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| Bruce Banner arrives at the Battle of New York on his scooter. Image source. |
[part 2]
[part 3]
[part 4]
Bruce was angry. So angry. This wasn't Hulk, it was Bruce. As his regular self, not hulked out. But he was angry.
As soon as he said the words, "The other guy loves me more than God," he knew. He knew his personal relationship with Jesus was over. And he knew that Jesus had never loved him; he only wanted to use him for his own purposes. (Puny god...) He knew it was wrong, all those things God had said about him being a worthless, dirty sinner. He knew Hulk was right- "God hate Banner."
He clenched his fists. He growled. Angry Bruce was kind of pathetic compared to angry Hulk. Angry Bruce didn't break anything. And right then, he almost wanted to turn into the Hulk, that's how angry he was.
What God did to me, he thought. Part of him wanted to cry, and part of him wanted to smash.
So that was the beginning of his healing. It would take a long time for him to realize the extent of "what God did to me."
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So Bruce left Jesus behind and started the process of learning to love his "flesh." He slowly came to terms with the idea that his body is good and his emotions are good. And the other guy is good. Hard to even wrap his mind around it. He had spent his whole life fighting himself, and now he was doing the opposite. It was so weird. Good, but weird.
Sometimes Bruce was angry, and sometimes Hulk was angry. And there was that one time he heard part of the Lifehouse song "Everything" and flashed back to those dark days when he prayed on his knees and beat himself up and called it "worship" and surrendered his whole life to a God who thought he was trash. Within seconds, his skin was turning green, and the Hulk roared to life. When he calmed down, he saw the damage, the places where he had smashed the walls. God did worse to me, he thought. God damaged me more than the other guy ever damaged anything.
There were times when he felt so free, and times when he felt terrible. He felt alone and lost because his personal relationship with God was over. But, he reminded himself, he wasn't really alone. He had the other guy. He remembered that night when he tried to end it all and the Hulk saved him, when the Hulk ran through the woods screaming and smashing and preaching the gospel to him.
That's real love.
Love implies hate, right? When you love someone, you hate anything that tries to hurt them. That's why Hulk hated God. And now Bruce loved himself, so he hated God too.
Love doesn't mean just being nice all the time. Sometimes love is fiercely protective. Sometimes love is angry.
Sometimes love is an enormous green rage monster.
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Bruce rolled into the city on a scooter and found where the other Avengers- Captain America, Ironman, Thor, Black Widow, and Hawkeye- were fighting aliens. He had come because he knew the earth needed him. Well, the earth needed the other guy, at least.
Destruction everywhere. The streets were filled with debris from the battle. As a huge flying monster came towards them, Captain America said, "Dr. Banner, now might be a really good time for you to get angry."
Angry. Angry like a man who had spent years devoted to a God who never loved him. Angry like someone who just realized how effed-up it is that he was taught to hate his own body. Angry like when you see a good person- an amazing, beautiful person- who's been convinced that they're dirty and worthless. Angry like a man who attempted suicide because he just couldn't fight his sin anymore.
"That's my secret, Cap, I'm always angry," Bruce answered, as he morphed into the Hulk.
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