Blogaround

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. Scott Adams, 'Dilbert' creator and conservative commentator, dies at 68 (January 13) 

2. China’s Viral New App Is a Safety Tool Called ‘Are You Dead?’ (January 13) "The app, known as Demumu abroad, functions as a daily check-in. Users input emergency contacts, then press the check-in button on the interface’s home screen each day. If a user misses two consecutive check-ins, the app alerts their contacts via email."

3. Planetary Alignment (January 9) From xkcd.

4. The lumpers, the splitters, and me (January 13) "So when somebody like Matthew Avery Sutton comes along and says 'evangelicalism is best defined as a white, patriarchal, nationalist religious movement made up of Christians who seek power to transform American culture through conservative-leaning politics' it can feel for them exactly the way it has felt for them over the past several decades when the gatekeeping goons said to them — repeatedly and regularly — 'You are a fake Christian and your story of being born again and transformed by your religious experience must be a lie and you must hate Jesus and the Bible because what it really means to be an evangelical is to be like us — to be part of a white, patriarchal, nationalist religious movement seeking power to transform American culture through conservative politics.'"

5. The Rape of Dinah and The Shame of Adults (January 10) [content note: rape and victim-blaming] "Dinah’s rape and her brothers’ reactivity show us the shame of adults: that adults will, time after time, do nothing but negotiate and cover up the rape of their children by powerful people."

6. This country taxes menstrual pads as luxury goods. She's aiming to end the tax (January 15) "The link to child marriage contributes to the secrecy around periods and makes it an extremely isolating experience."

7.  Sesame Street: ABC-DEF-GHI Song Love this classic Sesame Street song.

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Image source

Image source

Links related to the antichrist:

1. In Defense of Pretexts (January 9) "What I came to is this: For my entire adult life, I've watched American leaders justify war and atrocity with lies about democracy and freedom and self-defense."

2. Chaos continues (January 12) "Businesses are locking their doors even while open to keep employees and customers safe. As I type this, I’m standing guard at the locked door of our neighborhood burrito joint while I wait formy takeout order, so the employees can focus on their jobs. The place is packed with neighbors supporting this small business."

Also about Minnesota: Minnesota federal prosecutors resign after DOJ push to investigate Renee Good's widow (January 13) "The investigation allegedly centers around any possible ties to activist groups [Becca Good] may have. That, of course, is protected First Amendment activity."

A Common Occurrence (January 14) "I’m sharing this so you’re aware that the ICE abuses we’re seeing since Renee Good’s killing is – aren’t new."

The Fascists are Lying about ICE Murdering an Innocent Woman (January 14) "Fuck Michael Shermer and the rest of his rightwing pro-murder pro-fascism sniveling grifters, who spread this lie even as we see ICE now enabled to literally go door to door, breaking into people’s homes, and dragging them away with zero accountability."

3. US aircraft that attacked suspected drug boat reportedly disguised as civilian plane (January 13) "'Fundamentally, the debate about ‘war crimes’ is a distraction – the whole operation is illegal, and the conduct of an extrajudicial execution by means of a plane with civilian markings is in fact reminiscent of a death squad operation,' Bhuta said."

4. Hundreds of nonconsensual AI images being created by Grok on X, data shows (January 8) [content note: contains descriptions of sexually explicit images (does not contain the images themselves)] 

Elon Musk's X faces bans and investigations over nonconsensual bikini images (January 12)

5. For Immigrants, Citizenship Now (January 13) "We have effectively created a class of criminalized residents who do not have full rights and protection under law. Immigration enforcement is a small fascist state within our polity."

I can't really agree with this without seeing an actual policy with more details- automatic citizenship? for who exactly? wouldn't there have to be some kind of criteria, like how long they've lived in the US? What about people from countries that don't allow dual citizenship, so they would have to renounce their other citizenship in order to get US citizenship, and they might not want to do that- there should be a way to have them legally protected anyway. It sounds too big and pie-in-the-sky to actually be a real policy- but, what if we think about it this way instead: What if the path to get US citizenship was a lot easier? What if it was less about bureaucracy and proving that you're "good enough," and more about a principle that people who live in the US and want to be US citizens should have a reasonable pathway to do so. Yeah, I support that.

6. Hillary Clinton May Finally Get Lock-Her-Upped For Refusing Stupid Subpoena From Dipsh*t James Comer (January 15) "You should definitely give the full Clinton letter a read, because it lays out not just why the Clintons won’t go along with Comer’s attempt to shift attention away from Trump and the DOJ’s foot-dragging, but also why this government’s corruption must be resisted wherever possible, from the streets to closed-door hearing rooms."

7. A federal judge dismisses the DOJ's effort to get voter data from California (January 15) "In 2017, one Republican secretary of state famously said the Trump administration could 'go jump in the Gulf of Mexico.'"

8. Behind the front lines of the legal battle against Trump's National Guard deployments (January 15) "Earlier this month, President Trump pulled hundreds of National Guard troops from California, Oregon and Illinois after the Supreme Court ruled against the administration in the Illinois case."

9. UPenn faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’ (January 13, via) WTF

Blogaround

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. ‘He stole a piece of our souls’: Christian music star Michael Tait accused of sexual assault by three men (June 13) [content note: sexual assault] I posted a different link about this before, but this article is good because it gives a whole overview of the context: the culture of CCM (contemporary Christian music), DC Talk, the way we made it part of our identity to be labelled "Jesus freaks", Newsboys, Christian nationalism. I'm so mad.

Hemant Mehta also reports on this: After assault allegations, Christian music icon Michael Tait admits preying on multiple men (June 16, via) "More than a decade after its release, God’s Not Dead is still finding new ways to disappoint everyone."

Mehta talks about the gay dimension of this... which is... yeah... I know there must be conservative Christians whose takeaway from this story is "Michael Tait is gay." Completely missing the point. 

2. How Muppets Break Free from their Puppeteers (June 13, 12-minute video) This is really cool! It's about the practical effects that the were used in the Muppets movies, basically to hide the puppeteers when the characters were in a big wide-shot scene.

3. I Was A Juror On A Murder Trial (June 13) "I’ve never seen anyone say 'actually, it’s a good idea to lie to police officers because it will make the jury think you’re too stupid to commit premeditated murder,' but it did work in this case. Maybe this is the new murder meta."

4. The Moderate Case Against Trans Youth Healthcare Bans (June 13) "Even for those uncertain about the evidence behind transgender healthcare, in cases where there is ambiguity but a clear potential for benefit, decisions should be left to parents, patients, and doctors—not politicians. This is a majority opinion found in many polls."

5. Exoplanet System (June 16) From xkcd.

6. Shell Game: In China, a $14K Reward for a Turtle That May Be Extinct (June 17) "Only one Yangtze giant softshell turtle is known to exist in China. Nicknamed Susu, the turtle is at Suzhou Shangfangshan Forest Animal World, formerly known as Suzhou Zoo, in eastern China, and is believed to be over 100 years old."

7. Menstrual products and rural Indian women (2016) [content note: menstruation] A post about the various ways that rural Indian women deal with their periods. This is really surprising to me, because the narrative I always heard was "women in developing countries don't have menstrual products, oh that's so terrible, can you imagine, and sometimes girls even drop out of school because they just have no way to deal with their periods." Ohhhh turns out I always just assumed that since *I* have no idea what one would do if one didn't have disposable pads, that meant that there just *is* no way to manage without disposable pads. Well that is not true.

I think there probably is some truth to the idea that not having access to period products is an issue we should care about, related to women's rights, but we have to listen to the women (and/or people who have periods) who are actually there and know what the current situation is like.

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Links related to the antichrist:

1. Photos: See No Kings protests around the country (June 14)

And: No Kings San Francisco (June 14)

Trump ‘doesn’t care about any of our founding fathers’ principles’: Mark Ruffalo joins NYC protests (June 15, 6-minute video) "Trump is trying to take our freedoms away, so we have to [be] re-reminded of what those freedoms actually are."

Photos: ‘No Kings’ Day Protests (June 14, via)

(Oh also, my husband- a Chinese guy- was really unimpressed with the military parade because it was very much amateur hour compared to China's. For what that's worth.)

2. ICE directed to pause immigration arrests at farms, hotels and restaurants, sources tell CBS News (June 14) What? I mean, this is good news if true (though obviously you can't really trust anything the MAGA government says), but like... it's like it *just occurred to him* that arresting farm workers might have an effect on other things~ surprised pikachu.

Oh wait, nevermind. No need to spend time reading that link, because: ICE walks back limits on raids targeting farms, restaurants and hotels (June 18)

3. An AIDS orphan, a pastor and his frantic search for the meds that keep her alive (June 13) "'We've been so close to truly having an AIDS-free generation of kids,' says Dr. Rachel Vreeman, chair of the Department of Global Health and Health Systems Design at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. 'And that is completely at risk right now.'"

4. ‘How many people were arrested?’ is a lousy way to cover protests (June 12, via) "Don’t focus solely on what the police say."

5. Press group sues L.A., alleging police abuse of reporters at ICE rallies (June 16) "An Australian television correspondent was shot by a law enforcement officer with a rubber bullet during a live shot as she stood to the side of protests in downtown Los Angeles. The officer taking aim could be seen in the background as it happened."

6. How to ACTUALLY Deal with Tear Gas (June 13) "Do not panic. Move out of the area as safely as you can, ideally to higher ground because tear “gas” is actually a particulate and will fall to the ground. Do not rub your face."

7. Trump admin continues its destructive path, but groups, judges keep pushing back (June 17) "That attitude kept moving right into Monday, when the American Bar Association sued the Trump administration over Trump’s attacks on law firms and the legal profession."

Related to that: ‘My duty is to call it out’: Judge accuses Trump administration of discrimination against minorities (June 16) "'I’ve never seen a record where racial discrimination was so palpable. I’ve sat on this bench now for 40 years. I’ve never seen government racial discrimination like this,' said U.S. District Judge William Young, a Massachusetts-based jurist who took the bench in 1985."

And: After court rules against NIH, researchers wonder if their canceled grants will be restored (June 17)

8. NYC Comptroller Brad Lander arrested by federal agents at immigration court (June 17) "'I will be fine, but Edgardo is not going to be fine,' he said. 'And the rule of law is not fine and our constitutional democracy is not fine.'"

Blogaround

1. RIP Tony Campolo (1935-2024) (November 20) "It’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming."

2. Journal Club: The Bedroom and the Laboratory (November 20) "This chapter discusses some of the problems with the methodologies used in sex therapy, and the clinical study of sexuality." This was really eye-opening to me. I had always assumed sexology was about getting to the bottom of the grand mystery of why people like to have their partner do things to their genitals. Turns out it's not. Turns out it's the same confusing concepts of "how do I increase my sex drive" etc.

3. D&D Combinatorics (November 22) Love this xkcd.

4. House passes bill that would allow Treasury to strip nonprofits of tax-exempt status (November 21, via) "The U.S. House passed a bill Thursday that would authorize the treasury secretary to designate nonprofit organizations as supporters of terrorism and strip them of tax-exempt status." This is worrying.

5. The Adult Vaccine Assessment Tool (via) The CDC has a little interactive tool which can recommend vaccines you may need. Cool!

6. Sarah McBride And The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Criticism (November 24) "If McBride is caving in fear (and Yr Wonkette does not think she is), that’s not McBride’s fault. That’s the fault of 200 House Dems and 200 million Americans who oppose anti-trans bullying and could choose to step up (or step up more) but don’t."

So the story here is that Sarah McBride is the first trans person to be elected to Congress, and the Republican members of Congress are being weird about it and making rules that she can't use the women's bathrooms because she counts as a man. McBride responded by saying she will follow the rules; her intention is not to get involved in that drama but to do the work that her constituents elected her for.

Some trans people and allies have criticized McBride for not fighting back. (See this post from Erin Reed.) The post I'm linking here is from Crip Dyke, who says it's NOT COOL that people are criticising McBride for this.

Yes- she is the first trans Congress person, she is going to have to deal with a lot of this kind of bigotry, and you can't expect her to respond in whatever way *you* think a perfect activist would respond. She's just 1 person. It's not fair to put all that on her. Really, this is a moment where allies need to step up and take a stand against the bigots, rather than expecting McBride to do that all by herself.

Also, initially when I read McBride's statement that she would "follow the rules as outlined", I took that to mean she would use the men's bathroom (and maybe this would be a form of protest- everyone would see how ridiculous it was that she is forced to use the men's bathroom). But then after reading Erin Reed's article, I thought maybe trans people don't really consider that a real option because of the worry of being harassed in the bathroom, and actually this means McBride is gonna have to walk all the way to wherever the gender-neutral bathroom is, and it will be a huge inconvenience for her and won't affect the Republican bigots at all. But then Crip Dyke's article talked about getting a bunch of trans people together to protest by using the bathroom the bigots apparently want them to use. So. It could go either way I guess.

7. The Sanitary Pad Scandal Causing Uproar on Chinese Social Media (November 26) "In one clip, an influencer measures the lengths of the absorbent pads inside products made by leading Chinese brands including ABC, Sofy, and Space 7, and compares them with the product sizes listed on the packaging, which refer to the total pad lengths." 

Here's something really interesting about China: The lengths of pads (in cm or mm) are very explicitly advertised. Like it will be right there as part of the product name on the packaging. Zero effort is required to see "oh these pads are 25 cm, these pads are 29 cm" and so on. When you buy pads in the US... in the US I never thought about the length in inches or cm. (Assuming nothing has changed since I bought pads in the US a decade ago.) You have "long" or "super long", or you have "day" vs "night" with "night" being designed to go much farther in the back- but does anyone ever think about "well how many inches is that?" I'm sure you could find it in the fine print on the packaging in the US, but it's not big and obvious like in China.

Blogaround

1. This tweet

you miss a lot of the gospel if you think the feeding of the 5,000 was just to prove jesus can do miracles instead of people shouldn’t go hungry

— Mason Mennenga (@masonmennenga) August 8, 2024

2. Pro-Trump Republicans should think twice about ridiculing ‘Tampon Tim’ (August 9) Yeah, apparently Republicans are mocking Tim Walz and calling him "Tampon Tim"? (Because of a law he made that school restrooms need to have free tampons/pads available.) Not sure how many Republicans are doing this- I don't want to misrepresent them and say it's a huge proportion of them, when maybe it's not. 

But anyway. This is just so ridiculous to think that "Tampon Tim" is an insult. Everyone who has periods has been in a situation where you need a pad or tampon and you don't have one, and it's so awkward and embarrassing. You have to go around asking other girls if they have one- worst case is if you don't know anyone and you have to ask strangers. This is a real thing we have all experienced, and it's very obvious how much of a GOOD THING it would be to have free tampons and pads available in public restrooms, and some Republicans on the internet are treating it like it's weird and gross?

This reminds me of that genre of joke about men being embarrassed to go to the grocery store and buy pads/tampons for their female partners. Supposedly that's so embarrassing and unmanly and you should never ask a man to do that for you. Come on, what on earth. Why are some men so weird about this, to the extent that it's a whole genre of joke? My dad was never weird about that- my sisters and I would just tell him which specific ones we needed, and he would do his best to find them, and there wasn't anything awkward about it. It's just a thing that you need. There's no reason to make a big deal about it. There's no reason a man can't go buy it for you if you need it. Come on, are these men afraid that the cashier is going to judge them and think they are unmanly or something? Don't you think the cashier is going to think "oh I guess he has a wife/girlfriend/daughter who needs these" which is completely normal and not a cause for embarrassment at all. (Or, more likely, the cashier does not care even one bit.) Fellas, is it gay to have a girlfriend who menstruates?

Anyway, that's what I think about this "Tampon Tim" meme- it's a very normal boring thing that people need, it's not some salacious scandalous forbidden item. Anybody who thinks "Tampon Tim" is an insult is just announcing to the world how ignorant they are about women's bodies and women's lives.

3. The Paris Olympics in Photos (August 12) Photos of Chinese athletes at the Olympics.

4. Samuel L Jackson invites YOU TO VOTE FROM ABROAD (August 14) Yes! I love this! Samuel L. Jackson is looking out for immigrants like me~ Vote vote vote!

5. More delays for astronauts stuck in space as Nasa ponders return (August 14) "The latter would turn an eight-day mission into eight-month trip." This is WILD. There are literally people stuck in space right now.

6. Apple’s requirements are about to hit creators and fans on Patreon. Here’s what you need to know. (August 12, via) What on EARTH. Apple is going to start taking a 30% cut if you use the Patreon app on iOS. !!!!! That is messed-up! If you subscribe to anyone's Patreon, definitely do it on Android or in a browser, not on an iPhone app.

(Oh hai did I ever mention I have a Patreon?)

7. “In Bible Times They’d Break a Lamb’s Leg–” (July 28) "The single instance story is, admittedly, hard to disprove. There may be some stupid leg-breaking shepherd out there who really did try to tame his sheep through a club to the femur one time. Then he got spotted by some deranged pastor who reported it to his congregation, and, before you know it, the story was off to the races faster than an angry three-legged sheep trying to run away from his stupid shepherd. It’s possible this happened one time, strictly speaking."

Great post from Dr. Laura Robinson about urban legends that Christians repeat about things that supposedly happened in the culture where the bible was written. I'm not familiar with the one about breaking a sheep's leg, which she discusses in her post, but I have heard the one about the camel and the "Eye of the Needle" gate. This is totally made-up and not real, and it's AMAZING to me how it completely changes the meaning and feeling of that bible passage about "it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle." Here's how that might play out in a typical bible study discussion:

"Jesus says that it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Wow, that's a pretty striking image. No way a camel can go through the eye of a needle. Sounds like rich people are really in trouble, then. This really worries me because we have a lot of money compared to the average person in this world- millions of people live in extreme poverty."

"Oh, well, what he actually meant was this: There was a gate in Jerusalem called the Eye of the Needle, and it was really narrow, and when people came with their camels all loaded up with stuff, they had to take everything off the camel, and make the camel kneel down and shuffle forward on its knees. So, what he's actually saying is, rich people totally can go to heaven, they just have to be willing to give up their stuff, and they have to love God more than they love their money."

"Oh thank goodness, that's so much better! So instead of a disturbing passage about how I might be unable to be part of God's kingdom because I'm not doing enough to use my money to help others, it just means I have to have the right attitude in my heart, I just have to feel like 'yeah I would give up my money if God wanted me to.' Wow that makes me feel so much better. And it doesn't require me to actually do anything."

8. Joe Biden Will Let You Finally Cancel Gym Subscription You Haven't Used Since The Pandemic (August 14) "Among other things, the plan includes a new Federal Trade Commission rule that will require companies make it as easy to cancel a subscription as it is to sign up for."

The Great Sex Rescue: Be Like Jesus

Image text: "What does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8" Image source.

Links to all posts in this series can be found here: Blog series on "The Great Sex Rescue"

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So we come to chapter 11 of The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended [affiliate link], titled "Just Be Nice." Here's what it's about:

After tackling these issues [from the previous chapters], though, we were still left with a handful of scenarios from these books that didn't fit neatly into any one harmful teaching. In trying to figure out where to slot them into the book, we realized that they shared a common denominator: following these pieces of advice meant looking less like Jesus.

As we start to wrap up this book, we want to point us back to Jesus's example of serving, not being served. And the answer is shockingly simple: please, please, people, just be kind.

Wow, I think this is a really good way to put it- "following these pieces of advice meant looking less like Jesus." A lot of the things that Christian marriage books tell women they have to do- would Jesus tell women they have to do those things? If a husband tells his wife she is required to have sex with him even if she's in pain, is he being like Jesus?

"The Great Sex Rescue" says we should understand sex "through the lens of the cross." I don't really like using "cross" language for sex... I mean, I understand that their point is that it should be about loving and serving each other, like Jesus did, but, man, Jesus' death on the cross was the ultimate extreme example of loving people, to the exclusion of his own feelings/desires/pleasure/life, and sex should NOT be like that. Isn't most of this book about how it's wrong that women were taught that we need to endure pain, and not care about ourselves, and women are taught that sex should be about making a sacrifice for the sake of your husband's pleasure...? 

Having confidence that what I want matters, and being unwilling to have painful sex, and believing that I should stand up for myself and insist that it be a good experience for me or else I'm not doing it- uh, that is nothing like what Jesus did on the cross. But that's what sex should be. (And these are all things that "The Great Sex Rescue" has argued for in previous chapters.)

Okay so my point is, this metaphor doesn't work for me. I get that they're saying sex should be about loving and serving each other, but I just don't think the cross is a good metaphor for this, because sex should also be about feeling good and getting what you want.

Moving along, one of the examples given in this chapter is period sex. Most women don't want to have sex when they're having their period, and some Christian marriage books tell wives it's their responsibility to come up with some workaround to satisfy their husbands' "needs" anyway. (ie, she has to give him a hand job- something along those lines.)

"The Great Sex Rescue" responds by saying this:

Let's think this through. Is it kind for a man to ask for a hand job when his wife is unwell? How unwell does she have to be before it's not kind anymore? How crampy does she have to be for her physical well-being to take precedence over sexual expectations? Do we really believe that the kindness that flows from the Holy Spirit working in our lives would ask an exhausted, torn apart postpartum woman for a hand job?

On the one hand, this is a great point. When someone is in pain, how about you care about them, rather than burden them with more tasks they have to do?

On the other hand... the Christianity I used to believe in really was like this. Give and give and give until you literally can't any more- that's what I believed God wanted me to do. This excerpt from "The Great Sex Rescue" is asking rhetorical questions- "How crampy does she have to be for her physical well-being to take precedence over sexual expectations?"- they're not trying to actually identify where to draw that line, but rather showing how ridiculous the whole thing is... but... But back when I was a good evangelical, "on fire for God", I really did think that way. I really did ask myself questions like that, and take them extremely seriously... I tried to lay down my life, as much as I could, and only do the bare minimum for myself- isn't that what it means to be a Christian?

It really says something about the God I used to believe in. We believed that God will keep asking you to do harder and harder things, to give of yourself in ways you didn't think you could handle, "but he will give you the strength to get through it"- instead of, like, sometimes you need to stand up for yourself and protect yourself by saying NO. Keep giving, keep sacrificing, and if you ever think that something you need is a higher priority than something that you could do to serve someone else, well you're selfish and sinful.

So glad I don't believe in that kind of Christianity any more. And it's good that "The Great Sex Rescue" is telling women that it matters if sex is enjoyable for them- they shouldn't just do everything their husband wants and totally ignore their own desires.

(See also: Gregoire's "Fixed It For You" blog post where she takes this quote "The most difficult time for this man was during his wife's period, because she was unavailable to him sexually" from the book "Sheet Music", and changes it to "The most difficult time for this woman was during her period, because she was bleeding from her vagina." Blew my mind when I read that. The idea that we should care about the wife when she's not feeling good, instead of asking her to do more things- so astonishingly healthy, I was shocked.)

And then there's this really good quote:

One woman, commenting on this pressure to have sex while on your period, said this:

I honestly feel like a lot of men want only the positive aspects of our bodies (i.e., the parts that make them climax) without any of the drawbacks. Those drawbacks are everything from normal aging to menstruation to the difficulties of childbirth and the effects those have on our bodies and psyches. Being hot, young, and not on your period or not pregnant is an incredibly short time in a woman's life, and I have no idea why young men contemplating marriage are not told in the most blunt of terms that being ready for marriage and sex means accepting all of those changes.

Yes, well-said.

The next part of this chapter is about taking care of your health, as a way to show kindness to your spouse because it could affect their enjoyment of sex.

First, the authors of "The Great Sex Rescue" call out Christian leaders who tell women they need to make sure they continue to look as attractive as they did when they got married. This is ridiculous and not realistic. Like, you are marrying a person, with a real body, which ages- and pregnancy and childbirth also change a woman's body, that's just a fact. "The Great Sex Rescue" points out the double standard where women are required to look attractive for their husbands, but no one really tells men they have to look attractive for their wives.

Next, "The Great Sex Rescue" says that it actually is a problem for a couple's sex life if the man gains too much weight. It means there are certain sex positions they might not be able to do, they can't really get close enough to physically stimulate the woman in the ways she needs in order to orgasm, and the man has less "usable length."

I hadn't heard about that before, and I don't really have an opinion on it. (My first thought was maybe they can use a sex toy to make up for those problems. I'm always trying to engineer a solution; I'm helpful like that.) I guess I'll just say that I think you should take care of your health because it's good for you. I don't really think your partner's sexual satisfaction should be the reason you take care of your health. That just strikes me as a bit odd. 

But yes, I totally agree about the double standard- women are expected to look young forever, even though that's not actually possible, and there's not really an equivalent expectation for men.

Overall, the point of this chapter is that you should basically be a decent human being in your marriage. When having sex, both partners should have a mindset of loving and serving each other. Be kind- and this sounds like common-sense stuff. (Also, as the rest of the book says, your own pleasure matters. It shouldn't just be about serving your partner; it should be about both of you being equals.)

It reminds me of this post by the Slacktivist, Do Justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly … In Bed, which addresses "the intrinsic oddity of trying to talk about 'sexual ethics' as something separate and distinct from, you know, just plain ethics." Yes, he's absolutely right. "Sexual ethics" shouldn't be about rules for when and how and whether to have sex. It should be about treating each other right, similar to how you should treat people right in all other areas of life.

So the message of this chapter is "Just Be Kind" and I like that. It shouldn't be about gender roles and how much the wife has to give and sacrifice because men's "needs" are so important. It should be about just being a decent human being toward your spouse.

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Links to all posts in this series can be found here: Blog series on "The Great Sex Rescue"

Blogaround

A group of seals sleeping. Image source.

1. How much do we bleed during our period? My absurd journey through the world of menstrual research

2. GoFundWho? More equitable ways to crowdfund in a crisis (posted May 15) "Many donors need there to be a lot of tears. They need to hear a sob story. They want this person to have never made any mistakes and for their hardship to be something unavoidable[.]"

3. The woman behind 'Roe vs. Wade' didn't change her mind on abortion. She was paid (posted May 19)

4. Ravi Zacharias Dies of Cancer (posted May 19)

Blogaround

1. On Answers in Genesis’ Portrayal of Noah’s Son’s Wives (posted April 29) "I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe—just maybe—Answers in Genesis should have taken more proactive steps to avoid perpetuating nineteenth century American race theory in their portrayals of Noah’s son’s wives."

2. Dave Ramsey Keeps Offices Open After Staffer Tests Positive for COVID-19 (posted March 19)

3. Everything You Think You Know About Toxic Shock Syndrome Is Probably Wrong (posted 2019) "I sure wish I had known the risks and science behind TSS up front, so I didn’t have to spend my entire pubescent life worrying about it."

4. Is Jim Bob Duggar and His ‘Ministry’ Approaching the End? (posted May 2) "Derick has spoken about Jill and he being in therapy to recover from the pain and ill treatment doled out by Jim Bob Duggar."

Blogaround

1. Well I'm late to the party on this, but The Gospel Coalition posted an article about how PMS is ... *checks notes* ... sinful? Here it is: PMS: The Monthly Fight with the Flesh

This is beyond ridiculous but I don't have time to write a whole post about it. I'll just say this: Your body has needs. Listen to your body. If your body's physical needs aren't being met, it's easier to get stressed/angry/etc, so that's why it's important to pay attention to your body's needs. Take care of those needs because they're real and they matter.

Of course TGC went a totally different direction with it, like if you get stressed/angry because of hormones, well that means you are BAD and SINFUL so just STOP.

2. When gray hair is not a crown of glory: Old age proves Rapture preachers wrong (posted January 21) "Jack Van Impe started his ministry 68 years ago, assuring his followers that the Rapture, Argmageddon, and the End of Time were poised to occur at any moment. At no moment in any of those 68 years did the Rapture occur."

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And a few things about the pandemic:

1. Congratulations to Greg Locke for having the worst Christian take on COVID-19:

#CoronaVirusUpdates #COVIDー19 pic.twitter.com/ru0GYm8v9B

— Pastor Greg Locke (@pastorlocke) March 14, 2020

2. Some good news from China: China reports no domestic cases of coronavirus for first time since outbreak began (this is specifically referring to Wednesday, March 18).

Meanwhile, SOME PEOPLE (*cough* the orange antichrist *cough*) are insisting on calling this "the Chinese virus"- being nakedly racist and blaming China, during a global pandemic where we DESPERATELY NEED TO LEARN FROM CHINA.

3. I love you all. Stay safe. Cancel your plans, cancel your travel, and stay home. I repeat: Cancel your plans, cancel your travel, and stay home. Help bring groceries to your elderly neighbors. Take care of your mental health by not reading the news constantly.

Also, CANCEL YOUR PLANS, CANCEL YOUR TRAVEL, AND STAY HOME. Social distancing saves lives. Do it for my grandma.

Blogaround

A fluffy little kitty. Image source.

1. What It's Like Growing Up with the Belief that Tampons Take Virginity (posted July 27)

2. Do Asexuals Have Sexual Fantasies, and Do They Masturbate? (posted 2017) "The majority of asexual women (65 percent) and men (80 percent) have sexual fantasies. However, this is a significantly lower proportion than sexuals. Asexuals’ fantasies are less exciting to them than those of sexuals are to them. Asexuals as a group are more likely than sexuals to endorse the response: 'My fantasies do not involve other people.'"

3. #TakeTheMaskOff Week 1: What Is Masking? (posted July 25) "Because 'I’m an adult,' and adults 'don’t bother people with their problems if they can help it.'"

4. Proposal to Revise a Word (or Two) of “Reckless Love” (posted July 26) "So why do we insist on repeating the lies of shame in our Sunday morning songs over and over, rehearsing the apology of the wayward son? ... There’s a common bit of theology floating around our churches that suggests God got the shit end of this redemption deal."

5. I got (theologically) CATFISHED! (posted July 27) "We go into these churches, we're told, 'You're welcome here, we want you to be here, your story's important, you're a unique and special beloved child of God.' And then, when it comes down to it, when we ask for something, when we ask to lead, when we ask to become a volunteer or something, when we ask to be baptized or take communion, if our partners and us can get married in those churches, we're told, 'ohhhh, actually, you know, no, not really, no.'"

6. Why Do So Many White Evangelicals Object to the Browning of America? (posted July 26) "After all, missions trips aren’t set up to place both parties on an equal footing."

7. My Vagina Is Terrific. Your Opinion About It Is Not. (posted 2017) "I have listened to women with completely normal exams weep that they have been told that they do not smell or taste correctly."

8. Missiology is a minefield (posted July 8) "Such conversations are a symptom of the deeper divide, which is that missionaries and the American Christians who support them have very different ideas — incompatibly different ideas — about what “the gospel” means."

9. How six Chinese men survived the Titanic disaster, and the racist US federal law that ensured their obscurity – a story told only now (posted April 15) "Six Chinese guys made it off the Titanic alive, and 24 hours later were written out of the story. That wasn’t an accident. That was deliberate. It’s something that the culture of the time made happen."

They said it was about "valuing our bodies." That was a lie.

Diagrams of two different human reproductive systems. On the left, there's one that has a penis, on the right, there's one with a vagina. Image source.

[content note: NSFW. And also I talk about my genitals in this post.]

Christians who preach about the importance of "purity" often claim that it's about valuing and protecting your body. You are so valuable and precious, your body is so valuable and precious, so you need to follow these rules to take care of it properly. You need to value and respect your body by not having sex. By not kissing. By dressing "modestly" if you're a girl.

It's because your body is so valuable, they say.

It's a lie.

Because of the teachings of purity culture, I thought it was good and godly for me to not really know anything about my own genitals. Yeah, I took sex ed class in high school, so I understood in a theoretical sense that, apparently, I have a uterus and vagina, somewhere- but it was just words to memorize so I could label the diagrams on the quiz. I never thought, hey if I get a mirror and look "down there", I will actually see my own vulva- it's an actual real thing that exists.

No, never thought that. Because you see, genitals are related to sex. And if I think about sex, it might cause me to desire sex. And that's temptation. That's dangerous and impure. So a godly cis girl should just stay on the safe side and know as little information as possible about her own vagina.

When I was maybe 21 or 22, I decided I'm a feminist, and I'm not afraid of knowledge about my body anymore. One day in the shower, I felt around "down there" with my hand. There were a bunch of weird-textured things. It was so strange. I also tried using tampons- but at that point I didn't really *get* that the vagina is a hole that's able to stretch and fit a tampon inside. I thought the vagina was where pee comes from.

Sometimes I was able to successfully put a tampon in- just keep poking around "down there" until it inexplicably found a place to go in- but I didn't understand how it worked. Where had the tampon gone? Was there really some kind of hole down there big enough for a tampon?

And people said that during sex, a penis goes into the vagina. How? Where?

Then when I was about 24, I decided to buy a small mirror and actually look at it. I felt a little bit dirty and rebellious, buying that mirror. And OH MY GOODNESS. There was a whole ton of stuff down there between my legs that I never knew about! I thought cis female anatomy was more or less like a Barbie. I thought if you don't have a penis, then there's basically nothing to see. But no, there's all kinds of lips and soft pink things, and wow who knew?

That was around the time that Hendrix and I first showed our genitals to each other. (Wow is there a less awkward way to put that?) And he told me that I needed to wash mine because it smelled really bad.

And I told him I'd never washed it before.

And he was shocked. I didn't even know how to wash it. I'd never thought about it. Better to just pretend that my vulva doesn't exist- that's what a good, pure girl does, right? Purity-culture Christians gave so many warnings about becoming "addicted to masturbation"- what if I touched my genitals in the shower, all alone, and then suddenly became "addicted to masturbation" and it ruined my life?

I'd never washed it before. And Hendrix said it stunk.

This was several years ago- I've since learned how to wash it so it doesn't smell- but he STILL talks about how terrible it stunk back then. That's how bad it was. He STILL brings it up sometimes. It made that much of an impression on him.

You know, because I was so pure. That's why my vulva stunk. Purity.

(Purity culture told me "your virginity is the most precious gift you can give your spouse," and that if you've ever had sex with anyone else in the past, your spouse will totally be sad about it forever. They'll never get over it. They'll keep holding it over your head, blaming you. Looks like in my case, my husband doesn't care about my exes, but he's never going to let me forget that my vulva stunk. [Edit: To clarify, because some readers expressed concern about this- he is not doing it in a "shaming" way and I find the whole thing HILARIOUS.])

And purity culture is full of examples like this, where following the purity rules leads to ignorance about one's own body that causes very real health problems. They said it was about "valuing your body." That was a lie.

There were purity-culture followers saying girls shouldn't get the HPV vaccine, because if they're pure they won't need that. Think about that- a vaccine which protects you from HPV and cervical cancer, and purity culture says you shouldn't get it. And then they claim they're "protecting your body because it's so valuable."

The same thing is true about other STDs too. There are purity-culture followers who don't want AIDS treatments developed. Their belief in "purity" motivates them to wish illness (even death) on people who have an STD. Tell me again how "your body is so precious and needs to be protected." Furthermore, there's so much shame attached to sex, a person who has an easily-treatable STD or urinary tract infection or whatever problem "down there" might not even be willing to see a doctor about it. They suffer needlessly because of "purity." (Also: I used to think all STDs were incurable. Because I heard there's no cure for HIV, and purity culture said the consequences of premarital sex will last for your entire life, so doesn't it seem reasonable that all STDs would have no cure?)

Research has shown that taking a purity pledge doesn't stop kids from having sex, but it does make them less likely to use protection. They end up more at risk for STDs and unwanted pregnancies. In other words, purity pledges do the OPPOSITE of "protecting your body."

And can we talk about modesty? They teach that girls need to hide their bodies because they are dangerous for boys. Maybe you shouldn't exercise where boys can see you- what if your boobs bounce up and down and some guy lusts? Yes, better not to exercise- that's what "protect your body" means, apparently. I even heard of one girl who used to hunch her back so that her boobs would be less noticeable (because modesty) and it caused back problems. (And we won't even get into the psychological problems caused by modesty culture- the way it teaches you to believe that your body is bad.)

What happens when purity-culture girls follow all the rules and get married? Many of them believe that sex is by definition painful for people with vaginas, the first time at least. This is a myth, but purity culture is an environment where real sex ed is seen as dangerous temptation, and these myths thrive. In reality, sex doesn't have to hurt if you have a vagina. Go slow. Use more lube. See a doctor. You don't have to do penetration if you don't want. But women raised in purity culture wouldn't even know that pain is a sign that something is wrong. They think that's just the way sex is for women.

Also I've had urinary tract infections at least twice, because I didn't know people with vulvas are supposed to pee after sex. Yes, as it turns out, if you don't pee after sex, you're likely to get a UTI. I never knew about that until it had happened to me twice. Maybe it was mentioned in sex ed class in high school, but of course I was a good pure girl and didn't pay attention in sex ed because it wasn't anything I would ever need to know, right? It's just for people who are planning to sin, right? (News flash: Marriage doesn't prevent UTIs.)

(Actually, now that I think about it, I remember a sexual health survey I took back in college, how I felt so proud of myself for checking the box for "never had sex" on every single question. I felt I was morally superior to people who actually understood what the words in the survey meant- words for different types of contraception and health-related things. Anyway, there was one question about how often you pee after sex, and I wondered what on earth it was talking about- was that a thing you should do? I couldn't tell from the wording of the question if it was supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing. I assumed it was something related to having a penis and so it didn't apply to me, and I didn't think about it any more. Curiosity about why a sexual health survey would ask about peeing after sex could lead to temptation. Dangerous stuff.)

[content note for rape in the next paragraph]

I knew so little about my own anatomy that, if someone had tried to rape me, the hypothetical rapist would definitely know more about my body than I did- all they'd have to do is watch porn one time, so they're familiar with the concept of a penis going into a vagina, and then correctly assume I'm a cis girl. I mean, thank god that didn't happen to me. (But I have heard stories from victims who didn't even know the names of their own body parts until they were raped.) This ideology leaves girls (and anyone with a vulva) so incredibly vulnerable. (And I won't even get into the myths about "men just can't control themselves" which are perpetuated in purity culture and blame the victim for their rape. Yeah that doesn't help "protect your body.")

They said it was about "valuing your body." They said our bodies are so precious and it's so important to protect them. That was a lie.

Here's what it was really about: It's not your body that purity culture sees as valuable. It's not you they value either. Here's what they value: your ignorance.

Replace "your body" with "your ignorance," and suddenly it all makes sense. "Your ignorance is so valuable, that's why you must not have sex. That's why you must stay away from anything that could be interpreted as 'temptation.' God loves your ignorance so much and just wants to protect it. Your lack of experience is SO VALUABLE."

Purity culture values ignorance so much that they believe you should sacrifice your body for it. Sacrifice your body, your health, your sense of self-worth. "Your lack of experience is so valuable."

If they really valued bodies, they would teach sex ed. If they really valued bodies, they would have said that genitals are really cool and for practical health reasons you should be familiar with yours. If they really valued bodies, they wouldn't have piled on layers and layers of shame which causes mental health problems, keeps people too scared to buy a condom, and too ashamed to seek medical attention for any issues related to genitals.

In purity culture, "purity" is defined as a lack of experience. The entire system is built on the assumption that less experience is intrinsically a good thing. It's NOT. When you have so little experience that you're not even clear on what a vulva is, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE ONE, something is terribly wrong. When "purity" keeps you from getting accurate information about your own body, and it leads to serious medical problems, that doesn't "value" or "protect" your body.

All that talk about "your body is so valuable" was a lie. Purity culture doesn't value your body. Purity culture values ignorance above anything else, and if that ignorance can only be maintained by putting your body at risk, so be it.

Results From My Cursory Investigation Into the Availability of Tampons in China

So last week, I read this article, which said Chinese people on social media praised Olympic swimmer Fu Yuanhui for talking about her period. The article included these statements: "Many [Chinese sports fans] said they had not realised it was possible for a woman to swim during her period" and "Eight decades after tampons first went on sale in the United States, a deep-rooted cultural resistance and inadequate sex education in China are blamed for the fact that only 2% of Chinese women use them, according to one recent study."

So, I was like "hmmm I've never tried to buy tampons in China. I've never noticed if stores here have them or not. I NEED TO GO INVESTIGATE."

That article says only 2% of Chinese women use tampons. Next time I'm at the grocery store, I will check for tampons.

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) 2016年8月16日

I rarely use tampons so never thought to look for them in China. I've bought lots of pads,but now that i think abt it, haven't seen tampons?

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) 2016年8月16日

I WILL TOTALLY GO CHECK AND GET BACK TO YOU ON THIS IMPORTANT ISSUE

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) 2016年8月16日

This woman is going to check whether the shop she uses in China have tampons... https://t.co/DH2A5GZEKG

— God loves women ن (@God_loves_women) 2016年8月16日

I promised twitter I would do it, so off I went.

I mostly use pads, and it's no problem at all to buy them in China. There are tons of different lengths, thicknesses, with or without wings, overnight or day, etc. But I very very rarely use tampons- some months I use 1 or 2, some months I don't use any. [Question for other people with a uterus: uhhh is that normal? How many tampons do people typically use every month?] A year or two ago, when I was in the US, I bought a big box of tampons and ended up bringing them to China- not because I was like "oh I really need them and what if I can't get them in China" but because hey, they're perfectly good, I might as well pack them, they're useless to me if I just leave them at my parents' house, right? And I still have some from that box. So I had never asked the question, is it possible to buy tampons in China?

Anyway, I went out to a bunch of different stores- to do research for y'all- and here is what I found.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am in Shanghai. Shanghai is a very international city- I'm sure whatever I find will be a bigger selection than you see in smaller cities in China. I'm pretty confident you can find ANYTHING in Shanghai. (And if y'all are curious enough, I will totally go and look for tampons next time I travel to a less international Chinese city.)

First: small convenience stores

Lawson 罗森 Image source.

Lawson: This is a little convenience store where you can buy drinks, microwaveable dinners, little snacks, etc. There is also a very very small selection of cleaning products like laundry detergent, and hygiene stuff like pads. Oh and condoms.

Let's take a look at the period supplies in Lawson:

So... that's it? Well it's a tiny convenience store, we weren't expecting a huge, wonderful selection. There are several types of pads, but are there any tampons at all? Oh, what's this?

Look at that, I found 2 [identical] boxes of tampons. (The packaging says they are imported from Germany.) So... Lawson only has 1 option for tampons? We're not off to a good start here. Let's check the next convenience store:

Family Mart 全家 Image source.

Family Mart: Pretty much the same kind of little convenience store as Lawson. At the Family Mart I visited, I found the following selection of pads:

Yeah, that's all. You got your seaweed-flavored snack food (top shelf in the image), you got your pads (2nd and 3rd shelves), and you got your kleenexes and wet wipes (bottom two shelves). There are day pads and night pads, several different lengths, several brands. Pretty good for a convenience store. But no tampons.

7-11 Image source.

7-11: The 7-11 I went to wasn't even like a real store, it was more of a stand inside the subway station. Lots of snacks and drinks you can buy, and a few pads:

That's all for 7-11. Small packages of kleenex, day pads, night pads, pantyliners, no tampons at all.

alldays 好得 Image source.

alldays: Another tiny convenience store. Here's what I found:

Yeah, only one slim little shelf, in a corner, below the packing tape and individually-packaged spoons [???? oh China]. Looks like 4 different options for pads, no tampons.

All right we didn't have high expectations for these little convenience stores anyway, right? Let's move on...

Next category: Chinese grocery store

Lianhua 联华 Image source.

Lianhua: This is a grocery store, but I don't shop there because they just don't have anything remotely like western food. No lunchmeat, no imported section, etc. Anyway, here is the situation for pads:

Lots and lots of pads. Good selection- I bet you could find any length/thickness/whatever of pads you wanted. I did not find any tampons.

(Note: Okay picture me going into these stores, taking pictures of all the pads. I was worried that an employee would come over and ask if they could help me find something- at this point, I hadn't looked up the Chinese word for "tampon" so I would have had to tell them I was looking for "the one that you stuff inside." Fortunately that didn't happen.)

Next category: A store specifically for all kinds of hygiene/beauty products

Watsons 屈臣氏 Image source.

Watsons: This is a store where you can get shampoo, makeup, and all that kind of stuff. Also, condoms.

Pads, pads, pads, so many pads. Really nice selection of pads. Oh, what's this? I found tampons!!!

Fantastic! This is the best store so far. They have 2 brands: o.b. and In-V. o.b. has three different sizes and In-V has two different sizes. (All of them are marked "imported from Germany.") [进口 means imported- you can look for that in my photos.]

However, I later went to a different Watsons and found only o.b.:

So I guess it's kind of hit-and-miss.

Next category: Big grocery store

Carrefour 家乐福 Image source.

Carrefour: This is where I do most of my grocery shopping. And where I buy pads. Take a look at all the pads:

 I really love how they have the sample pads hanging there so you can see exactly how big they are. And on every single product's packaging, it says the exact length in millimeters. Very convenient.

 All right, there are shelves upon shelves upon shelves of pads, disposable underwear, pantyliners, etc. Any tampons?

Oh, what's this? I think I found them!

 Do you see them in that image above? Look on the bottom shelf.

Ha! I found tampons at Carrefour! There is only one brand (o.b.) and only two options available. (Again, the packaging says they're imported from Germany.) And I had to look for a long time to find these. They're down on a bottom shelf, really non-obvious.

All right, that covers all the places that I typically go to. But what about some big, expensive, imported grocery store, the kind of store that makes expats sigh longingly and say to each other "They had cheese. Real cheese. Ohhhh cheese. It was 50 kuai [$7.50], but I bought it... wow cheese." The kind of store I never shop at because everything's so expensive and I might get there and see a can of soup or a muffin mix [oh my god I want a muffin mix] and pay a hundred kuai for it because IT'S JUST LIKE THE ONE FROM HOME.

So here we go...

Next category: Imported grocery store

City Shop 城市超市 Image source.

City Shop: This is one of those international, heavenly grocery stores. Let's see if they have decent options for tampons.

So I walked in to City Shop and the first thing I saw was Mott's applesauce and I WAS SO HAPPY, do you guys know what reverse culture-shock is? OH MY GOODNESS, Mott's applesauce. (Only after moving to China and trying to explain to people what applesauce is did I realize the name is very confusing. It's not sauce. You just eat it by itself.)

Mott's applesauce for 38 kuai [$6]. I managed to control myself and not buy it.

Okay but seriously, do they have tampons? I found the following pads:

Oh hooray, I found tampons:

Only 1 brand of tampons (Wishu) at City Shop, and they are all "mini" size. No other choices. (According to their website, Wishu is a China-based tampon company started by a French couple. I'm not sure if they're importing tampons from Europe or manufacturing them in China. Their site says the tampons are "European quality." The point is, ALL the tampons I've found are imported or at least heavily influenced by Europe. Nothing native to China. Though here's an article that says China will soon launch its first domestic tampon brand. Hooray!)

And then, as I continued my adventure at the international grocery store, I saw chocolate chips- OH MY GOODNESS YOU GUYS, NESTLE CHOCOLATE CHIPS and had another reverse culture-shock moment.

Fun fact: You know how in the US, there's the stereotype that women like to eat chocolate when they have their period? Chinese culture doesn't have that concept at all. I asked a few Chinese female friends about it and they acted like it was the strangest thing they'd ever heard.

Let's sum up. Here is a table showing the results of my field research at different stores in Shanghai:

Store type	Store name	Number of tampon brands	Total tampon choices
Convenience stores	Lawson	1	1
	Family Mart	0	0
	7-11	0	0
	alldays	0	0
Chinese grocery store	Lianhua	0	0
Hygiene/beauty store	Watsons	2	5
Big grocery store	Carrefour	1	2
Imported grocery store	City Shop	1	1

Yep. Wow. Watsons is the winner. But wow. That is sparse.

Now, it's tempting to add up that "Total tampon choices" column, but that wouldn't be right, because I saw the exact same products in different stores. So let's make a new table to show the different brands and how many distinct products I actually found:

Brand	Available at	Number of different products
Bluetex	Lawson	1
o.b.	Watsons, Carrefour	3
In-V	Watsons	2
Wishu	City Shop	1
Total		7

Yep. There's the total. In all the stores I went to, I only found 7 different tampon products. Easily found hundreds of types of pads, but only 7 kinds of tampons. And as I said, I'm in Shanghai. If an average person wandering around Shanghai for a day can only find 7 choices for tampons, then there are DEFINITELY small cities in China where you can't find any at all. And if enough readers are interested, I will totally wander around a small Chinese city and tell you what I find. [Note: In China, "small city" means it "only" has 5 million people or so.]

All right that basically covers all the stores- but what about online? It's China, everyone knows you can find anything on Taobao. Let's take a look.

I searched "卫生棉条" (tampon), here's a screenshot of the results:

This is just the first bunch of results. When I scrolled down, there were more and more. Click the image to see a larger version.

Looks like a lot of different brands: Mytex, Tmaxx, o.b., Tampax, Playtex, etc. There are options that ship from Shanghai, Beijing, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Hangzhou, Xiamen, Wuhan, Nanjing, Dalian- many many cities. Yep, you can find anything on Taobao. (My favorite was this one because it has a [probably NSFW] gif that shows how to use them.)

So probably the best way is to buy them off taobao.

(Also, a quick google search for "where to buy tampons in shanghai" reveals there are TONS of English-speaking women/people with uteruses who are asking this question.)

So. Personally, I have a good thing going with my buy-a-box-in-the-US-every-two-years-and-use-them-rarely strategy. Tampons are really good to have occasionally but I don't use them that much. (Anyone want to talk about purity culture and how it blocked any awareness that my vulva is a real thing that it's possible to stick things in? I'm still getting over that.)

I'd also like to find out more about sex ed in China. I've asked two different Chinese friends about this, and they both said they didn't have sex ed, that it's not really something that exists in China. (One said their parents never talked to them about sex either, so they just kind of figured it out from porn. Ohhhhh dear. Oh by the way, porn is illegal in China. But you can't stop the internet, people will find it anyway. They can block google but they can't stop people from finding porn. Okay.)

On the other hand, until January 2016, China had the one-child policy. (Now it's been changed so Han Chinese couples are allowed to have 2 children. The one-child policy never applied to any minority ethnic groups, only Han Chinese, which make up 92% of the population of China.) Which means the government gives out free condoms. Like, there is a box in our apartment complex where you can just go and get a package of condoms, nobody is watching. In my opinion though, that's not enough- and it seems very backwards to have a one-child policy while not giving people thorough education about contraception. Seems like Chinese society isn't willing to talk about sex though.

ANYWAY the point is, tampons exist in Shanghai. They're not terribly easy to find, but you can find them. You won't have a very big selection though, unless you buy them online. I guess you can debate whether it's more convenient to put in the work of searching for decent tampons here or just bring back a whole bunch whenever you travel internationally. (As for the price: I don't really have a clear idea of how much tampons cost in the US, but it's gotta be more expensive to buy them in China because they're imported and hard to find.) In my opinion, though, this points to a bigger problem: Chinese women aren't given enough education about their own bodies. I'm glad Fu Yuanhui was willing to talk about it.