental health back then. I definitely had no awareness of the concept of "maybe if something is stressing you out all the time, it's bad." Heaven and hell were at stake, I couldn't waste time thinking about my emotional state. It's logical to be stressed out all the time, because there are always people in danger of going to hell, and I need to help as many as I can.

One thing I did a lot of in college was start bible study groups with non-Christians. I was really good at it, actually. Thinking back on it now, I'm like "wait, how did I convince my non-Christian friends to read the bible with me?" but yeah I really did. But oh my goodness it stressed me out SO MUCH. And I worked so hard, trying to do all these things that "God" wanted me to do, trying to trust that God was working and my efforts made a difference... dealing with all the emotions that came from this and laundering them into lessons about what God was "teaching me" and how it helped me be closer to God.

For example:

I started a bible study group at a fraternity house. Please note, I am a girl, I was not in this fraternity, I was just friends with a lot of the brothers. I enlisted 2 of the brothers who were Christians to help me promote it. At the first meeting of the bible study group, 1 of the 2 didn't come. And I was mad about that- I felt like, "he doesn't understand how hard it is to start a bible study- he should be here to support me on the first night." But then after thinking about it more, and praying about it, I decided I shouldn't be mad at him- he is free to help me or not. He didn't do anything wrong. And chalked it up to God teaching me to trust Him more, or something.

The reality of it was- and if I were more aware of my emotions, I would have been able to realize this- I felt so self-conscious and embarrassed, trying to invite people to my bible study. I felt so worried about whether anyone would actually come or not. But in evangelicalism, there was no way for me to process those emotions. All I had was the framework that "I'm doing what God wants me to do, so I have to stay strong."

As I continued doing this fraternity house bible study, I sometimes felt unhappy because not many people came. So I prayed about that, and came to the conclusion that my role is to offer this bible study, to the people who want it, and if they don't want it, that's okay. I'm at least doing my part, I'm doing a good thing, and if I resented the fraternity brothers who didn't attend, then that wouldn't be a good thing. And I felt that was a meaningful thing that God was teaching me.

Looking back at it now, I feel like... it would have been much better for my mental and emotional health if I weren't always doing evangelism and trying to start bible studies. It was so stressful for me all the time- but at the time, I would have said "it's hard but it's worth it." (Just like all the Christian leaders who will tell you that marriage is so hard but it's worth it.) Because I loved the feeling that I was working for God and doing important things. Life was an exciting adventure. There was always a crisis, and it was so exciting to feel like I was clinging to God to get through it. That's what a "personal relationship with God" is supposed to be, right?

Our campus Christian group had "evangelism training" sessions where we were very explicitly told to NOT care about these mental health concerns (though obviously they didn't use the term "mental health"). They said if you don't want to do evangelism because you feel awkward / because you're worried about alienating your friends / because you don't know what to say- well you should just repress all those feelings because PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HELL and isn't that more important than your fears of being awkward?

I believed that the best Christians were the ones who not only claimed to believe in the talking points about how everyone who's not "saved" is in incredible danger of going to hell, but who truly deeply believed that, so much so that they could constantly feel the danger, feel it as real and palpable, all around them, threatening their friends all the time. They would be constantly driven to do evangelism and push people toward "getting saved" as much as they could.

(In other words, being close to God causes you to have an anxiety disorder, and that's the ideal you should be striving for.)

And I remember one time, one of my friends told me that she was going to be doing a bible study with a friend of hers who was not a Christian. And I was very happy for her, and gave her some advice. And one of the things I said was, you're going to learn more about God by doing this. I was thinking of my own struggles, trying to handle my feelings surrounding how my bible study wasn't going as well as I wanted, and the way I clung to God through it and believed that God was teaching me. 

And that's what I thought of when I read Gregoire's blog post. The idea that I had useful advice to give someone, because I had been pushing myself to do things I didn't want to do, which weren't really healthy for me. And other Christians who had better mental health wouldn't have been seen as role models with good advice.

So... So where am I now? Well now my faith is completely different. I'm ex-evangelical, and I don't believe in hell. It's just indescribable, how good it feels to stop believing in hell. I don't have to constantly worry about the eternal fate of every random person I meet. I can just interact like a normal person. 

I'm still a Christian- and I'm really happy about being a Christian. I don't have a "personal relationship with God" and I don't want to ever again- it was just way too much stress. Evangelicals always say the word "gospel" means "good news"- well now I believe in a Christianity which actually is good news.

I'm not "desperate for God" now. I no longer believe being a Christian is about maintaining a constant state of anxiety.

---

Related:

This is what a "personal relationship with God" looks like. Be very afraid. 

With God, Everything is a Battle and You Can't Just Leave 

My Identity was in Christ 

The things I've never let myself say about evangelism 

"Marriage Is Hard" 

Used By God

God of Bad Snaps

What Feminism Taught Me About Saving the World

Blogaround

1. Psychology of a Hero: MOON KNIGHT and Dissociative Identity Disorder (2022) "And so many systems saw 'Moon Knight' and said I feel seen. This is what it's like." (29-minute video)

2. 2024 Total Eclipse: Where & When (via) 

And more on the eclipse:

Satellite views of solar eclipse 2024: See the moon's shadow race across North America (video, photos) (April 10) This photo is incredible!

Photo of the earth, with a huge dark spot on it where the eclipse is.

And from xkcd: Types of Eclipse Photo (April 8) Love this!

3. Bootlicking Calvinism Is The Unfunny Kind Of Calvin + Hobbes (April 8) "You might expect, then, that good Calvinists would agree with that latter sentiment. They might not appreciate the punks and anarchists who spray paint “ACAB” on subway walls but, logically, it is a statement that they must regard as true. If all people are sinful bastards, and police are a subset within “all people,” then all police, as people, must also be sinful bastards. If all people cannot be trusted to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with their God, then it would be foolish to claim that police officers are somehow, inexplicably, an exception to this universal rule."

4. Censorship: How Does It Work? (January 27, via) "Every Chinese person I know seems to have a lot of skill in reading the news between the lines to figure out what’s actually happening through the bullshit."

5. O.J. Simpson dies of cancer at age 76, his family says (April 11)

6. What I’ve Learned as the First Out Trans Division 1 Men’s Athlete (2023, via) "'It saved my life,' he said after a few heavy breaths. 'You saved my life. And I needed you to know.'"

7. What LakePointe Church and Pastor Josh Howerton Think about Women (April 12) This will only be of interest if you know who Josh Howerton is. He's a pastor who recently got a lot of attention on social media for making a "joke" about how a wife should do whatever her husband wants sexually on "his" wedding night. Well I'm sure you will be *shocked* to find out that it's not the first time he's said disrespectful things about women. Sheila Gregoire has the receipts.

Blogaround

1. A branch of the flu family tree has died and won't be included in future US vaccines (March 7, via) "A type of flu virus that used to sicken people every year hasn't been spotted anywhere on Earth since March 2020. As such, experts have advised that the apparently extinct viruses be removed from next year's flu vaccines." Cool!

2. Users ditch Glassdoor, stunned by site adding real names without consent (March 20, via) "Glassdoor, where employees go to leave anonymous reviews of employers, has recently begun adding real names to user profiles without users' consent, a Glassdoor user named Monica was shocked to discover last week."

3. Therapist Reacts to THE LION KING (2023) "When adults tell us things when we're children, and we internalize those messages, and we have a hard time challenging them once we're adults." (28-minute video from Cinema Therapy)

4. What Biden Would Do if He Were Serious About Ending the War in Gaza (March 19, via) "This was about as weak of a position as could be imagined: The President had definitely thought about maybe doing something."

5. Is It Possible To Solve This? (March 22) 1-hour-2-minute sudoku solve video. I like this one because you have to spend a lot of time thinking through the overall nature of the puzzle first, before you can even begin to think about which digit can go in which cell.

6. Omelas, Je T'Aime (2022, via) "Confronted with the choice to give up your entire way of life or allow someone else to suffer, what do you do? Do you stay and enjoy the fruits of their pain? Or do you reject this devil’s compromise at your own expense, even knowing that it may not even help? And through implication, we are then forced to consider whether we are—at this very moment!—already in exactly this situation."

7. “What Can I Even Say Without Having to Go to Jail?” (February 22, via) "Across the country, domestic and sexual violence treatment and prevention programs are run by state-led, federally funded coalitions tasked with overseeing organizations in their state. These groups, in theory, should be grappling with how to incorporate information about state abortion bans into advocates’ daily work."

8. Apple Jing’an now open in Shanghai (March 21) Tim Cook came to Shanghai for the opening of Asia's biggest Apple store.

9. Trump is selling ‘God Bless the USA’ Bibles for $59.99 as he faces mounting legal bills (March 27) "Besides a King James Version translation, it includes copies of the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence and the Pledge of Allegiance, as well as a handwritten chorus of the famous Greenwood song." Eww, gross, how will I explain this to my children? This reads like he's viewing the bible as a symbol of being a good American, instead of actually understanding anything about what the bible is. 

Tell me you've never read the bible without telling me.

Blogaround

1. How (Not) To Do Autism Awareness Month (March 1) "I think most people know at this point that autism exists and a few basic traits, and would go 'Oh yeah, I support autistic people' in April, but months later when someone you work with is 'weird' and communicates more directly and bluntly than others, do you just go with it or do you assume they’re being rude to people and complain to someone?"

2. "Complete" Manhood and The Desirability of Becoming Human in Bicentennial Man (1999) (March 7) "I cannot stress this enough. They had the opportunity, right here, to fashion 'Can Andrew open a bank account?' into a central plot point about the legal recognition of his personhood, and the movie just... breezes past it. Andrew gets a bank account and nobody tries to stop him and it's fine."

3. Tom Hanks Mad He Didn't Learn About The Tulsa Massacre In School, And He's Right (March 8) "And it made me mad. It made me mad that somebody had somehow made an editorial process of what was appropriate for us to learn about our own American history."

4. Farewell, OnlySky (March 7, via) Sad to hear that atheist blogging site OnlySky is shutting down.

5. Why is New York Times campaign coverage so bad? Because that’s what the publisher wants. (March 7) "Yes, but sometimes it is obvious what’s right. Defending democracy would age just fine, I assure you."

6. Therapist Reacts to WALL-E (January 10) "I understand that on paper, that sounds ridiculous and kind of stupid. And yet, I kid you not, I think this is one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever seen on film." 29-minute video from Cinema Therapy.

7. This tweet:

Jesus teaching only in parabolas pic.twitter.com/b8Yty5VTVx

— Scott Barber (@thescottbarber) March 13, 2024

8. And this song, if you're into Phil Joel/ Newsboys songs from the year 2000 (I know I am!)

9. At least you quickly know to not bother reading the rest (March 13) Oh ChatGPT.

Blogaround + Happy Chinese New Year!

Chinese dragon, with the text "2024 Happy New Year." Image source.

Happy Chinese New Year! New year's eve was on February 9 this year, and February 10 is the first day of the year of the dragon. 龙年大吉！

Some links related to Chinese New Year:

1. 3 Surprising Things From This Year’s Spring Festival Gala (February 10)

And here's the video of the French song mentioned in the article: 法语音乐剧首登春晚！《巴黎圣母院》选段《美人》太动听 「2024央视春晚」| CCTV春晚

2. 舞蹈《锦鲤》搭配周深的《大鱼》演绎生命的灵动与绚烂 「2024央视春晚」| CCTV春晚 (February 10) Video of the goldfish dance performed at the Chinese New Year gala. The dancers fly around on cables, very cool.

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And links about everything else:

3. Psychology of a Hero: ALADDIN (February 7) 25-minute video from Cinema Therapy. "Aladdin's best self is the one who helped the street urchins and who promised to set Genie free, but then out of fear of losing everything, he rescinds his promise to Genie, he lies to Jasmine, and he just keeps hurting people."

4. 'Obviously Sudokus Only Use Integers'... Hold My Beer!! (January 16) 1-hour-18-minute sudoku solve video. Wow, this one is amazing- it needs algebra. My favorite part is when Simon tries and fails to remember the word "epsilon"- "Oh gosh I used to be all over that stuff when I was young." So relatable. 

5. Tracy Chapman & Luke Combs Deliver Gripping Performance Of "Fast Car" | 2024 GRAMMYs I posted about this last time, but here's the full video.

6. Eyesores or Heritage? Shanghai’s Ubiquitous Laundry Racks (February 13) "Walk around any corner in Shanghai and you will likely see these clothes racks, especially outside traditional lane houses and high-rise condos built in the 1990s." This is so real.

7. Banana Prices (February 9) xkcd comic.

8. Elisabeth Elliot, Flawed Queen of Purity Culture, and Her Disturbing Third Marriage (February 6) [content note: abusive marriage] "Domestic abuse addles the brain. A victim may begin to believe she deserves this kind of treatment, that she could perhaps stop the abuse by her own efforts—if only she were better, prettier, smarter, holier. Through this lens, I have begun to understand the complexity of this elderly woman whose livelihood depended on her teachings about marriage and whose theology shifted so that it matched her reality of suffering, obedience, and surrender. Perhaps she feared the consequences of divorce on her career or reputation."

9. Georgia Senator Vows to Protect Girl, But Then Runs Away After Learning She Is Trans (February 17) "That’s when Kotler spoke to Senator Summers about how she was there with her kids to 'talk to legislators about keeping her kids safe.'"

Blogaround

1. THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE and Self Love vs. Narcissism (November 8) "The Emperor's New Groove" is such a good movie!

2. Some good news on climate change (November 18) "The best message, practically speaking, would combine sounding a very loud and continuous alarm with various facts about how real progress is being made on the technological side toward ameliorating the trajectory of climate change, on both a long term and shorter term basis."

3. At SpaceX, worker injuries soar in Elon Musk’s rush to Mars (November 10) [content note: injury and death] "'Elon’s concept that SpaceX is on this mission to go to Mars as fast as possible and save humanity permeates every part of the company,' said Tom Moline, a former SpaceX senior avionics engineer who was among a group of employees fired after raising workplace complaints. 'The company justifies casting aside anything that could stand in the way of accomplishing that goal, including worker safety.'"

4. Has the ‘Double Eleven’ Shopping Festival Lost its Luster? (November 21) In China, "double eleven" (双11, November 11) is a big online shopping day, kinda the same idea as Black Friday or Cyber Monday. But this article says in recent years, the excitement for double eleven deals has kind of worn off.

Also from Sixth Tone: A Food Courier’s Pursuit of Equal Treatment (November 25) "He shares that a large state-owned enterprise that he often visits doesn’t allow couriers inside, nor will it put a table at the entrance for riders to leave takeout deliveries, meaning they need to wait downstairs and hold the food until the customer comes to collect it." 

Yeah, I order food to get delivered almost every day- it's very convenient in China, and I always see tons of delivery drivers on their electric scooters, rushing around to deliver food. From what I've heard, they're under a lot of pressure to deliver the food as fast as possible, or else they get fined- and this means they often rush through red lights and do other unsafe things, to shave off a few seconds. Sounds like a really hard job. At the office building where I work, there's a locker outside the back door of the building, and the delivery drivers put the deliveries in the locker and then you get a notification on the app- this seems to work out well for the drivers because they just stick it in the locker, give you a phone call to let you know, and then they can leave, they don't have to wait for you to come down in the elevator and pick it up.

I've had situations where the driver was at the wrong building, and calling me to ask me how to get to my address, and he asked me if he can mark in the app that the order has been delivered- ie, he marks it as complete so the app doesn't get him in trouble for being late, and then he finds his way to the right address and gives me the food. 

5. Plain white Cru not white enough for Florida evangelicals (November 22) "As a result, those Republican Christians no longer respond to Cru the way that any normal person would. A normal person would be, like, 'Oh, you mean that campus ministry group that’s so fundie they make Young Life seem cool by comparison?'"

6. I Don’t Think That Parable Means What You Think It Means (November 22) "As I encountered these parables growing up in my faith tradition, I was taught that the most powerful person in a given parable—the vineyard owner, the rich man, the king—is supposed to be God. Bolz-Weber addresses this directly: 'Why in the world do we always assume that the ruler, the slave owner, the property owner, the tyrant in the story always represents God?'"

7. In wake of state bans, abortions overall rise, reproductive care falls (October 25) "Where abortion is banned around the world, there is usually more death, not less, on account of maternal mortality rates (MMRs)."

8. Will Anti-abortion Laws Drive Women to Colleges in Blue States? (November 4?) Wow, this is really fascinating to me, because when I was in college/ in high school deciding where to go to college, never in a million years would it have occurred to me "what if I need an abortion? I should go to college in a state with abortion access." I was "pro-life" back then, because everyone I knew seemed to be "pro-life"- I had never even heard any pro-choice arguments, and I hadn't the faintest idea about what kind of reasoning could possibly lead people to be pro-choice. The idea of me having sex was unimaginable to me, the idea of me ever having sex before marriage was unimaginable to me, the idea of being one of those "bad" women who wants to have an abortion was unimaginable to me. I very much did not see it as a "women's issue" that affects everyone with a uterus- I saw it as only something that bad women would ever try to access, and of course we should make laws to stop those bad women, right?

So, really mind-blowing to me to think about high school girls putting serious thought into how these laws affect them. (I mean, also apparently a lot of high school kids are having sex, and I find that hard to fathom too...)

Also from Skepchick: The Hamas Hostage with “Stockholm Syndrome” (November 11?) "Instead of it being an actual psychological phenomenon, it’s just a story the media likes to tell when explaining victim behavior that people might not immediately understand."

9. Ah, in my post about young-earth creationism, I can't believe I forgot to include a link to Joel Duff's blog, Naturalis Historia. (I have now edited the post to include a link.) If you want to know all the specific details about how young-earth creationism can't account for the scientific evidence we find in the fossil record, etc, you definitely want to read his blog.

10. [trigger warning for transmisia] I don't recommend reading this one, but I want to at least mention it here so nobody ever forgets what kind of hateful trash The Gospel Coalition is publishing about trans people. On November 22, they published a post called "I Love My Transgender Child. I Love Jesus More." (archive link) 

I'm not gonna respond to this, I will just say this: God is nonbinary. And Jesus said, "whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me"- if you're mean to trans people, you're being mean to Jesus. (Observant readers may notice that this is THE OPPOSITE of what that article headline says- like you have to choose between loving Jesus and loving your trans child. WTF.) And if you cause a trans child to hate themself, well, Jesus said, "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

And just as God is the Creator, people are made in God's image, and people reflect God's image by creating too. Trans people create their own identity, their own gender expression, and that's an amazing and godly thing.

And if you worship a god who requires you to be cruel to trans people, that's on you. You could worship a different god. You could worship no gods at all. What does it say about you, that you choose to worship that kind of god?

11. China trials visa-free travel for six countries (November 24) The six countries are: France, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, Spain, and Malaysia- travelers from these countries will be allowed to stay in China for up to 15 days, without a visa. Interesting! I wonder why they're doing this- I'm guessing it's to encourage tourism, to have good relationships with those countries, and because they aren't worried that people from those countries will want to illegally overstay. Anyway, cool, good news if you're from one of those countries.

Blogaround

Loki and Mobius. Image from season 2 episode 2 of "Loki." Image source.

1. Therapist Reacts to WRECK-IT RALPH (September 15) 27-minute video from Cinema Therapy.

2. Our Testers Have Requested This Video! (October 3) "There is more jiggory pokery we can perform here." 1-hour-0-minute sudoku solve video.

And this one: Who Is The REAL "Top G"? (September 30) 1-hour-16-minute sudoku solve video.

3. Second malaria vaccine to win global approval is cheaper and easier to make (October 3, via) [content note: big photo of a mosquito] This is great news!

4. Why mRNA Vaccine Researchers Won the Nobel Prize & Why We Can’t Forget Novavax (October 5) "The takeaway is that mRNA vaccines are incredible technology that not only saved millions of lives but may go on to save millions, or billions more as that technology is applied to other therapies."

5. Eminem - The Monster ft. Rihanna (Audio) (2013) I like this song for ex-evangelical reasons. "You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath."

6. Why some people prefer chestfeeding to breastfeeding – and no, they’re not trying to erase women (September 2) Really cool article that features a trans man who got pregnant, gave birth, and chestfed his child.

7. Homeschooling: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) (October 9) 24-minute video from John Oliver.