The Future of Christmas Trees

I'm calling it right now: In the future, people will have artificial Christmas trees that don't even resemble trees.

Perfectnumber, what are you talking about? Well let's have a look at how this tradition of Christmas trees has developed, shall we?

First we have the real Christmas tree.

Image source.

So, once a year, people chop down an evergreen tree, bring it in their house, and decorate it, then throw it on the curb a month later. When I was little, I thought "well this is really weird, but everybody does it, so no problem, it's not that weird." Then I found out, nope, in other countries (like China) they totally DON'T, and they're probably all laughing at how completely bizarre it is.

Then people started getting artificial trees.

Image source.

So, these are more convenient because you don't need to buy a new one every year, and it doesn't drop pine needles everywhere.

And there's something incredibly weird about killing a whole tree just so it can be a decoration in your house for a month. The artificial ones are less wasteful.

Then there were other colors of artificial trees.

It's really common to see white ones. Obviously at this point we're not fooling anyone- there's no REAL pine tree with pure white needles like that. Also, a quick google image search for "artificial christmas tree" shows other colors- blue, red, purple.

Because, hey, other colors look nice too. If it's not a real tree anyway, why does it need to be green?

And at some point, someone is going to realize, why does it even need to be shaped like a tree?

First, we'll have hipsters and artist types who put up some odd-looking structure in their living room and decorate it with Christmas ornaments. It just needs to be tall and have places to hang things.

Then that idea will catch on in mainstream culture. People will buy Christmas "trees" in all sorts of different shapes, designs, and colors- not resembling any tree at all.

Children will be befuddled as to why these structures are called "Christmas trees", the same way I was befuddled when I learned that early computers did not have mice. ("But how did you CLICK ON things? Oh, must have been a touch screen.") Then they will learn the origin of the term "Christmas tree", and the history- how not long ago, people used to actually chop down real evergreen trees and bring them into their houses.

People will look with astonishment at the photos of their parents and grandparents, smiling on Christmas morning in front of a real evergreen tree. They'll wonder how that could ever have been practical- doesn't it drop pine needles everywhere? Don't you have to water it every day? And their parents will tell them yes, we watered the tree everyday, right after we were done walking to school uphill both ways.

I'm calling it right now. When this happens- when a generation of kids grows up laughing at how silly and nonsensical it is to use the term "Christmas tree", then you just remember, perfectnumber628 predicted this, back in 2012.

Pictured: Christmas tree of the future. Image source.

Merry Christmas! I'll be in my time machine if you need me.

Blogaround

Image source.

1. The Dark Stories (posted December 10) "Those who seek to glorify biblical womanhood have forgotten the dark stories. They have forgotten that the concubine of Bethlehem, the raped princess of David’s house, the daughter of Jephthah, and the countless unnamed women who lived and died between the lines of Scripture exploited, neglected, ravaged, and crushed at the hand of patriarchy are as much a part of our shared narrative as Deborah, Esther, Rebekah, and Ruth."

2. Photograph Of Little Boy Wearing Pink Shoes To Preschool Sparks Heated Blogosphere Debate (posted December 11) Should parents let their sons wear pink shoes to preschool? Or, a better question, why in the world is this even a controversial thing? Who cares? Geez.

3. While Shepherds Watched Their Blogs By Night (posted December 12) I lolled.

4. Mythbusting Princess Leia's Hair (posted in 2010) I have totally tried to do my hair like Princess Leia many times. In my opinion, the world needs more analysis of hair physics.

5. The perils and potential of N.A.L.T. (Not All Like That) (posted December 13) "That’s a minimal threshold of human decency, not the pinnacle of discipleship."

6. Invisible women and the God who sees (posted December 13)

7. Fuck Everything, Nation Reports (posted December 14) The Onion says what we were all thinking.

The Best Way to Learn Chinese is in Chinese

This was the turning point that totally accelerated my study of Chinese: When I knew enough phrases to start learning Chinese in Chinese. In other words, yeah, I'd been meeting up with a few of my Chinese friends every week, practicing with them, and when I could do that without speaking English at all, that's when things really took off.

Image source.

Three reasons for this:

1. My goal is to speak Chinese, right? Maybe a good method to do that is, you know, by speaking Chinese.
2. If I asked in Chinese, they replied in Chinese, which helped me become familiar with some conversational vocabulary that I wouldn't have thought to ask.
3. Do you know how it feels to realize "wow, I just had an entire conversation with no English"? I want to help you feel that. It's awesome.

So, I've made a list of "all" the words you need to know in order to learn Chinese in Chinese. And if you're studying any other language, I recommend finding the corresponding phrases in that language- you will learn so much faster if you find a conversation partner and quit speaking English.

Also: Even if you don't have any intention of learning Chinese, I recommend taking a look at how I've translated phrases and the literal meanings of each word. You'll be surprised and fascinated. Chinese grammar is completely different from English.

Since this list is quite long, I've (somewhat arbitrarily) divided it into different levels. Don't worry about learning the whole list right now- just learn one level at a time. Also, I've used ___ and ~~~ as placeholders- in real life you would fill those in with whatever vocabulary you're asking about.

(And OF COURSE there are variations on the wording of all of these. I'm just giving you one way to say them.)

Without further ado:

Level 1:

___怎么说? (zěnme shuō) = "How do you say ___?" 
(or just 怎么说? (zěnme shuō) = "How do you say it?")
怎么 (zěnme) = "how"
说 (shuō) = "say"

你说什么? (nǐ shuō shénme) = "What did you say?"
你 (nǐ) = "you"
说 (shuō) = "say"
什么 (shénme) = "what"

___什么意思? (shénme yìsi) = "What does ___ mean?"
(or just 什么意思? (shénme yìsi) = "What does that mean?")
什么 (shénme) = "what"
意思 (yìsi) = "meaning"

这个 (zhège) = "this" or "this one"
Several of the phrases I'm giving you have blanks where you would fill in the word you're asking about. Or just point and say "这个 (zhège)".

怎么写? (zěnme xiě) = "How do you write it?"
(or ___怎么写? (zěnme xiě) = "How do you write ___?")
怎么 (zěnme) = "how"
写 (xiě) = "write"

Level 2:

什么? (shénme) = "What?"

说得对吗? (shuō de duì ma) = "Did I say it right?"
说 (shuō) = "say"
得 (de) = [this word comes after a verb when you want to modify it with an adverb]
对 (duì) = "right"
吗 (ma) = [you throw this on the end of a statement to turn it into a question]

写得对吗? (xiě de duì ma) "Did I write it right?"
写 (xiě) = "write"
得 (de) = [this word comes after a verb when you want to modify it with an adverb]
对 (duì) = "right"
吗 (ma) = [you throw this on the end of a statement to turn it into a question]

怎么发音? (zěnme fāyīn) = "How do you pronounce that?"
怎么 (zěnme) = "how"
发音 (fāyīn) = "pronounce"

怎么用? (zěnme yòng) = "How do you use it?"
(or ___怎么用？ (zěnme yòng) ="How do you use ___?")
怎么 (zěnme) = "how"
用 (yòng) = "use"

Level 3:

可以说___吗? (kěyǐ shuō ___ ma) = "Can I say ___?"
(when you want to check if you're understanding the word right, and you make an example sentence)
可以 (kěyǐ) = "can"
说 (shuō) = "say"
吗 (ma) = [you throw this on the end of a statement to turn it into a question]

___的~~~　(de) = "~~~ as in ___"
Okay, this is unique to Chinese and REALLY REALLY important. So, Chinese has a lot of words which are completely different words (different characters) but pronounced the same. So if someone tells you a character that's pronounced zi, you wonder which zi they're talking about. If it's this one 自， they might answer "自己的自 (zìjǐ de zì)" which means "zi as in zi ji." The idea is to give an example of a word containing the character in question.
(自己 (zìjǐ) means "self", if you were wondering.)

发音得对吗? (fāyīn de duì ma) = "Did I pronounce it right?"
发音 (fāyīn) = "pronounce"
得 (de) = [this word comes after a verb when you want to modify it with an adverb]
对 (duì) = "right"
吗 (ma) = [you throw this on the end of a statement to turn it into a question]

几声? (jǐ shēng) = "Which tone?"
In Chinese, each character has one of the four tones as part of its pronunciation.
几 (jǐ) = "which number"
声 (shēng) = "tone"

拼音是什么? (pīnyīn shì shénme) = "What's the pinyin for that?"
Pinyin is the pronunciation, written in "English letters". For example, the pinyin for "对" is "duì".
拼音 (pīnyīn) = "pinyin"
是 (shì) = "is"
什么 (shénme) = "what"

Level 4:

比如 (bǐrú) = "for example"
You can even use this as a question.

跟___一样吗? (gēn ___ yīyàng ma) = "Is it the same as ___?"
跟 (gēn) = "with"/"and"
一样 (yīyàng) = "the same"
吗 (ma) = [you throw this on the end of a statement to turn it into a question]

___和~~~什么不一样? (___ hé ~~~ shénme bù yīyàng) = "What's the difference between ___ and ~~~?"
和 (hé) = "and"
什么 (shénme) = "what"
不一样 (bù yīyàng) = "different"

再说一遍 (zài shuō yībiàn) = "Can you say it again?"
再 (zài) = "again"
说 (shuō) = "say"
一遍 (yībiàn) = "one time"

如果 (rúguǒ) = "if"
This is useful when describing possible scenarios in which you would use certain words.

Bonus: 

不明白 (bù míngbái) = "I don't get it."
不 (bù) = "no"/"not"
明白 (míngbái) = "understand"

加油! (jiāyóu) It means "keep at it", "good luck", "you got this", things to that effect. (Oh, but the literal translation is "add oil.") Image source.

如果你不说英文，中文也会学得更快！(rúguǒ nǐ bù shuō yīngwén, zhōngwén yě huì xué de gèng kuài)

If you don't speak English, you can learn Chinese even faster!

Click here for more posts about learning Mandarin.

Do not judge. (But kind of do.)

"Do not judge," says Jesus in Matthew 7:1-6. But what does "judge" mean? I can think of a few possible definitions...

1. Evaluate information and make a decision.
2. Punish someone.
3. Decide that you're better than someone else.

So what does Jesus mean here? What is "judge"?

Well let's check out the context. He goes on to say "in the same way you judge others, you will be judged" and gives this metaphor about someone with a plank in their eye trying to point out a speck in someone else's eye.

In other words, "judging" is very closely tied with hypocrisy. "Judging" means holding others to a different standard than yourself, being blind to your own sin and quick to point out someone else's.

And dude, Jesus is so right to call this out. Hypocrisy is an incredibly common sin, and people would get along much better if they realized that nobody's perfect, and that we are often guilty of the things we criticize in others.

So, do not judge.

I like Mark Driscoll's take on this passage. Image source.

But what's this here? "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." So, once you deal with your own sin, you can totally go help others' deal with theirs?

Well, that puts a different spin on "do not judge"... Jesus is not saying we should never address someone else's sin and give them advice/help in dealing with it.

In fact, this makes a lot of sense. If I am honest about my own weaknesses and sins, and I fight against them, then I am uniquely able to help someone else who is struggling with the same problem- and to come across like "I know what you're going through," instead of "wow, you're a loser."

The "do not judge" passage ends with this strange image: "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." I was not aware that pigs could be so vicious.

So it sounds like Jesus is saying you DO have to judge people- don't trust everyone, don't "give dogs what is sacred." Don't judge, but don't be so naive. But I find it very odd that this verse is here, right after the "do not judge" bit, without so much as a "but" or "on the other hand." (Seriously, that's weird. Maybe it's a translation thing?)

To recap: Jesus is warning against hypocrisy in this passage. Don't be overly critical of others and blind to your own faults. Instead, be honest with yourself, and after you address your own sins, you'll be in a position to legitimately help others deal with theirs- and you'll do it with humility, knowing that we're really not all that different; we're all human, with weaknesses. And, strangely, Jesus ends by warning against being too naive and trusting. Also watch out for murderous rampaging pigs.

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous Post: Things we learn from birds (Matthew 6:25-34)

Next Post: In which I ask (Matthew 7:7-14)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

Why No One Will Ever Agree About Abortion

Because the two sides have drastically different views about sex.

One side starts with the belief that sex is something you can totally choose to do with a consenting partner. If this is true, then it's normal for people to have sex when they're married, dating, hooking up, whatever- just decide what your own boundaries are, and that's great.

If this is true, then women HAVE to have access to abortion. Because who knows whether you'll be in a position where you can deal with being pregnant and having a kid?

And it doesn't matter whether the fetus is a person or not. We don't force people to donate their kidneys to save someone else's life- why would we force a women to allow another person to live inside her body like that? It's not her fault she's pregnant- she's just living life like a completely normal person, ie having consensual sex when she decides she wants to.

The other side starts with the belief that sex is only for marriage. If this is true, then when a woman gets pregnant, she'll have her husband there to support her, and they'll be able to deal with the pregnancy and raising a kid.

And if other people want to have sex outside of marriage, okay, they have the freedom to do that if they want, as long as they're not hurting anyone else. And abortion IS hurting the unborn child.

This position often gets criticized as being all about controlling women or judging them for having sex. No, that's not what it's about. It just says if you get pregnant, you have a responsibility toward that unborn child.

Image source.

And the two sides argue past each other- emphasizing that "life begins at conception" when the pro-choice arguments don't hinge on when life begins, or that "a woman should have control over her own body" when the pro-life side is actually concerned with control over the fetus's body.

People are never going to see eye-to-eye on this because they have fundamentally different understandings of the role of sex, and that's a religious belief. Anytime you say "sex SHOULD be [fill in the blank]", that's a statement that cannot be proven or disproven. It IS a religious belief, because it deals with how you see the world and how you think the world should be. Even if you don't follow any specific religion, you still have beliefs that can't be proven one way or the other.

And here's the problem. Everyone should have freedom of religion- but that freedom ends when it hurts someone else. One side argues that pro-choice religious beliefs about sex hurt unborn babies. The other side argues that pro-life religious beliefs about sex hurt women.

Any policy we make about abortion is going to be "imposing religious beliefs" on someone. There's no way to be neutral.

(And I need to throw in a disclaimer about how I'm making some huge generalizations here, not everyone with an opinion on abortion is going to nicely fit into these two categories, etc etc. But I think I'm summarized the essence of each side.)

What should we do? I have no idea. But let's at least start by attempting to understand the perspective each side is coming from.

Blogaround

Image source.

1. Why I Never Play Hard To Get (posted November 9) Yes! The idea that women are supposed to "play hard-to-get" leads to the assumption that when a woman says "no", what she REALLY wants is the guy to try harder. Wow, that's pretty messed-up. Why don't we just have, you know, honest communication?

2. On Modesty and Male Privilege (posted December 5) "If men are skeezy pervs, that's decidedly an issue for men to address."

3. CHRISTIANS: 4 tips for talking to your gay friends (posted December 4) A great video from Justin Lee.

4. Good News (posted December 6)  "For the first time in the history of public education in Saudi Arabia, new textbooks will feature photographs of women."

5. When the War on Christmas Goes Too Far... (posted December 7) An atheist blogger comments on an issue where residents of a senior apartment complex were told their Christmas tree in the apartment's common area needed to be removed. He calls it for what it is- ridiculous.

6. Why Does a Southern Drawl Sound Uneducated to Some? (posted December 7) Accents and stereotypes.

7. Your Husband Will Never Be Edward Cullen (posted December 6) "All of those beliefs are present in Twilight. Love is irresistible. Love is natural. It will satisfy your inner soul. It will be intensely emotional at every moment. All lies."

8. Women, Bodies, & Temples of the Holy Spirit (posted December 7) "Over time, I realized that the teaching that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit directly counteracted every other lesson being taught to young women about their bodies."

9. Why Should We Care About Privilege? (posted December 7) "The point of me realizing that I have the privilege of being an able-bodied person is not so I can feel bad about all the people out there who do not have the same physical abilities as me."

10. Help. (posted December 1) "Do you want to give food? Add up its retail price. Take that money out of your wallet. Flush 90% of it down the toilet. Send the food bank the rest. You’re still helping more than if you gave the food."

11. Africa For Norway Oh no! Apparently Norwegians are all sad and pathetic, freezing to death, and Africans are saving them by sending radiators.

Things we learn from birds

Jesus says what I need to hear, in Matthew 6:25-34: Do not worry.

Pictured: A totally not-worried sparrow. Image source.

First of all, he tells us not to worry because it doesn't do any good.

Verse 27: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Truth. Worrying is totally not helpful.

Jesus makes two analogies, about birds and lilies.

Don't worry about food, says Jesus, because God feeds the birds, and you're much more important than birds.

Don't worry about clothes, says Jesus, because God clothes the lilies, and you're much more important than lilies.

And I want to say, "well that's nice, but birds don't have a great life anyway. They live for what, 2 years? 5 years? And sometimes they fly into a glass window and die from the impact."

It's just an analogy. It doesn't mean you're going to have the same quality of life as a bird. And personally, I find it's a lot more convincing to think of how God has provided for me in the past, rather than try to tease out the similarities between me and birds. For example, right now I'm about to graduate and I need to find a job, and I worry about that sometimes. But then I remember how, for the past 4ish years at college, I've been employed the entire time, doing jobs I really like. And the process of getting a job is mystifying and I totally don't understand it, but somehow God has worked it out, over and over again, and I've been very happy.

Jesus says don't worry because God knows what you need.

Verses 32-33: "For the pagans run after all these things [food, clothing], and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Don't worry. God understands. Focus on God, and he'll sort out the other stuff.

I wonder about Jesus' original audience, hearing these words. Perhaps many of them were poor, and didn't know where their next meal would come from. This stuff that Jesus says- about God providing because he knows what we need- is it true? Or is it a cliche that comes off as incredibly insensitive to people who are actually in need?

No, Jesus wasn't insensitive. He had compassion for everyone he met- especially those who were poor and vulnerable. But how can this be true? There ARE people whose basic needs are not met. Where is God?

What about when bad things happen? How can Jesus say not to worry, when there's no guarantee that you won't die tomorrow? There's no guarantee of anything, really, except that God is with us and understands what we're going through.

And still Jesus says, "Do not worry." And "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness."

Lately I've found that instead of worrying, I should pray.

The truth is, I'm not in control. There are forces in this world that are more powerful than me- for example, employers who are deciding whether to hire me or not. I don't know what's going to happen. But worrying isn't going to help anything- I should pray instead. Because I have a God who loves me and totally understands me. Something will work out, because in the past something has always worked out.

God is with me, and God has been with me through everything I've worried about in the past year. God is with me, even when I forget to pray, even when I question whether he "has a plan for my life." No worries.

Question for my readers: What helps you not to worry?

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous Post: What's the point of treasures in heaven? (Matthew 6:19-24)

Next Post: Do not judge. (But kind of do.) (Matthew 7:1-6)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

Christmas Music Round-up

An unforeseen development has occurred in my life: I discovered that every Christmas song is my favorite song. (Except, of course, the dumb ones.) So I'd like to share some of them:

1. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

"Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
God is not dead, nor does he sleep.
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men."

2. Let There Be Light

"Let there be light!
Let it shine bright!
Piercing the darkness in dazzling white.
Hope for the hopeless was born on that night.
When God sent his son, he said let there be light."

3. O Holy Night

"Chains he shall break,
for the slave is our brother,
And in his name, all oppression shall cease."

4. Little Drummer Boy

"I played my drum for him
pa rum pa pum pum
I played my best for him
pa rum pa pum pum
rum pa pum pum
rum pa pum pum."

Okay, leave me links to your favorite Christmas songs in the comments!

Why my love life is not a Christmas tree

Every year, when I go with my parents and siblings to buy a Christmas tree, we have to make sure we get one that can fit correctly in the corner of our family room. It has to be a certain height, a certain width, and have branches that look reasonably full and Christmas-tree-y.

But most importantly, one side should be a little bit stupid-looking, a little bit flat or sparse, so that can be the side that faces the wall.

Though I currently have a boyfriend, I have previously spent a lot of time thinking about how one should live as a single person who really wants a relationship. Do I make my life like that Christmas tree, where one side is flat, ready to fit perfectly next to a boyfriend, but empty and useless until then?

The church's message to single people uses the word "waiting" a lot. A lot of emphasis on the things we are NOT doing, the things we are "saving." I decided no, I am absolutely not "waiting." I refuse to use that terminology. Being single isn't some dumb meaningless period of life everyone has to live through before their actual life gets started.

I was adamant: I'm not waiting. I do stuff. I have a lot of friends, I'm interested in a lot of activities, I have classes or work or whatever. I hold the opinion that it's awesome living as a single person, even though I would definitely rather be dating or married. But to be single doesn't mean my life is missing something.

And my life, when I was single, was not that Christmas tree, with one part empty, ready at a moment's notice to attach to a boyfriend. No, I'm an independent person- and to live a life that's constructed without thought as to where a boyfriend would fit in is NOT going to make it impossible/hard to date. Really. I already said I'd totally prefer to be in a relationship. No problem. Stuff can change, stuff can move.

I did NOT, as a college student, say "Maybe I shouldn't get a job this semester. Then it would be harder to start a relationship." I did NOT say "Wow I'm really busy all the time- maybe I shouldn't be so busy, because what would I do if I had a boyfriend?" Yeah, I'm 100% willing to change my routine and schedule for a boy, but only for a boy who actually exists.

Nope, don't be that Christmas tree with one flat side. Don't "wait." Absolutely not. Live your life and be awesome, and if/when you meet a significant other, then you make changes and figure it out. Don't make your choices with the attitude that you want to always be ready to transition as easily as possible into dating.

There's no reason to live like this, with an empty space in your life.

Let's get away from this "waiting" mentality and embrace all the awesome that exists right now.

Blogaround

Image source.

1. Jesus Times Two: “Jesus Beck” or “Jesus the Christ” (posted November 16) "We prefer to hear the Jesus that speaks in loud angry words. We prefer to judge our neighbor and decide for ourselves whether he is worthy of any compassion."

2. Cost of Pennies (posted November 27) Xkcd answers your questions about whether it's worth it to pick up a penny on the ground- in terms of gas mileage, time, calories, etc.

3. How to take your picture in front of a tornado (posted November 28)

4. Social safety net? Heck no! Women must pay for sex! (posted November 28)

5. The Christmas Conundrum (posted November 2011) "There is no fake benefactor this year my kids can petition to get more stuff. Because honestly? For a five-year-old, how can Jesus compete with Santa? Our children don't have spiritual perspective; when faced with the choice of allegience, they have a baby in a manger, or they can get a jolly, twinkling, flying character who will bring them presents."

6. On Israel, the Church, and the Politics of Jesus. (posted November 27) "In fact, many [Christians] express a perverse pleasure when there is suffering in the Middle East, because these are mere signs that the end is drawing near. ... The trouble with a lot of popular eschatology is that it assumes Jesus did not win through the cross and resurrection, and will have to resort to something other than the way of the cross to accomplish His purposes in the world."

7. Girls vs. Boys "Laptops": Guess Which Does More (posted November 28) This kind of stuff makes me angry. This example is really blatant, but I've experienced this same message in subtle ways so many times- like "in an effort to be inclusive, we made a dumb version for the girls! And it's pink!"