The Second-Worst Bible Story

Ancient Jewish wedding. Image source.

In 2015, I wrote a post called The Worst Bible Story, which also included my pick for the second-worst bible story, Numbers 25. Right now I'm reading Wilda Gafney's book "Womanist Midrash," which has a section discussing Numbers 25. So let's talk about it.

The book discusses these 3 women or groups of women in connection with this story:

1. Women of Moab (Numbers 25)
2. Cozbi, daughter of Tzur (Numbers 25)
3. Women of Midian (Numbers 25 and 31)

Here's what Gafney says in the book, and my thoughts on it:

---

Lumping together Moab and Midian

Numbers 25:1-2 says the Israelites committed "sexual immorality" with Moabite women, and also participated in the worship of the Moabite gods. ("Sexual immorality" is how the NIV translates it; Gafney does her own translations and puts it as "unsanctioned-intimate-relationships." She says this word can mean prostitution or promiscuity or worshiping other gods.) God and Moses order the Israelites involved to be executed.

Then, Cozbi (also translated as Kozbi), a Midianite women, is publicly killed by Phinehas the priest. And then Moses leads the Israelites into battle to get "vengeance" on the Midianites.

So, Gafney points out, wait a minute. The Moabites were the ones who "seduced" the Israelites, so why are we suddenly talking about Midianites? Why are the Israelites fighting the Midianites in retaliation for this? Gafney says (page 143):

The Moabite women, their God, and the Israelite women and men who joined their community sharing kinship ties and worship have been forgotten. This Midianite woman and her people become the focus of the saga. The Moabites and Midianites are interchangeable; they are all foreigners-- never mind that Israel is migrating through inhabited lands to a settled one, uninvited.

Years and years ago, when I was evangelical and spent my time arguing with atheists over whether the bible has contradictions, I would have reacted to someone pointing out this Moab/Midian issue like this: well, whatever, they were probably the same, right? Why do you want so badly to discredit the bible that you fixate on these little details?

And if I were reading the bible by myself, back then, I wouldn't have even noticed this switch from talking about Moab to talking about Midian. I read with an apologetics mindset, fully believing that there are no errors in the bible, and therefore with blinders on, subconsciously smoothing things over and filling in gaps so I wouldn't notice any errors. Moab and Midian, they're basically the same, right?

For me as a white Christian, this kind of thing would be simply be a philosophical argument over whether the bible is inerrant or not. But people of color have the experience of being lumped in together, even being victims of "mistargeted" racism. For example, someone hates Japan, so they bully a Chinese-American person, as if that's the same thing.

(I mean, all racism is like that though. Taking one bad example and believing it is true of a whole race. It's not like regular racism makes more sense than "mistargeted" racism.)

To believe in inerrancy, you have to racist-ly lump together the Moabites and Midianites, as if they're the same. So of course that's what I did, back then. As a white person you can just do that. But for people of color it's not so simple, because they themselves have been victims of that exact kind of racism.

---

The wedding of Cozbi and Zimri

I was shocked that Gafney reads this part as a wedding. Here's how the NIV version of the bible puts it:

[content note for graphic violence]

Then an Israelite man brought into the camp a Midianite woman right before the eyes of Moses and the whole assembly of Israel while they were weeping at the entrance to the tent of meeting. When Phinehas son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron, the priest, saw this, he left the assembly, took a spear in his hand and followed the Israelite into the tent. He drove the spear into both of them, right through the Israelite man and into the woman’s stomach. Then the plague against the Israelites was stopped ...

The name of the Israelite who was killed with the Midianite woman was Zimri son of Salu, the leader of a Simeonite family. And the name of the Midianite woman who was put to death was Kozbi daughter of Zur, a tribal chief of a Midianite family.

Here's Gafney's translation of the same passage:

Suddenly, a man from the women and men of Israel came and brought a Midianite woman to his kinfolk, in the sight of Moshe (Moses) and in the sight of the whole congregation of the women and men of Israel, and they were weeping at the entrance of the tent of meeting! Then Pinchas (Phinehas) ben El'azar (Eleazar) ben Aharon (Aaron) the priest saw; he rose from the midst of the congregation and took a spear in his hand. He went after the Israelite man into the tent-chamber, and he stabbed the two of them, the Israelite man and the woman, through her inner-chamber, and the plague was stopped among the people of Israel... The name of the slain Israelite man who was killed with the Midianite woman was Zimri ben Salu, leader of an ancestral house belonging to the Simeonites. The name of the Midianite woman who was killed was Cozbi bat Tzur; Tzur was the head of peoples, of an ancestral house in Midian.

Gafney describes this as a wedding where the 2 newlyweds were publicly murdered. Where is she getting that this was a wedding? I never ever read it that way (and you know I've thought about this story a lot, it's my "second-worst bible story").

Here are the parts that lend evidence to the idea that this was a wedding:

1. Verse 6- "brought a Midianite woman to his kinfolk." This is very different from the NIV translation which just says "brought into the camp." I checked this website which has a bunch of different bible translations, and many of them include something along the lines of "to his relatives"/"to his brethren". It's like we might say "bringing a girl home to meet your family." In our culture that's a big relationship milestone. It means you're in a long-term, committed relationship, and likely to get married. And in ancient times, they had the idea of the woman leaving her family and "marrying into" her husband's family. So I suppose it does make sense that this would mean they are getting married.
2. Verse 8 mentions a "tent" or "tent-chamber." Gafney says, "instead of an Israelite wedding canopy, a chuppah, there is a foreign wedding tent, a qubbah" and "the foreign word occurs only this once in the Scriptures" and has "uncertain meaning."

So, was this a wedding?

---

How I always read the story

Here's how I always read this story:

The Israelites were passing through land where other nations lived, and those sneaky foreign women came and started to seduce the easily-distracted Israelite men. Like, come on guys, focus, why can't you just do what God says? It's not that hard! They were having casual sex (gross! God says sex is only supposed to be in marriage) and starting to worship those foreign gods. This is really bad! God ordered those involved to be executed. Kinda sad for them, but they're gross and sexual and God says they deserve to die, so that's that.

Anyway, when the Israelite leaders are openly weeping because of how bad the people's sin is, some Israelite guy literally comes in right then with some slut he picked up. He walks her right past the front of the camp, to his tent where they are gonna have sex. Come on dude, read the room! What's wrong with this guy? He seriously can't keep it in his pants, even after God has spoken and said this is such a serious sin that people need to be executed for it.

And then, finally, someone does something about it. Finally, someone loves God enough to take action and stop this horrible disobedience against God. Phinehas the priest followed them into the tent where they were having dirty dirty sex and stabbed his spear right through the both of them, and killed them. Wow, that's graphic and violent, but it was the right thing to do. Phinehas is the only one in this story who actually takes sin seriously, like we're supposed to. Wish we could be as courageous and faithful to God as Phinehas.

I read this story, back then, as a good evangelical girl, and it seemed to be about 2 things: casual sex, and worshipping other gods, both of which I knew were obviously bad, and which I couldn't relate to at all. People who committed such sins were one-dimensional caricatures, mustache-twirling villains who were ungrateful to God. Maybe it's a bit extreme to say they deserve to die for that, but, sin is sin, so I felt that God was within his rights to say they deserved to die. Plus, I knew I wasn't going to commit those sins, so it doesn't affect me. (Apologetics seared my conscience with a hot iron.)

Gafney reads this as a wedding, though. And the "worshipping other gods" bit she reads as hospitality from the foreign women, inviting the Israelites to their religious feasts. More on that later.

Rather than being about "hookup culture" with those slutty slutty foreign women, she reads this passage as being about relationships of all kinds. (Another cool thing is the book says this passage is "queer" because it talks about the foreign women having relationships with Israelite men and women.) Living in the same area, getting to know each other. Some even falling in love and getting married.

So Phinehas sprang into action and murdered Cozbi and Zimri because they were an international couple, not because of their dirty dirty casual sex.

That's ... that's horrifying, and my first thought was that if I had read it that way, back when I was a good evangelical teenager, I would have been horrified.

But...

---

If it's about casual sex, or if it's about interracial marriage, how different is that, really?

I looked up some other translations and bible commentaries, to see if Christian scholars read this passage like I had always read it, or if they read it as a wedding, like Gafney does. Yeah, I found many of them using words like "blatant" and "parading"... those are words you would use for casual sex, right? Some guy just can't keep it in his pants, and he wants all the random passersby to know about it, eww.

But wait... in the bible, God forbids the Israelites from marrying people of other nations. Some guy falls in love with a foreign woman, and wants to let the world see his love, wants to marry her... Wouldn't that have been seen as disgusting, in their culture? Wouldn't that have been seen as "blatantly" "parading" his sin in front of everyone? Wouldn't it be seen as something you shouldn't do in polite society?

What we're circling around here is, this is about interracial marriage. Not *exactly* interracial marriage, because they didn't conceptualize race the same way we do today, but if you think about the history of interracial marriage in US society, well, it's the same as what we see in Numbers 25. Black men were lynched for the "crime" of dating a white woman. In "Womanist Midrash," Gafney says Zimri would have been seen as a "race traitor." She says this is a lynching. (She's right.)

"But," you may say, "surely not. Surely if they were just a nice couple, in love, getting married, who happened to be from different nations, the Israelite leaders wouldn't have been so upset about it. Surely people wouldn't have made such a big deal about it, even going so far to say it was good when they were killed. Surely not. Surely it must have been about some worse sin, like casual sex."

Did you, uh, totally miss all the culture wars over same-sex marriage, or what? 

Making a big deal about how someone else's marriage which does not affect you is such a horrible sin and they are "blatantly" "parading" it in front of us just by existing... that's pretty much evangelicals' whole schtick.

When I was a good little evangelical teenager, and read this passage... see, here's another horrifying thing. Imagine I had read, in the bible, that this was about a couple being murdered on their wedding day, for the crime of being from different nations and/or religions. ("Womanist Midrash" discusses this passage like that's obviously what it's saying, but I'm not convinced. But imagine if it was more obvious in the biblical text that that's what happened.) What would I have thought?

Good little evangelical Perfect Number would have thought it was sad, but it must have been right for Phinehas to kill them, because the bible says God approved of what Phinehas did, and the bible is always right.

No, not even newlyweds being murdered would have shaken me from my belief in biblical inerrancy. I was a good evangelical. I was an apologetics nerd.

And unfortunately, I have evidence to back that up: Good little evangelical Perfect Number read the book of Ezra, back then. In Ezra 9 and 10, the prophet Ezra finds out that many Israelite men had married foreign women, and he makes a huge big deal about it, sitting around weeping because of other people's families, other people's love, other people's mixed-race children. Then the leaders come together and decide they need to right this wrong; they need to send away these foreign women and mixed children. So that's what they do. Mass divorce and abandonment of their children.

And I read that back then and thought "well, yeah, God clearly told them not to intermarry with the other nations, so, that's what they had to do." I couldn't view it any other way; I couldn't say "wait a minute, this is wrong!" I was a good evangelical.

Years later, I read the Slacktivist's posts on this mass divorce in the book of Ezra. (Links here.) Blew my mind. Why is no one else talking about how the prophet Ezra was a racist bigot who tore families apart? Why is the Slacktivist the only one?

(See also: my Ezra fanfic Love Wins, and related post This "Do Not Intermarry With Them" Stuff Hits Different Now)

So yeah, you may naively assume that if good evangelicals read this story in Numbers 25 as being about international marriage and a murder at a wedding, rather than about casual sex, they would be more horrified and ready to throw away their belief in biblical inerrancy, but, no. Unfortunately, no.

---

Hospitality

"Womanist Midrash" talks about the hospitality of the Moabite women. This was very surprising to me- "hospitality" is such a positive word, and I had always read the Moabite women's invitations to their religious feasts as a conniving evil scheme. "Mwahahaha, let's entice those people away from their god, and snare them in our evil religious rituals, worshipping our evil gods, mwahahaha."

But the way "Womanist Midrash" describes it, it was like this: The Israelites lived in the same area as the Moabites, and so naturally they began to interact with each other, and get to know each other, and develop close relationships. (Some of them even married each other.) And it was very kind and hospitable for the Moabite women to invite the Israelites to the Moabite religious festivals. Maybe from the Israelites' perspective, the Moabite religious practices weren't that different from their own, so they didn't view it as a big huge "we're abandoning our god" thing.

---

Consensual marriage vs slavery

In the bible, God commands the Israelites to not marry foreign people. But, the Israelites are allowed to marry foreign captive women taken in war (see Deuteronomy 21:10-14). (And Gafney calls this "rape marriage" because honestly this isn't a romantic vision of how love can bloom in the most unlikely of places- no, it's "she's your slave and you can do whatever you want to her" and the bible uses the word "marriage" to describe that.)

So the issue here, the reason Zimri and Cozbi were judged as bad bad sinners whose murder was justified, was because their marriage was consensual. Because they chose each other. If an Israelite man takes a captive woman and enslaves her, makes her give up her culture, rapes her, and calls it "marriage", that is apparently fine. "Do not intermarry with them" just meant you can't have a consensual marriage.

It's horrifying, but at the same time, I can imagine myself as an evangelical, understanding the logic of this. Back then, of course I believed that we must not marry people from other religions, because there would be conflict as a result of each spouse's different beliefs, and the good Christian spouse wouldn't be able to win every single time, and would be influenced away from their correct Christian beliefs. But, isn't that only a problem if you go into marriage with the expectation that you are equals? What if you weren't equals? What if from the very start, the person with the correct religious beliefs dominated, and forced the other to give up their own religion and culture?

That would avoid all those "being influenced by those bad religions" problems, right?

I always heard Christians talk about mixed-faith marriage with this metaphor: The Christian is standing on a chair, and the non-Christian is standing on the ground, and the Christian is trying to pull the non-Christian spouse up, but isn't it so much easier for the non-Christian to pull them down? And that's why it's a bad idea to marry a non-Christian- you think you're going to influence them positively, but in reality, the more likely outcome is they're going to influence you negatively.

What on earth? Christians conceptualizing themselves as higher than everyone else, more moral than everyone else. Like there's nothing we can learn from each other; the Christian is already right about everything, and their non-Christian partner can only sabotage that. What on earth?

You can see how, if you're coming at it from that perspective, maybe it sort of makes sense than "rape marriage" is less bad than consensual mixed-faith marriage.

(Please note, I am a Christian and my husband is not- and I'm glad he's not a Christian.)

---

Did Moses divorce Zipporah?

Cozbi is a Midianite, and after she is killed, Moses leads the Israelites in battle against the Midianites, to avenge... [checks notes] the way the Moabite women were hospitable to the Israelites?

Gafney points out that Moses's wife Zipporah is a Midianite. Or, rather, she says that Zipporah was Moses's wife, and then Moses divorced her (Exodus 18:2) and married another woman. The other woman is apparently mentioned in Numbers 12:1, "he had married a Cushite." I don't totally buy Gafney's interpretation here- I always thought it meant that Zipporah was both a Midianite and a Cushite, and Numbers 12:1 was referring to her. I certainly never was aware of the idea that Moses had divorced Zipporah. 

But, at the same time, the bible definitely says that Zipporah and her family are Midianites. (See Exodus 2.) And in Numbers 31, the Israelites go to battle against the Midianites, take the women and children as captives, and Moses is very angry that they allowed the Midianite women to live. He commands that they kill all non-virgin Midianite women, and all the Midianite boys, and "save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man." (Which turns out to be exactly as creepy as it sounds, my god.)

So, uh, what? Isn't Moses's wife a Midianite? Isn't Moses's wife a non-virgin Midianite woman? (Gafney points out that apparently Moses is unhappy with Midianite women monogamously having sex with their own husbands, what on EARTH.) Aren't Moses's in-laws all Midianites? Whether or not you believe that Moses divorced Zipporah, you still have the big problem of how it could possibly make sense that Moses is so bent out of shape by the Israelites intermarrying with Midian, when he himself did that.

"Womanist Midrash" points out that the bible is inconsistent on the issue of marrying foreigners. There are passages like this one, about how it was such a bad thing that Israelites married Moabite and Midianite women, and then there are plenty of bible heroes who married foreign women and the bible is apparently fine with that. Judah, Joseph, Moses, etc.

And one more thing: Moses commands that the Israelites kill all the boys among the Midianite captives. "Womanist Midrash" draws a connection between this passage and Moses's own escape from being killed as a baby, when the Pharaoh commanded that all the Israelite baby boys should be killed, and Moses's mother hid him and then eventually laid him in a basket in the river where he was rescued by Pharaoh's daughter. This is a beloved bible story; all the kids in Sunday school know about baby Moses in the basket. (Exodus 2:1-10)

Moses, who escaped the "kill all the baby boys" decree, is now saying "kill all the baby boys."

Why do we not talk about this in church?

When Moses's mother saves her baby and puts him in a basket, that's a wonderful tale of courage and heroism which we teach to our children. When Moses commands the Midianite boys to be executed, that's a footnote in an apologetics book, only mentioned in the context of "how do we respond to atheists who say the bible condones violence?" Oh, they had to kill the Midianite boys because [reasons], so, it's fine, move along, nothing to see here.

But these are the same story, Moses's story. When we tell one part without the other, we're spinning the story in a misleading way. We're not being faithful to the bible.

---

Reading the Pentateuch (with a "biblical inerrancy" mindset) is an exercise in maintaining hierarchy

All of this is bringing me back to when I was a good evangelical teenager, working on reading through the whole bible. As I read through the laws that God gave Moses, my thoughts were as follows:

bible: "don't do xyz"

me: "well, yeah, xyz is a sin, they shouldn't do it"

bible: "if anyone does xyz, they must be put to death"

me: "well, maybe that feels a bit harsh, but, really, I'm wrong to feel that way- this is a sin and therefore it *does* deserve to be punished with the death penalty. So, that's fine, keep reading."

Looking back on it now, I feel that the way I read the bible back then was all about brutally maintaining rules and hierarchy. The bible says that people who do this or that bad thing are so bad they deserve to die, and I had to make myself believe it. Make myself believe that was a just law, and that those people were so different from me, I would never do something like that, so I'm safe.

It's very much the opposite of a "black lives matter" mindset. I've seen plenty of hot takes on the internet, white people making arguments about how a black victim of police brutality deserved to die because they weren't perfectly polite, or might have committed some minor nonviolent crime, or used to do drugs, and I think of the way I forced myself to believe it was right when God commanded a man should be executed for gathering sticks on the Sabbath.

Gafney is coming from a very different perspective, focusing on the victims of these laws, those who were oppressed and excluded and punished by the laws given by God and/or Moses.

I wonder if the "inerrant" reading of the bible (ie, you have to believe that all the laws given by God are good) is less of an option for marginalized people who have seen how our society's laws are used as a justification for violence against them and "keeping them in their place."

Thinking about myself, when I was a teenager, reading the last few chapters of Deuteronomy. After Moses finishes giving all the laws to the people, there are a few chapters about the blessings they will receive if they obey, and curses if they disobey. I remember thinking that this section of the bible was kind of repetitive, just hammering on the same points over and over- I felt like "yeah we get it, we should obey God, obviously, this is not that complicated, you don't need to keep saying it over and over."

Just follow these rules. Just repress yourself. Just exclude the people God wants you to exclude. It's not that complicated, why don't people get it?

For Cozbi and Zimri, it wasn't that they were irresponsible and rebellious and easily distracted from God's commands and God's blessings. No. It was because they found love, and they knew it was so much better than the narrow-minded laws that Moses was trying to use to keep everybody in line. Discovering how good it is to connect with other people, to value people, to share with each other and learn from each other and accept each other.

There's a whole world out there. Love the world. 

And I'm aware that what I'm saying here- about the law of Moses being used to exclude and punish- is also argued in the bible. In the New Testament, Paul says, "The letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." He says that the law can only tell you what you did wrong- it can't save you- and that's why we need Jesus. 

But, did we really need to wait for Jesus for that? Didn't Cozbi and Zimri already know that love was better than exclusion, and they were killed for it?

---

Conclusion

So. Those are my thoughts on the story of Cozbi and Zimri, which I still maintain is The Second-Worst Bible Story. I was very surprised that Wilda Gafney reads it as a wedding, rather than a story about how bad and wrong it is to have casual sex. I'm fascinated by this interpretation. My own marriage is international, interracial, interreligious. And Christians need to talk about the parts of the bible where the bible "heroes" and/or God do something wrong. The bible is not always right, and we need to talk about that.

---

Posts about the book "Womanist Midrash" by Wilda C. Gafney:

Womanist Midrash 
The Slavery We Ignore in the Book of Exodus 
The Second-Worst Bible Story
Michal wasn't here for David's worship, and now neither am I
Why did I think David was the good guy in the story of Abigail?
David's Womanizing
The Bible and "Purity"

---

Follow-up post: Don't Protect God

Related:

This "Do Not Intermarry With Them" Stuff Hits Different Now 

Everyone Else's Nadab and Abihu Fanfics

The Worst Bible Story

Blogaround

1. All 81 Sudoku Digits Completed In 14 seconds! (2021) A 33-minute sudoku solve video- in this one, Simon fills in the ENTIRE grid with colors before even getting 1 digit. I love it.

2. Where did these guys come from? (September 16) "I’ve never heard a sermon on Ezra 10:15. There should be sermons on this passage. Lots of them. It should be the stuff of altar calls and bonfire dedications reserved for the last night of Bible camp or youth-group retreats. This should be one of those verses that appears on T-shirts and bumper stickers, inspirational posters and tattoos. It should’ve been one of the verses that Tim Tebow penciled into his eye-black."

(And, related to that, here's the Ezra fanfic I wrote a while ago: Love Wins (an Ezra fanfic))

3. Gray-Ace & Gray-Aro Survey: Results (September 16)

4. Mainland China reports first imported monkeypox case (September 17) 

5. “My Chains Are Gone”: When White Evangelicals Sing About Slavery (2021) "This is perhaps the central irony of White evangelicalism’s continued use of these images: those whose theology leads them to sing the most of enslavement and freedom as the central metaphor of Christian salvation are simultaneously the group most likely to downplay the significance of slavery’s lasting impact on the people of the United States and promote (or at least not oppose) policies that do harm to African Americans—the one group that knows the ongoing injustice and traumatic effects of enslavement."

6. Parents shocked that Christian school will kick out openly LGBTQ students (September 19) "You almost want to pat her on the head for being such a decent human being that she couldn’t imagine a Christian school doing anything this monstrous."

7. Is Joe Biden The Best President Unions Have Ever Had? And If Not, Why Not? (September 20) "The difference between Biden and most other presidents, though, is that through most of American history, the actions of presidents have been to just crush the union. In 1877, railroads forced workers out on strike in West Virginia after reducing pay for the second time in a year; soon the Great Railroad Strike swept the nation as a general protest against the dominance of the railroads over the lives of Americans — polluting them, killing them on the job and in the cities, dominating the economy through corruption, laying them off. President Rutherford B. Hayes sent the military to crush it, turning a nonviolent strike into a bloodbath."

8. The Cruel Story Behind The 'Reverse Freedom Rides' (2020) "Fuming over the civil rights movement, Southern segregationists had concocted a way to retaliate against Northern liberals. In 1962, they tricked about 200 African Americans from the South into moving north. The idea was simple: When large numbers of African Americans showed up on Northern doorsteps, Northerners would not be able to accommodate them. They would not want them, and their hypocrisy would be exposed." Relevant now because of what Texas and Florida are doing to immigrants.

Lying to people, transporting them hundreds of miles, and just leaving them there, to make a political point. Aren't these Republican politicians worried about going to hell?

DeSantis claims credit for sending 2 planes carrying migrants to Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts (September 15) "'Our island jumped into action putting together 50 beds, giving everyone a good meal, providing a play area for the children, making sure people have the healthcare and support they need,' Fernandes wrote in another tweet. 'We are a community that comes together to support immigrants.'"

Migrants on Martha's Vineyard flight say they were told they were going to Boston (September 15)

I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you cared for me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

9. Patagonia company owner gives it away to Planet Earth in perpetuity (September 16) 

10. On the Operating Table, Supply Chain Issues Can Be Life or Death (September 20) "Five cardiovascular surgeons across China told Sixth Tone that the country has been suffering a shortage of artificial grafts since early in the pandemic, aggravated by the two-month lockdown of Shanghai."

11. Data polls and money polls (September 21) "Every other month, at least, we get news articles and commentary fretting about some recent poll showing that some allegedly worrisome percentage of some group either believes in something apparently anathema or else refuses to believe in something that’s supposed to be elementary and fundamental for that group."

12. Died: Ron Sider, Evangelical Who Pushed for Social Action (July 28) "For nearly 50 years, Sider called evangelicals to care about the poor and see poverty as a moral issue. He argued for an expanded understanding of sin to include social structures that perpetuate inequality and injustice, and urged Christians to see how their salvation should compel them to care for their neighbors."

This "Do Not Intermarry With Them" Stuff Hits Different Now

A white man and Chinese woman, dressed in very traditional red robes for their traditional Chinese wedding. Image source.

A few days ago, I posted Love Wins (an Ezra fanfic). As I was writing it, I realized that I had never really thought much about what all those Old Testament "do not intermarry with them" commands actually meant. All those times that God apparently commanded his people not to marry people from other nations. 

Sure, I was a good church girl back in the day, I knew all the apologetics, I knew the right answer was "it was because those other nations followed the wrong religions, and those religions were like, really bad, like with forced prostitution and human sacrifice."

(Okay, yes, I now see that it's more complicated than just "here is what the bible says." My fic was inspired by the Slacktivist's posts about Ezra, and he points out that there are other places in the bible [such as the book of Ruth] which say "STFU, Ezra." But of course, when I was an evangelical, I believed there was such a thing as "the biblical view" on marrying people from different religions, as if the bible was totally consistent on it. I also didn't really distinguish between the Old and New Testaments- I felt like converting to the correct religion was seen as more of a possibility in the New Testament, but other than that, the rules were the same. If they're the wrong religion, then nope you can't marry them.)

Yeah, that was all the thought I had ever put into it, way back in the day. Just a one-dimensional stereotype to convince myself that those other religions were "like, really bad" and rules are rules. And then I moved to China, and then I quit being evangelical, and then I married a non-Christian Chinese man, and then years later I decide to write this fanfic, and oh crap, I realize that all the "do not intermarry with them" stuff was about families like mine. Turns out I "intermarried with them."

Also, I had never viewed those commands as being about race or culture at all. Yeah sure, the bible said "don't marry people from other nations" but I always thought "that's because you're not allowed to marry people from different religions, and the other nations had different religions." Like it was solely about religion, that was all. That's how I understood it, back then. Recently I discovered that there are racist white Christians who use verses like these to say that white people shouldn't marry people from other races- but fortunately I never heard anything like that back when I was an evangelical. I really understood it as being only about religion.

Like I thought it was saying "oh it's totally fine to marry people from other races and cultures! Yes totally 100%! No problem there! Why would there be a problem? But absolutely do not marry people from the wrong religions, and oh my, by SHEER COINCIDENCE, those people from other cultures all follow the wrong religions, so that's why the Old Testament says don't marry people from other nations."

So then here I am writing this fanfic and realizing, a cross-cultural marriage is about so much more than religion. It's two complex people with completely different backgrounds, coming together and making a life together. And there's so much to it- there's love, there's fascination with learning about one's partner's world, there's miscommunication, there's confusion and astonishment when you realize your partner just sees things totally different, and there's distance in some aspects- like "you have your own thing, your own culture, you enjoy it but I am not involved in it." Like how my husband doesn't know how to yell at the tv correctly while watching football.

To flatten it down and say it's just about "oh they had bad religions, with like, human sacrifices I guess"... that just so completely misunderstands it.

And my marriage... my marriage is beautiful, and the idea that the Old Testament God (as portrayed in the book of Ezra, at least) wanted a whole society where no one had a cross-cultural marriage... it's just... like, the idea of isolating yourselves so completely from other cultures, so that you can never get to know them enough to run the risk of falling in love with someone. Completely missing the beauty and complexity in the diversity of human experience, missing out on the image of God that lives in every culture. That's what was commanded back then? Really? I never thought about it that way, when I was "on fire for God" and reading the bible every day. But now I really am married to a partner from a different country/ race/ religion/ culture. Now I know.

Now at this point you might be saying, "Surely, in the book of Ezra, there was more to it than just 'don't marry them because they're the wrong demographic'- surely there must have been something really bad that those Canaanite women were doing, right? Surely Ezra wasn't making a whole big scene mourning over something that mundane." But no, I've seen literally this exact thing. I've seen Christians getting all bent out of shape over other people's marriages, other people's personal lives, other people just going about their business in a way that Christians believe is wrong. 

I've seen Christians protesting same-sex couples' right to marry. I've seen Christians getting angry over an ad that showed a same-sex couple just having a normal family life. I remember the time I was at church and the pastor said, "My niece just got engaged... to a woman" and there were gasps of horror from the congregation, like it was an example of how messed-up "the world" is. Literally just queer people going about their lives, and Christians fight and mourn like it's some big tragedy. 

(And I've heard the "success stories" about "a gay person started coming to our church, and we did not say ONE WORD about how it's a sin for them to be with their partner, we just accepted and loved them, and then eventually they broke up, yay what a happy ending!")

I've seen Christians making rules about being "unequally yoked"- ie, a Christian should not be in a relationship with a non-Christian. A podcast where a bunch of concerned Christians fretted over a stranger's personal life, trying to figure out the best way to "speak the truth" that it was wrong for her to get married to a non-Christian man. The missionary I met in China who told me I couldn't come to her Christian group because the Chinese members would think that, as a foreign person, I was a Christian role model, and they just simply couldn't have that, because I was dating Hendrix, a non-Christian. ("And sleeping with him," this nice missionary lady added. I didn't correct her and tell her no, I had never had vaginal sex. I was sure she wouldn't believe me.)

So yes, I 100% can believe that Ezra sat outside wailing and making a scene just because somebody married somebody from a demographic he didn't like. Not because they were actually doing anything actually bad.

Ezra reminds me of the conservative Christians who don't want trans children to be able to use the bathroom.

And Shimei and Nikkal from my story are like the queer American couples who worry that the Supreme Court is going to un-marry them.

Like seriously, look at this:

After these things had been done, the leaders came to me and said, “The people of Israel, including the priests and the Levites, have not kept themselves separate from the neighboring peoples with their detestable practices, like those of the Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Jebusites, Ammonites, Moabites, Egyptians and Amorites. 2 They have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and their sons, and have mingled the holy race with the peoples around them. And the leaders and officials have led the way in this unfaithfulness.”

3 When I heard this, I tore my tunic and cloak, pulled hair from my head and beard and sat down appalled. 4 Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel gathered around me because of this unfaithfulness of the exiles. And I sat there appalled until the evening sacrifice.

Ezra 9:1-4

People are just going about their lives, and then Ezra "sat there appalled" about it. Like, get a life! Mind your own business! Yes, I have 100% seen Christians do this. I used to be one of them.

And realizing it was families like mine- me, and my husband, and our precious little son- that Ezra targeted and tore apart... I bet those self-righteous leaders felt all sad about it too, like "oh it's so hard for us, our heart breaks for your family being torn apart, but, rules are rules, hate the sin love the sinner." I bet they felt like "look how hard it is for us to follow God's command- God will reward us for this."

This wasn't a community coming together to repent of their collective sin. This was a community scapegoating a minority, to make them feel like they themselves were godly. Easy to judge people when it's not a "sin" that you "struggle with" yourself.

I wonder what those "detestable practices" were, that the Canaanites apparently did. I have to say splitting up families is a detestable practice. (Also, why is the Slacktivist the only one I have ever seen pointing out how ****ed up this is? I even looked for some bible commentaries on Ezra recently, and they all basically just said "those other religions were, like, really bad.")

I wrote a story about a character, Nikkal, who always fears rejection. Then Ezra's God comes along and says "yes, you should be rejected." Fortunately her husband loved her more than God.

(Ah, well, whatever, I know the good "bible-believing" Christians have already decided they can ignore everything I say on this, because I am married to a non-Christian. And more than that, I don't see it as a problem AT ALL that my husband is a non-Christian. My Christianity is compatible with that, therefore I'm following the wrong kind of Christianity and no one needs to listen to me.)

And another thing I want to say about my fanfic. At the end, [spoilers!] when Shimei decides to leave behind his home, his culture, his religion, and run away with his foreign wife, and I wrote it like it's a happy ending, it's so romantic and exciting... Well, I ended the story there, and I do believe he made the right decision, but man, it's not as simple as that. Leaving behind your culture, moving to a whole new place where no one understands you- it's hard, it's hard in so many ways that I never knew about before I did it.

(Yeah, for me it happened in a different order- first I gave up my culture and moved to China, and then later I met Hendrix and married him.)

Anyway. The reason I wrote a fanfic about it is to show people, wow, this is really in the bible. Sometimes I'm astonished at the things I used to just brush past, reading the bible as an evangelical. "Ah well, God had clearly said they shouldn't marry the Canaanites" and just move on like that's that. But now I am married to a partner from a different culture and different religion. Now those verses are about us.

---

Related:

My Marriage Is So Good, I Forgot "Unequally Yoked" Was Supposed To Be A Problem

What My Marriage Is Actually About (It's Not Sex And It's Not Jesus)

I Didn't Know I Had a Culture Until I Lost It

Love Wins (an Ezra fanfic)

 

People gather around the rebuilt temple (from the book of Ezra). Image source.

The first time Nikkal saw him, he was laying wooden beams for the walls of the temple. She had come with some other Canaanite women to bring water to the Israelite men who were working. His name was Shimei, he told her. It wasn't just his cute curly hair or his deep brown eyes- it was his smile, his laugh, the way his whole face lit up when he was happy.

She came to deliver food and water to the workers at the Jerusalem temple every day. And every time she saw him, her heart leaped. When she handed him the jug, and he wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand, pushed back his hair and his headband, and he smiled at her... it felt like the sun was shining on her.

The other women told her, "Don't get your hopes up. You see the headband he wears- he's a Levite. They have very strict rules. A Levite could never marry a Canaanite."

But he talked with her, laughed with her, asked her about her family and her hometown. And she knew she had fallen in love with him, but she always told herself not to get too excited. He could never really be interested in her, she thought.

But every day they talked, and she felt that he really respected her and cared for her. He didn't treat her like a Canaanite dog, like some of the others did. She had never met a man like him.

---

Sometimes she came to the temple, even when it wasn't time to bring water to the workers. She watched Shimei talking with the other men. Sometimes she saw the group of them stop and pray to their God together, led by Ezra, their prophet. 

"What am I doing?" she asked herself. He could never really be interested in her... even if he was okay with marrying a Canaanite woman, he would surely reject her when he found out she wasn't a virgin. Sometimes, when he talked with her alone, she wondered if she should tell him. Was it dishonest for her to let him think she was really good enough for him?

Why would he want her anyway? She was just a poor girl who had come to Jerusalem to earn some money. Surely Shimei could find a better wife, she thought.

Sometimes she prayed to her God, Asherah, about Shimei. She thanked Her for letting her meet such a wonderful man, and she also dared to wish that maybe the gods could let her be his wife.

---

One day he came to her and said he wanted to talk about betrothal.

She was so happy, but also terrified. There was no way this was real. No way something this amazing could really happen to her. "But, but... I'm a Canaanite," she said.

Shimei smiled and shook his head, as if it was a joke. "Yes I know that."

"You can't really... you're..." she started to say.

"Nikkal, I want to be with you. It doesn't matter to me, that you're a Canaanite and I'm a Levite. I want to marry you, if you'll have me."

She couldn't believe it, and everything in her wanted to leap with joy and say yes. But she couldn't, it was too good to be true. She had to tell him she wasn't good enough for him. She wasn't a virgin. He deserved to know.

"It's just..." she bit her lip nervously, "... just, there was another guy."

"Oh!" he suddenly looked shocked, and then disappointed. "Oh, I didn't know you were already betrothed."

"What? No, I'm not betrothed."

He tilted his head, confused. "Then, what do you mean about 'another guy'?"

"Uh, that was a long time ago."

He continued to look at her, not understanding. "So... not now? A long time ago, but not now?"

"Right," she said, waiting for him to reject her.

"So... what's the problem?"

He still didn't get it. She was going to have to spell it right out for him, and have him reject her. It was so embarrassing. She twisted her hands nervously. "I... he..." she tried to say. "I'm ... I'm not a virgin."

"Oh!" his face broke out into a relieved smile. "That's all? Well that's fine, I don't care about that."

She was speechless. "You what?"

"I want you for you," he said. "Not your virginity. I want you. You make me happy."

All she could do was stare at him, wide-eyed. He reached out, and she let him hug her. "You have to ask my father," she managed to squeak out.

"Yes, of course," he answered.

She had never met a man like him.

---

Their wedding was like a dream. She never knew that she could be so happy. She wore a long dress, embroidered by her mother, with symbols of the gods. He wore his best tunic and the same Levite headband that he always wore.

She moved in with him, and they made their home together. He worked in the temple, and she worked hard with the other women, carrying water and baking bread. At night he prayed to his God, and she prayed and burned incense to Asherah. Sometimes Shimei would eagerly talk with her about the work they were doing at the temple, how their prophet Ezra was leading them to reestablish the religion from old times. She supposed it was important to his people.

---

They had been married 3 months, when she heard the news.

Ezra 9:1-4

After these things had been done, the leaders came to me and said, “The people of Israel, including the priests and the Levites, have not kept themselves separate from the neighboring peoples with their detestable practices, like those of the Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Jebusites, Ammonites, Moabites, Egyptians and Amorites. 2 They have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and their sons, and have mingled the holy race with the peoples around them. And the leaders and officials have led the way in this unfaithfulness.”

3 When I heard this, I tore my tunic and cloak, pulled hair from my head and beard and sat down appalled. 4 Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel gathered around me because of this unfaithfulness of the exiles. And I sat there appalled until the evening sacrifice.

...

Ezra 10:3

Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord and of those who fear the commands of our God. Let it be done according to the Law.

...

Ezra 10:10-11

Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, “You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel’s guilt. 11 Now honor the Lord, the God of your ancestors, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.”

There were whispers about it among the women as they gathered around the well that day. Nikkal felt sick; her dream was coming to an end. She had known all along that it couldn't last, that she wasn't good enough for Shimei. 

They didn't even have any children yet. It would be easy for him to send her away, to move on and forget about the mistake that he had made, marrying a Canaanite.

She was so anxious. She didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. She went back home early that day. She sat in their shared home and tried to memorize it, the walls, the roof, the way Shimei always stacked his shoes in the corner. It would be so hard leaving, but... but she had always known her marriage was too good to be true. And now she was going to lose it, go back to the life she deserved, just a poor Canaanite that no one could want.

But she could cook one last meal for them.

She kneaded the dough, with a hundred different things running through her mind. Oh, she would miss him so much. She'd never met a man like him. Where would she go? Maybe she would go live with her parents, or her brothers.

She tried to focus on the bread she was making. If this was the last meal she cooked for him, she wanted to do a good job. But she was so worried, so distracted. She put the bread in the oven and then there was nothing to do but wait. Wait for him to come home and send her away.

She paced, and waited, and prayed to Asherah for protection on her journey back home. She got the bread out of the oven when it was done. Then waited some more; Shimei was later than usual. She was too anxious to eat. Just sat there and looked at her bread.

It was the middle of the night when he finally arrived. He looked pale and exhausted. He wasn't wearing his Levite headband. He stood in the doorway and they looked at each other in silence. She wanted to say something but didn't have any words. She sat at their table, and he stood across the room, and he still had those same deep, beautiful eyes that she had fallen in love with. 

Finally he spoke. "Show me how to pray to your God."

She stood up and walked toward him. Her hands trembled as she took his hand and led him to the box where she kept the incense. She handed him an incense stick, and then a thought occurred to her. "Do you want Asherah, or... or a male God?" she asked.

"No, no," he said quickly, shaking his head. "Asherah."

She took a second stick of incense for herself, and lit both of them using the coals in the oven. She searched her mind for what to say; she had never taught anyone to pray before. She tried to remember what the priests had said when she had gone to the temple with her parents all those years ago. "Oh Asherah, goddess of ... of ... uh prosperity and ..." - she glanced at her husband's bowed head, the curls of his hair pressed down where his headband used to be- "... love. We ask you for, uh, abundant harvests, and ... uh ..." She trailed off. She didn't know the specific words, but it didn't seem to matter now.

They sat there in the lamplight in silence, as the smell of the incense filled their small home. They sat there until all the incense had burned. She still didn't know what to say. She put her hand on his arm, and he didn't move or react. Finally she got the words out: "I heard... Are you going to send me away?"

"No," he said, and pulled her into a tight hug. "No." He pulled back, held her hands in his, and looked her in the eyes. His eyes looked red in the lamplight. "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God my God."

The next day, they started to pack their things. Together.

She had never met a man like him.

---

Follow-up post: This "Do Not Intermarry With Them" Stuff Hits Different Now 

---

This fic was inspired by the Slacktivist's excellent posts on why Ezra is not a good guy:
A Ruthless reading in the RCL
Biblical Teaching On Divorce: Start With Ezra
The biblical genealogies summarized: STFU, Ezra
Ezra isn’t the Good Guy in this story
This generation has far too many ‘Ezras’ already, thanks

---

My other fanfics:
Strange Fire
Noah's Evangelism
Achan's Sin
In Your Anger Do Not Sin (a Hulk fanfic)

Blogaround

First frame: Darth Vader says "The circle is now complete..." Second frame: Suddenly Darth Vader's head is replaced with Korg's, who says, "But not a real circle, more like a freaky circle." Image source.

1. Biblical Teaching On Divorce: Start With Ezra (posted May 10) "What does the book of Ezra teach us about “the rules” for divorce? It teaches us that men who consider the purity of their rules more important than the lives of women will delude themselves into committing monstrous atrocities."

2. Asexual Intercourse (posted 2014) [content note: explicit description of sex, very NSFW] This is an asexual man writing about his thoughts the first time he had sex, and it all sounds so realistic to me. Other stuff I've read, like sexy fan fiction, has people saying things like "I NEED to have you INSIDE ME" like... is that real? Would anyone actually say something like that? Would anyone feel something like that? Wtf? But this, this asexual description of sex, this feels so real.

3. Will Christians Stand Up for Transgender Inmates? (posted May 30)

4. Pokémon Let's Go, Pikachu & Eevee vs. Pokémon Yellow - Graphics Comparison (Switch vs Game Boy) (posted May 30) WOWWWWW they took the trailer for the new pokemon game, "Pokemon Let's Go Pikachu & Eevee", and recreated it in Pokemon Yellow. Wowwwwwww.

5. And my 2018 Reader Survey is still open (until June 9). Thanks so much to those of you who took the time to do the survey~ Love you~

Blogaround

"Roses are red, alt-facts aren't true, I want to destroy white supremacy with you." Image source.

Links related to the orange antichrist:

1. These Conservative Christians Are Opposed to Trump—and Suffering the Consequences (posted February 11) "On November 18, Smith’s bosses told her they didn’t think she could be a good spokesperson for Focus on the Family, according to Smith."

2. OK, so we’re talking about Frederick Douglass today (posted February 1) "So let us highlight some of those contributions with Douglass’ own words — words that live on in much the same way that Trump and Spicer believe that Douglass himself does."

3. How a Photo of Jewish and Muslim Kids Protesting President Trump Went Viral (posted February 1)

4. Histories for the Trump Era, Part 1 (posted February 3) "That brings me to the Fugitive Slave Act and the inability to implement it in Boston."

5. SNL: Melissa McCarthy’s Sean Spicer Is Back and Better Than Ever (posted February 12) lololol

6. We would have taken part with them (posted February 9) "This is something we’ve been telling ourselves for thousands of years. For his part, Jesus wasn’t buying it."

----------------------------------------------

Links about other things:

1. Why this choir is a huge hit with China's stressed out millennials (posted February 9) Hendrix loves this choir. Their songs are so funny!

2. Star Wars Theory [about Han Solo] (posted February 9) [spoilers for "Star Wars: The Force Awakens"] Wow, now this is quite the fan theory.

3. Watch Matt Dillahunty Talk About How Atheists Should Respond to Biblical Contradictions (posted February 3) "Do you have such a strong belief that there is no god or that this bible is crap or that this scripture cannot possibly be perfect that you're not willing to engage in reasoned discussion but instead you have a prejudice that is encouraging you to find fault where there may not be any?" This is a really good video, from an atheist, about why it's not helpful to search for giant lists of "bible contradictions" on the internet and naively rush into an argument with a Christian as if you're obviously right. For one thing, not all Christians even believe the bible has no errors. And many of those supposed contradictions turn out to not really be contradictions if you actually research the context and culture those passages came from.

4. Ezra isn’t the Good Guy in this story (posted February 6) "The preachers who love to cite Malachi 2:16 in their own rants about the evils of divorce never seem to notice the earlier biblical passage Malachi is reacting against."

5. No, Trans Women Are NOT ‘Biologically Male’ (posted February 10)

6. Godly messages: You’ve got mail! (posted 2013) "Keeping a victim dancing depends upon keeping that victim off-balance and off-kilter, uncertain how to please the captor(s) and even more uncertain of how to avoid punishment. If that’s how these Christians’ god operates, then he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve love or worship."

7. Top 10 Most Romantic Moments In Pixar (posted February 14) Awwww <3

Blogaround

Three dogs cuddling together. Image source.

1. Gravitational waves make me glad I’m not a Christian anymore (posted February 12) "We’d have all of eternity to catch up on physics. Right now the important thing is staying faithful to God."

2. How Should We Understand Children’s Political Agency? (posted February 15) "I’m sorry, but this baby cannot be a Rubio “supporter.” This baby does not even know what a president is."

3. These "Mario Kart" Fans Turned A Real Mall Into Coconut Mall (posted February 18) NICE.

4. Apple opposes judge's order to hack San Bernardino shooter's iPhone (posted February 18) Read Apple's statement here.

5. Saeed Abedini and Franklin Graham Promote “Couples Counseling” to Reconcile the Abedinis. Because of Saeed’s Abuse, is This Counterproductive? (posted February 15) "I’ve seen Saeed’s language and approach before. It’s typical flowery manipulative abuser language meant to draw people to his side."

6. This generation has far too many ‘Ezras’ already, thanks (posted February 10) "When “pro-family” preachers turn to the Bible to collect proof-texts on divorce, they always seem to forget the “clear biblical teaching” of the final chapters of Ezra. For Ezra, divorce is not merely permitted — it’s mandatory. Divorce is commanded by God. And so is the abandonment of racially impure children."

7. Do Multicultural Churches Reinforce Racism? (posted February 9) "If the racial hierarchy that has developed over the past 500 years is condensed to the issue of, “Why are all the black people sitting together?” then having everyone sit side by side in the pews becomes the solution and not sitting side by side is the problem."

8. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Voting (posted February 14)

9. Albert Woodfox released from jail after 43 years in solitary confinement (posted February 19) "the prisoner finally escaped a form of captivity that has widely been denounced as torture, and that has deprived him of all meaningful human contact for more than four decades."

10. The ongoing Great Disappointment (posted February 16) "For Ryrie and for the many generations of Rapture prophets he belongs to, that passage is no longer a source of hope to comfort our sorrow. It’s not about death, but about the Rapture, and quoting it now would just add insult to injury by reminding us that Ryrie, by dying, has missed out on that Rapture."

11. If Hell Is Real, Why Did God Wait So Darn Long To Warn Us About It? (posted January 30) "Hell, with all of our modern images of what it’s like, simply doesn’t exist in the Old Testament. We think it does because some English translators now translate sheol as “hell,” which causes us to import modern concepts of hell into the text."

12. No, The Super Bowl Isn’t The Largest Sex Trafficking Event In The World (posted February 2)

13. Having It All Kinda Sucks (posted February 15) "It's like we all said hey, let's change the narrative for women, but not change anything else."

14. Abortion ban linked to dangerous miscarriages at Catholic hospital, report claims (posted February 18) "Doctors decided they would delay until the woman showed signs of sepsis – a life-threatening response to an advanced infection – or the fetal heart stopped on its own."

15. “Would we even be here if Julian Acox was white?” Race, self-defense and making of a murder charge (posted January 6) "Would the laws that protected George Zimmerman and Darren Wilson equally protect a young African-American male who used a firearm to protect himself and the two (white) women with him?"

16. For those of you who are American citizens living overseas: Time to think about how to get an absentee ballot!