That Time Jesus Got Hangry

A breba fig. It's the first crop of the year for a fig tree and is usually inedible. In the photo, it is green like the leaves. Image source.

Today let's read Matthew 21:18-22. It's short, so I'll just copy-paste the whole thing here:

Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” Immediately the tree withered.

When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” they asked.

Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

So, wtf is going on here?! Why does Jesus curse the fig tree? Was it because he was hangry and had an irrational emotional outburst?

Okay, I did some reading, most of which took me to websites of the "bible is inerrant" bent (which means they could be biased toward forcing the bible to make sense when it actually doesn't), but I found what they said was backed up by this non-religious webpage about fig trees:

Fig trees produce two crops every year, but only one of them may be edible. The first crop, called the breba crop, occurs relatively early in the year on the previous year's growth. These fruits are frequently small, acidic and inferior in texture, but may be useful for preservation. The second crop occurs later in the year on the current year's growth and these figs should be edible.

So, even though it wasn't the season for figs (as Mark's account tells us), the fig tree should have still had breba figs. But Jesus found only leaves, which means it wasn't a healthy tree that was going to produce figs in fig season either.

The idea is, even though the tree appeared good, it really wasn't, and when Jesus cursed it and caused it to wither, he was exposing its true nature. He wasn't letting it get away with looking like a good tree when it actually wasn't.

So maybe it's a lesson about hypocrisy and how "there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed." Recently in the news we've found out about sexual assault and harassment committed by famous and powerful people, victims have shared their stories with #metoo hashtag, and people have also talked about sexual abuse in the church with the #churchtoo hashtag. A lot of this has been covered up for a long time, and it's good that people are finding out about it. Just as Jesus cursed the fig tree, let's curse the corrupt systems that cover up abuse- let them wither so everyone can see how evil and rotten they are.

-------------------

All right that's all well and good, I could just end the blog post there, but I still think this fig tree story is freakin' weird and we could also talk about these aspects:

• If the fig tree was already unable to bear fruit and Jesus was just exposing that fact, then why does he phrase his curse as "May you never bear fruit again"? It really makes it sound like the tree would have had fruit in the future, but Jesus decided not to let it, as a punishment for having only leaves right now. Seems like if this interpretation is true, Jesus should have said "you will never bear fruit again" or "you are a fruitless tree" or something. Is this a translation issue? Is the interpretation about exposing a fruitless tree wrong? Did Jesus phrase it in a weird way to make some kind of point?
• Was Jesus angry? Did Jesus do a bad thing here? Was he being unreasonable when he cursed the fig tree? Did Jesus ever do anything he later regretted?
• All right, it is super-not-okay what Jesus tells the disciples about "if you have faith and do not doubt" you can move mountains and "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." This teaching leads Christians to believe that they have to manufacture certain emotions in order to make their prayers "work." Which is really bad for mental health (and I touched on this in my post Prayer Rates Don't Correlate With Actual Risk). It means you can't be honest about how you really feel, because if you allow yourself to be aware of your belief that something you prayed for isn't likely to happen, then it's YOUR FAULT when it doesn't happen.
• It's also worth noting that the fig tree is used in the Old Testament as a symbol of the nation of Israel. This passage could be interpreted as a judgment on Israel for their hypocrisy and lack of "fruit."
• The account of the fig tree is a fun one for apologetics because Matthew says the fig tree withered "immediately," while Mark has it withering by the next morning when they walked past it again. Here's an apologetics site that explains "Actually, if we want to be particular, that's not what Mark says. Mark says nothing about when the tree withered; he says that the next day Peter in particular noticed the withered tree." To which I say, ah yes, and Obi-Wan didn't "remember ever owning a droid" even though we saw him with R2-D2 all the time in the prequels because Jedi don't technically own property as individuals. Right. Yeah, that's why. Sure.

-------------------

This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous post: Clearing the Temple Was Not a "Peaceful Protest" (Matthew 21:12-17)

Next post: That Time Jesus Didn't "Stand Up For What's Right" (Matthew 21:23-27)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

Shanghai Botanical Garden (Photos)

Hi everyone, here are my photos from the Shanghai Botanical Garden (上海植物园). Right now the International Flower Show is happening so everything there is really pretty~

You may have grown up evangelical if this is CLEARLY where the friends of the paralyzed man lowered him down to see Jesus.

NEVER EVER EVER let cats near lilies

Though this picture is the MOST ADORABLE thing you'll see all day, it's REALLY BAD and you should NEVER give cats access to lilies. Lilies are poison.

My kitty is fine now, but last week I was scared to death because he ate part of a lily. And lilies are poisonous to cats.

Lilies kill cats. (Click for more information.)

So make sure if you have cats, you don't bring home any lilies for Easter or anything.

SERIOUSLY your cat could DIE.

-------------------

Here's what happened with my little angel:

So, I had some lilies in a bucket (yeah I don't have a vase...) on top of my fridge. You know, it's high up where Kitty can't get it. No worries. At this point I didn't know they were bad for kitties.

Everything is going fine, they're blooming and my apartment smells so nice.

But then one morning, I got out of bed and found SOMEONE had barfed on the couch, and there were some lily petals on the floor. The flowers were starting to die, so they had fallen down.

Ah. Great, why do I have a cat? So I cleaned it up and didn't think about it much, until the afternoon when I remembered my mom and sister had told me lilies are very poisonous for cats. I started looking for information online, and wow, cats can DIE from that. It causes kidney failure. It's really really bad.

So I'm like, eh I don't want to bother with taking him all the way to the vet, eh, sounds too complicated... but then I started getting more and more worried.

I looked up the Chinese word for "lily" (百合花 bǎi hé huā), and I'm thinking, "man, it's possible that if I didn't speak Chinese, my cat would DIE." And I called the vet and asked them what to do. (From this point on, you can assume all dialogue is in Chinese.)

The guy on the phone asked when Kitty ate the lily and when he threw up, and if he's eaten any cat food today. I am such a bad cat owner, I actually had forgotten to feed Kitty that day. Wow. So I said I don't think he's eaten, and the guy on the phone said to see if he eats or not- if not, I need to bring him in that night because it's very serious.

I put food in his bowl and he ate some, but then I decided just to be safe, I'll take him to the vet.

And I threw out all the lilies.

So I told the little munchkin that we're going to the vet, and I tried to put him in a bag so I could take him, and he was really really not a fan of that- it took many tries to get him in.

Then we went out and took a taxi to see the vet. And you know, when the woman at the front desk sees me come in, she's not sure what to do because I'm white and oh no what if we need to find someone who can speak English. This kind of situation drives me crazy, but I get why people think that way- a lot of white people live in China and can't speak Chinese. So I have to be the one to talk first and then it's all good.

We go into one of the examination rooms and put Kitty on the table, and oh he's so nervous. Sticking a thermometer up his butt didn't help.

I told the vet all about it, and she said a lot of stuff I couldn't understand- probably the Chinese word for "kidney failure." She said it's very serious and cats can die from eating lilies. And she asked a lot of questions about when he ate it, when he threw up, how many times he threw up (I don't know but there were 2 spots on the couch, so...), did I actually see him eating the lily, etc.

She told me they would do some tests- I don't know enough medical vocabulary to understand it, but I knew it involved blood tests and I couldn't catch the rest. She told me it would cost 830 RMB. I said okay.

So then some other vet people came in and helped stuff Kitty into a sleeve where only his head and one leg was sticking out- man, he hated that. And they put the cone of shame on him. And I kept reassuring him in Chinese that it would all be okay. And the vet is petting him and calling him "mimi" (咪咪) which means "kitty" to try to get him to calm down.

Yeah and then they stuck a needle in his arm to get the blood sample and he started hissing at everybody and I told him, if you didn't want to come to the vet, you shouldn't have eaten a lily.

Okay so that's done, and they removed the cone of shame and took him out of the sleeve and let him be free. The vet said it would take 15 minutes for the results to come back. So I just hung out there in the examination room, alone with my poor sad little animal, who kept tensing up every time a dog would bark in the next room over.

The vet came back with the results and said it all looked normal, but we can't necessarily be sure yet- it may be too soon to tell. I should keep an eye on him and bring him back immediately if he throws up again.

And she said, you know, it's normal for cats to just barf maybe once or twice a month, maybe he just has hairballs or something and he didn't eat the lily. No one actually saw him eat it.

I don't buy that- really, I find lily petals on the floor and barf on my couch on the SAME DAY- I think there's a connection. But I think he only ate a little and then threw up, so it got out of his system and he's okay.

The next day he was eating just like normal, and running around causing chaos just like normal, so he's fine.

All right. Ah this cat is so much trouble and I had to spend a lot of money for that, but I told him, it's okay, you're worth it.

AND WHAT DID WE ALL LEARN FROM THIS? I will never bring lilies into my apartment again.

Giant bears, however, are safe for kitties.

The Future of Christmas Trees

I'm calling it right now: In the future, people will have artificial Christmas trees that don't even resemble trees.

Perfectnumber, what are you talking about? Well let's have a look at how this tradition of Christmas trees has developed, shall we?

First we have the real Christmas tree.

Image source.

So, once a year, people chop down an evergreen tree, bring it in their house, and decorate it, then throw it on the curb a month later. When I was little, I thought "well this is really weird, but everybody does it, so no problem, it's not that weird." Then I found out, nope, in other countries (like China) they totally DON'T, and they're probably all laughing at how completely bizarre it is.

Then people started getting artificial trees.

Image source.

So, these are more convenient because you don't need to buy a new one every year, and it doesn't drop pine needles everywhere.

And there's something incredibly weird about killing a whole tree just so it can be a decoration in your house for a month. The artificial ones are less wasteful.

Then there were other colors of artificial trees.

It's really common to see white ones. Obviously at this point we're not fooling anyone- there's no REAL pine tree with pure white needles like that. Also, a quick google image search for "artificial christmas tree" shows other colors- blue, red, purple.

Because, hey, other colors look nice too. If it's not a real tree anyway, why does it need to be green?

And at some point, someone is going to realize, why does it even need to be shaped like a tree?

First, we'll have hipsters and artist types who put up some odd-looking structure in their living room and decorate it with Christmas ornaments. It just needs to be tall and have places to hang things.

Then that idea will catch on in mainstream culture. People will buy Christmas "trees" in all sorts of different shapes, designs, and colors- not resembling any tree at all.

Children will be befuddled as to why these structures are called "Christmas trees", the same way I was befuddled when I learned that early computers did not have mice. ("But how did you CLICK ON things? Oh, must have been a touch screen.") Then they will learn the origin of the term "Christmas tree", and the history- how not long ago, people used to actually chop down real evergreen trees and bring them into their houses.

People will look with astonishment at the photos of their parents and grandparents, smiling on Christmas morning in front of a real evergreen tree. They'll wonder how that could ever have been practical- doesn't it drop pine needles everywhere? Don't you have to water it every day? And their parents will tell them yes, we watered the tree everyday, right after we were done walking to school uphill both ways.

I'm calling it right now. When this happens- when a generation of kids grows up laughing at how silly and nonsensical it is to use the term "Christmas tree", then you just remember, perfectnumber628 predicted this, back in 2012.

Pictured: Christmas tree of the future. Image source.

Merry Christmas! I'll be in my time machine if you need me.