Sexual Pain, Ignorance, and Purity

Scene from "Enchanted." "And when you go out, you don't wanna wear too much make-up, otherwise the boys get the wrong idea, and you know how they are, they're only after one thing..." "What's that?" "I don't know, no one will tell me." Image source.

[content note: NSFW language describing the mechanics of sex]

I have some thoughts about the good pure girls who follow all the rules, and then sex is painful. (Sort of inspired by this post, How Evangelical Women Navigate Sexual Pain Disorders: New Peer Reviewed Paper!)

Blogaround

Links not related to the antichrist:

1. Talarico (D) Is Just a Letter to Me Now (September 21, via) "On September 9, Texas Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico went on Fox News and publicly walked back his support for trans rights. He hedged—moderated—waffled—caved—folded." Vote for him if you are in Texas. But know that he is not standing up for trans rights the way he should.

2. A Call for Mainline Christians to Reach Out to Evangelicals (September 30) "In my experience, the issue of women being subordinate in evangelicalism is seen by more mainline Christians as merely a doctrinal choice, or a theological difference, rather than as an issue of justice."

This is spot-on. In my experience, there are some churches/ Christian groups that are like "women have to submit, we don't have women pastors, that's what the bible says" and some churches/ Christian groups that are like "well in our church we have women pastors, we don't restrict women, but we understand that different Christians have different opinions on this issue." Like come on, take a stand! Where are the churches that say "restricting women is just WRONG, I don't ****ing care what the bible says"?

3. The Bisexual Problem (August 22, 2-hour-6-minute video, via) "And 'one true love' logic demands that you disavow and de-emphasize all the frogs you loved before. Your current relationship is the only real one, and all your past attractions and relationships were mistakes on the way to finding your soul mate."

This video starts out talking about bisexual representation in media, and how it's difficult to portray bisexual characters because the audience will think the character is "actually" gay or "actually" straight depending on who they end up with. Even review sites which specifically rate the queer representation in movies/tv will look at a story with a bisexual character having relationships with men and women, and say it's "queer baiting" or it's "fake." The resolution of a love triangle becomes "political" rather than just about picking a person.

And then the video moves on to talk about how the entire concept of bisexuality doesn't fit into the gay rights movement which is so focused on "born this way" and "it's not a choice." Bisexuals *do* have a choice, so under this model, it doesn't make sense to fight for bi rights. There are bisexual asylum seekers who aren't able to get asylum because judges think their situation/identity doesn't fit into the guidelines of who qualifies for asylum, even though they genuinely are at risk of violence because of their queerness.

What all of it leads to is, bisexuality just doesn't fit into the "born this way" model, and we need a new model.

4. Disney World solved a problem that could save America billions every year (October 1, via) "Singapore has also spent years building out walkable utility corridors that operate much like the Magic Kingdom’s, transmitting water, data, and energy from the safety of well-organized underground tunnels. Some of Tokyo’s largest districts store their cables and gas lines in huge concrete utility ducts, and many Parisian water lines and fiber optics are kept across the city’s centuries-old sewer system, a catacombs of waste made easily navigable by blue-and-white street signs that correspond to the avenues above. Many university campuses across the US also boast their own sprawling utilidors."

5. Raw Milk Nearly Killed 2 Kids & Authorities Did Nothing (October 1) "Meanwhile, California authorities decided not to pursue criminal charges against her, despite the clear history of Facebook posts and text messages and hospital records that prove she sold tainted milk to be given to children, and continued selling it after being informed of the children’s condition."

6. Review: Portalmania (October 6) "In over a decade of asexual blogging, here is what I know: there are many people who will share personal experiences relating to asexuality, but nearly nobody will share stories of marital rape. Marital rape certainly happens, but the telling of it does not."

(See also, The Great Sex Rescue: Marital Rape)

7. Jim Bakker, the godfather of scamvangelism, is dead at 86 (October 7) "So what’s his legacy? Saying he was a Christian hypocrite would be too easy. He’s someone who realized early on that religion could be used to fleece people—and that television was an excellent way to get his message out to the most ignorant viewers in the country. By constantly scaring them, then offering his products as the only biblical way to respond, he became wealthy."

8. The iconic Arthur Read made his TV debut 30 years ago (October 5) "Arthur" was my favorite show, back in the day.

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Links related to the antichrist:

1. The family of Renee Good files lawsuits over her death during Minneapolis ICE raids (October 1) "'The fact that there's been no accountability, no investigation, no expression of condolence, no change in policy is completely mind-blowing,' Brent Ganger, Good's brother, said. 'We will not wait any longer. The time is absolutely now for accountability, for the deep damage done by ICE and others. We will not be quiet. We will not go away.'"

2. How Desperate To Delete Voters Are Nativist Bigot Republicans? THIS Petty And Desperate. (October 2) "If you are a US citizen living abroad, yes, you are allowed to vote, yes, even if you no longer have a US mailing address, yes, even if you’ve been gone a long time, yes, even if you’re retired and you ain’t comin’ back, and yes, you still have time before the midterms, even in states where you have to mail back your ballot. If you need help — or if you know anyone who lives abroad who you think might, and this includes anybody you know who has a kid studying abroad this semester — then hit up Vote From Abroad and/or their special page just for students."

Wow, very cool to see a big platform like Wonkette talking about how it is for Americans abroad, like me, and plugging the Vote From Abroad website. Yes, if you are a US citizen living abroad, vote!

3. Trump approved the military's 1st firing squad execution since WWII. Why now? (October 7)

4. She got Trump's $500 check for health insurance. To her, it's a 'political stunt' (October 7) "'This reads like electioneering,' says Kathleen Clark, professor of legal and governmental ethics at Washington University law school in St. Louis, Mo. 'This reads as though it's intended to influence votes. That is prohibited by law.'"

5. Afghan wartime allies freed by the U.S. 25 years ago are now fearful and frustrated (September 10) "'What's going to happen if my current status isn't approved? What's going to happen if somebody knocks on the door?' he says, aware that the fear of being pursued has in some ways followed him from Afghanistan to America."

I'm so mad about what's going on with refugees from Afghanistan, the ones who risked their lives to help us fight the Taliban, and now the US is saying, no we don't accept any refugees. Also, the article talks about a mother who was separated from 2 of her kids during the rushed evacuation, and the 2 kids are still in Afghanistan and she hasn't been able to bring them to the US, for 5 years. Don't let those MAGAs ever trick you into believing they care about "family values."

6. KY Gov. Beshear Has Message For Anti-Trans Dems: “We Don’t Throw Anybody Under The Bus.” (September 30)

Also from Erin in the Morning: "Vote NO": Colorado's Top Medical Groups Formally Oppose Anti-Trans Ballot Prop. 135 (October 6) "It is a broad, one-size-fits-all ban that goes far beyond what voters think they’re being asked to approve. It could block necessary care for kids who aren’t transgender, including teens facing testicular or cervical cancer, endometriosis, or intersex conditions."

This book is about "enchantment" but is any of it actually *true*?

Book cover for "Hunting Magic Eels"

Hunting Magic Eels: Recovering an Enchanted Faith in a Skeptical Age, by Richard Beck, is a book about "enchantment." It's about how modern people have lost their feeling of "enchantment." Beck is a Christian, and the book is about how Christians should recapture this "enchantment."

My take on this book is, I agree with parts of it, but overall it was such a muddle, with all these different aspects of "enchantment" thrown together and discussed like they were obviously a good thing, without stopping to answer questions like, what's the point of this? is any of this actually true? is it good for Christians to believe in this kind of stuff?

Letting the Wheat and the Weeds Grow Together (another post about theistic evolution)

Scene from "Megamind": "Oh, you don't know what's good for bad." Image source.

[content note, hypothetical discussion of war, miscarriage, bad things]

Matthew 13:24-30

Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

“‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.

“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’

“‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”

I recently wrote a post, Well I believe in God and evolution but I don't call it "theistic evolution", about how I'm not on board with "theistic evolution" because to me it means "God used evolution, so there's no conflict at all between our faith and the reality of evolution." Yeah I believe in God, and evolution, but "no conflict"??? "God used evolution"? Really? We're gonna sign on to believe in a God who chose to create by using natural selection, where progress is made by heartlessly letting the "less fit" creatures die? I mean, I believe it's true, but this is not really a strong point of evidence for my religion, so let's not pretend it is.

In other words, look at all the bad things that happen because the natural world is governed by "survival of the fittest." Good things have come out of it- the beauty of nature, the existence of humans- but I can't believe God would *choose* to do it this way. Why wouldn't They choose some way that didn't depend on so many bad things happening?

Enter the parable of the weeds. The wheat and the weeds are growing together, and the servants ask if they should pull up the weeds, and the owner says no. Let them both grow together.

Good things and bad things happening, intertwined with each other, impossible to separate. And that's how it always is. A good thing that was only able to happen because of a bad thing that happened before. A good thing that causes a bad thing. It's always like that, impossible to separate.

I've heard of women who have a miscarriage, and then get pregnant again soon after, and give birth to a baby- and the timing is such that, if the miscarriage hadn't happened, they wouldn't have gotten pregnant the second time and ended up having the baby they do have. And they have complicated feelings about that- feeling sad about the miscarriage, because they already loved that unborn baby- but are they even allowed to be sad about that? They love the child they do have, and if the miscarriage hadn't happened, they wouldn't have this child. 

I think this is probably really common, and people have complicated feelings about it, and I believe what Jesus said, just recognize the good and the bad, but don't try to pull up the weeds. You don't have to have a big unifying self-consistent opinion on the question of "do I wish that hadn't happened?"

Or maybe your parents met each other after they both had to flee their homes due to war. If it wasn't for that war, you wouldn't exist. Are you supposed to feel like "I'm glad that war happened?" No, of course not, that's terrible. 

All of us must have something like that in our family tree somewhere. Some horrible thing happened, and our great great great grandfather and grandmother wouldn't have met if that hadn't happened. You wouldn't exist. Are we supposed to ... feel bad about that? No, obviously not. 

As if we're only allowed to declare something that happened was bad if there were 0 good things that happened downstream of it. Come on, that's just silly. Something bad happens to you, and what, you're required to live a sad existence forever, in order to "prove" that the bad thing really was bad? To make sure no hypothetical person tries to claim "look, it wasn't actually a bad thing- if that hadn't happened, you wouldn't have been in the right place to experience these other good things that happened after."

There's always wheat and weeds growing together.

Typically when I've heard Christians talk about this, about how bad things can lead to good things, it's platitudes and easy clichés, and I hate that. Claiming that it's all good because it's all God's plan. God let this bad thing happen to you, for grand meaningful reasons, and you're not allowed to feel bad about it, or rail at God about it. You're supposed to just "trust God." God "redeems" the bad things. God "uses them for good." I don't like this kind of language because, in my experience, it's about Christians telling you that you're not allowed to be unhappy about something that happened. It's not *really* a bad thing, because God "used it for good."

Like you're not allowed to point out that there are weeds and wheat in the field. Like you have to pretend the weeds are good because they're tangled up with the wheat.

Life is always like this, a complicated tangle of "good" and "bad" things. Evolution is like this. To ask why God would "use evolution", rather than using something that was all good- well, nothing in life is like that.

This parable that Jesus tells- I read it as an insight he is making based on his observations about the world. I don't read it like "here is an authoritative decree from God about how God is totally on top of all this and is choosing to allow it to be this way." He says, let the wheat and weeds grow together, not because there's some grand beauty in the concept of "balance" and it's "supposed" to be that way, but just as a person living in this world and trying to make sense of it. How are you supposed to feel, about terrible things that happen to you, which later put you in the right circumstance to have really amazing good things happen to you? Well, that's how it always is. You don't need to try to pull up the weeds. You don't need to choose between "I wish that hadn't happened" and "actually it's good that that happened."

This isn't really an answer to the problems I raised about theistic evolution. I'm just pointing out that the phenomenon of bad things being necessary and direct causes of good things isn't just about evolution- everything is like that. Where is God in this? Did They want it to be like this? Is it also like this in heaven?

And my point is not "there's a deep artistic beauty in how the good and bad things are mixed together, bringing balance to the Force"- no, the bad things are still bad! We still don't want them to happen! When you experience some kind of tragedy, are you comforted by the abstract concept of wheat and weeds growing together? No! This is still a problem that God has to answer for. Bad things are still bad.

But my point is, everything in life is like this, Jesus knew that too, and maybe evolution isn't all that different.

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Probably I should also note that Jesus gives his interpretation of the parable of the weeds in Matthew 13:36-43, and it has some aspects which are different from my interpretation. The main difference is he says the weeds and wheat are people- "people of the kingdom" vs "people of the evil one." That's fine but you can also interpret them as good and bad things that happen.

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