Blogaround

1. Evangelical Speaker: Gay Men Are Nice, Straight Men Are Rapey (posted February 20) Well, this is where you end up if your ideology contains nothing about consent.

2. Trouble on Sesame Street (posted 2019) "I am autistic, like Julia. Instead of a childhood full of social rejection and isolation like mine, Julia’s life modeled a better world, until very recently."

3. For the amount of ‘let’s start a new generation in space’ concepts, there’s a noticeable lack in maternity space clothing... so here we are! (posted February 22) Yes! I love this!

4. This violinist played her instrument as surgeons removed a brain tumor (posted February 19) "The tumor, in her right frontal lobe, was dangerously close to areas of her brain that were responsible for coordinating delicate movements in her left hand."

5. And we're still plugging along here in Shanghai. This week seems like most people are back at their jobs. The subways have lots of people but it's still noticeably less than normal. (The previous 2 weeks, the subways were extremely empty.)

It's weird how I've just gotten used to this whole "everyone wears a mask all the time" thing. Like, for the past month, I've VERY RARELY SEEN anybody's nose or mouth, except at home. At the office everybody wears a mask. On the subway, everybody wears a mask. Taxi drivers wear masks. The security guards who check everyone's temperature wear masks. Everyone wears a mask. Sometimes I happen to look at a photo taken a few months ago and it's a bit startling to see "here is a group of people in public and nobody is wearing a mask." So weird how this has just become normal.

Shanghai is a good place for immigrants. (And I have feelings about it.)

Travelers waiting in line at immigration at Shanghai Pudong Airport. Image source.

Because of everything happening with the coronavirus (which has now been named COVID-19), I'm thinking about how it's good I live in Shanghai instead of another city in China. Shanghai has only had around 300 cases of the coronavirus, and the majority of them have already recovered. I feel confident in how the city of Shanghai is handling this. The government extended the Chinese New Year holiday by 1 week so that people would stay at home, and now that we're back to work, seems like the majority of people are actually working from home anyway.

I have feelings about how I'm glad I'm in Shanghai instead of elsewhere in China, but maybe that doesn't make sense. I don't actually know the situation in other places in China- except that it sucks in Hubei province. As for other places, I've just heard a few anecdotes on social media but I have no idea what the overall situation is, and whether it's better or worse than in Shanghai.

Nevertheless, I have feelings. And they're not really feelings about the coronavirus situation. They're feelings about being an immigrant. And culture. And boundaries. And giving up everything for Jesus.

Because, here's the thing. Here's the reason why I live in Shanghai: When I first moved to China in 2013, I lived in a "small city." In China, a "small city" means it "only" has 4 million people. And I met Hendrix and we started dating- and he lived in Shanghai. So after a while, I moved to Shanghai to be with him.

That's it. That's the reason I moved to Shanghai.

When I first came to China, I didn't care what area I lived in. I just wanted to be somewhere where they spoke Mandarin. That's it; that was my only criteria. I was totally willing to be "out in the middle of nowhere." It didn't matter to me; I didn't view my own culture as something I should value and hold on to, and so I did not care AT ALL if there was not one single international person living there and not one single Subway restaurant.

I wanted to experience China. Totally immersed in a foreign culture. I was highly skeptical of any talk about "here is where you can go to meet other English speakers" or anything like that- anything that suggested I would want to have connections with people and things from my own culture. I didn't want that; I wanted to experience the "real" China. Not be "coddled."

I was fine with giving up everything. Because all my life I was taught that that's what Christians are supposed to do. Giving up everything was talked about in church like it was totally normal and expected.

I didn't know about culture. I didn't know about boundaries. I didn't know that what's mine is mine. My culture and my identity. That I'm allowed to keep those things and not give them up.

And then, accidentally, because I happened to be dating a boy who lived in Shanghai, I came to Shanghai. An international city. A very good place for me as an immigrant- well, it's good for me now because now I'm connected with the international community here, and it's so good and life-giving to have friends from the US and also a diverse bunch of other countries too. But at the beginning, when I first moved to Shanghai, I didn't seek that out at all. I even felt bad for talking to my psychologist in English, when I was in therapy for depression. 40-minute sessions with a psychologist who studied in the US... and I felt like it meant I wasn't good enough. We're in China, we're supposed to speak Chinese. I didn't know that my native language is mine and there's nothing wrong with holding on to it. I have that right. It doesn't mean I'm failing as an immigrant.

Shanghai has a big international community. It has restaurants with every kind of international food. It has international hospitals; I have experienced the Chinese medical system and I'm not willing to do that again. It has Pudong International Airport, with direct flights to the US. It has a US consulate- which I've had to go to a bunch of times.

All things that are extremely good for me, as an American living here. But when I moved here I truly believed that none of that mattered.

I learned about cultural differences several years before I learned about boundaries. Way back when, the first time I came to China, it was for a summer mission trip, and we had to do training beforehand about how to accept the cultural differences we would encounter. That training was extremely useful and eye-opening for me; before that, I never imagined that there could be places in the world that do things so incredibly differently from how I'm used to.

The basic idea was, we're going on this mission trip to China, and whatever weird thing gets sprung on us, we just have to accept. Eat the food we're given without acting like it's "weird." If our Chinese friends tell us we have to wear rubbery sandals in their home, well, then we have to.

And I'm not sure how to talk about this, because all of that is true. If you're in a foreign culture, you don't know what behaviors might accidentally come across as rude. You don't know if the "weird" thing you'd rather not do actually has a huge amount of meaning attached to it.

But where do boundaries fit in here?

My answer, now that I've lived here for 6 and a half years (and known about boundaries for maybe... 3 years?) is this: I've adapted my lifestyle so that there are some Chinese things I do and some that I don't. It's sort of an equilibrium based on how big of a deal the thing is for Chinese people, how much I do or don't want to participate in it, and how much of a hassle it is for me to opt out.

For example, I don't eat seafood. Yeah, Chinese people see me as unusual for not eating seafood, but it's not a big deal. It's easy for them to understand that perhaps as an immigrant, I don't like Chinese food, so they are accepting of whatever food restrictions I tell them I have.

Another example: Apparently when someone visits your home, you have to stand up to greet them, and also stand up to say bye when they leave. We were at Hendrix's mom's home and one of her friends came, some stranger I don't know, and I was doing my own thing in another room, and they popped in with the visitor to say hi, and I said hi but didn't stand up, and APPARENTLY THAT WAS HORRIBLY OFFENSIVE OR SOMETHING. Okay, whatever, if it's a big deal to them, then I can stand up. It's not a problem. But see, it's important to know how big of a deal it is to other people before I decide "nah I'm not into that."

And I guess for that mission trip, because it was the first time I had ever been in China and I didn't have a CLUE about ANYTHING, just accepting everything was the right approach. But when I'm living here long-term, it's not. It's definitely not. And when I'm married to a Chinese man, it's not.

See now that I have a baby, I'm in a bunch of online mom groups for international moms in China. Some of the women are married to Chinese men, and they talk a lot about how difficult it is to raise kids when the parents come from such different cultural backgrounds.

Some of them married men from the Chinese countryside, and apparently when they go visit their in-laws out in the middle of nowhere, there's no heat, people there don't use soap when they wash their hands, and so on. I don't know how to say this... well, it's about the habits that people who are poor and less educated have, and I don't want to live that way. But I don't know how to talk about it because I don't want to sound like I believe I'm "better" than them. I'm not "better" than anyone, and there's no reason I "deserve" to have a nice always-had-enough-money American background. It's just the randomness of where I was born. That's privilege.

And now, because of boundaries, I believe it's okay to "not want to live that way." To be unwilling to go there and live like that. But ... I have that choice, and other people don't. That's privilege.

And in the Christianity I used to believe, it was definitely NOT okay to "not want to live that way." We had to be willing to give up EVERYTHING if God "called" us. We weren't allowed to have boundaries with God.

But when I started dating Hendrix, I didn't care about any of that. When I first visited his hometown, I was 100% ready to accept whatever "weird" things I might encounter. (As it turned out, there wasn't anything too "weird." Seemed pretty typical by Chinese standards.)

When we started dating... I didn't even care that he could speak English. He could speak English well back then, and now that he's been talking to me all these years he's totally fluent with barely any accent at all. (Or rather, he has an accent which has greatly puzzled many people as they try to place it ... they ask, are you Chinese or not? did you study overseas? are you from Hong Kong? are you British?) But I thought it would be fine for me to date a guy who didn't speak English. I'm in China; I should speak Chinese. I would be a loser if I needed to speak English. I didn't understand that I had a culture and that it mattered and it isn't healthy for me to give that up.

So yes, I am now really glad Hendrix speaks English so well. We visit my family, we travel in the US, we meet international friends in Shanghai, and all of that is no problem for him.

But recently my mom said, she wishes she could talk to Hendrix's family. She wants to have a good relationship with my in-laws, but they don't speak English. I never considered that. I ... well, to put it bluntly, I thought it was a sin to want things. That's the core of the issue.

Some of the moms in these groups talk about the totally-not-true "medical" "facts" that their in-laws believe. Like "after the baby is 6 months old, you can't breastfeed anymore because your milk is basically just water with no nutritional value." Or "if you smoke, you won't get the coronavirus." And ... imagine trying to raise a child in that environment. Having to deal with all these wrong beliefs and Chinese traditions that they want you to do. Oh, and did I mention yuezi (月子)? Yuezi is the month right after a woman gives birth to a baby, and the woman has to just lay around, wear way too many layers of clothing, and not wash her hair. (Okay, that's my extremely biased description of it...) People in these mom groups talk about "before my baby was born, I made it VERY CLEAR I will NOT be doing yuezi." That's boundaries.

Hendrix's mom lives with us now, because we need her to help take care of Square Root. And I have had disagreements and boundary problems with her. Fortunately nothing as bad as what some of these moms in the social media groups talk about. The "weird" things she believes are not that bad. Mainly she's just irrationally afraid that the baby is cold, when he is clearly not cold.

But my point is, I did not consider ANY of this AT ALL all those years ago when I was like "I am attracted to Chinese men." And I don't know how to talk about this, how to talk about culture and compatibility in a relationship. The fairy tales are always about "love conquers all" even when the two people come from very different backgrounds. Or about how interracial relationships are apparently going to end racism.

Is it okay to say I'm glad I didn't marry a man who grew up poor in the Chinese countryside and has a bunch of weird superstitions? I don't know how to talk about this, because the fairy tales say that all that matters is being in love, and it would be wrong to consider something as "superficial" as money.

And another thing: I've read a few news articles about babies who tested positive for the coronavirus, and so they were hospitalized and their parents weren't allowed to see them. That's how the system works in China- if a child has a serious problem and is hospitalized, they're separated from their parents.

I don't want to live that way. And again, I realize that I'm incredibly privileged; I can just "opt out" and go to an international hospital and pay scads of money for my health insurance plan that covers it. (Even so, there are some situations where an international hospital would need to transfer patients to a Chinese hospital- so yes, there still is a possibility that I wouldn't be able to see my child if that happened.)

So... where does this leave us? How do I sum this up? It's about privilege and boundaries and culture and babies and marriage and giving everything to God. It's about luck, how I'm connected with the international community in Shanghai even though I didn't value it, how I'm married to a man who can speak English and isn't trying to get me to do any unreasonable Chinese traditions, even though I didn't care one bit about that when we started dating. How I've learned to not just "accept" all the cultural differences and "give up" everything I want; no, I am allowed to have my own culture, my own language, my boundaries. And how this whole thing is wrapped up in privilege, every single part of it, but maybe that's not a bad thing.

----------------------

Related:
Culture, Objectivity, God, and the Real Reason I Moved to China

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All my posts about COVID-19:
I'm in Shanghai, and I'm concerned about the coronavirus (January 23)
An update on the situation in Shanghai (January 28)
About Compassion and Reading the News (January 29)
Welcome Baby Square Root! (February 3)
Remember the old days when we used to go outside? (February 4)
So we're (sort of) back to work here in Shanghai (February 12)
Blogaround (February 13)
Blogaround (February 20)
Shanghai is a good place for immigrants. (And I have feelings about it.) (February 24)
Blogaround (February 27)
Well *now* I'm glad I stayed in China (March 8)
The Weirdest Deja Vu (March 15)
Blogaround (March 19)
I'm an American in China. I CANNOT BELIEVE Some of You Are Still Going Out. (March 22)
Blogaround (March 25)
China Bans Foreigners (Like Me) From Entering the Country (March 29)
List of People Who Are Not Allowed to Call Themselves "Pro-Life" (April 2)
Blogaround (April 3)
... all right now I have way too many posts to keep updating this list. You can find them all on the COVID-19 tag.

Blogaround

The text "武汉加油" on a red background. I'll translate it as "Stay strong, Wuhan," though 加油 [jiā yóu] is a fun little phrase that's hard to translate. Literal translation is "add oil." Image source.

1. We’re Bad at Understanding Behavior Based on What We’ve Never Experienced (posted January 31) "In articles describing people’s personal journeys towards identifying as ace, a common theme is ‘I thought other people around me were having sex mainly because of peer pressure’."

2. See why one of the biggest world cities now looks like a ghost town (posted February 18) Wow. This is a video from CNN showing the current situation in Shanghai (because of the measures that have been taken to prevent the spread of the coronavirus).

I live in Shanghai, and I have 2 things to say:
1) Yes, that is what it looks like here. Everyone you see in public is wearing a mask, and some also have latex gloves, big plastic raincoats, etc. You see *a few* people out and about, but not many. Places that are normally PACKED with people are empty.
2) A significant part of that video is from the elevated pedestrian walkway at Lujiazui. HOLY CRAP. I've been there so many times. It's one of the most touristy places in Shanghai. Seeing it so empty like that, wow. Wow.

3. Stop-and-frisk under Michael Bloomberg led more black students to drop out, study shows (posted February 19) So, I guess I'm incredibly naive; I am just realizing now that "stop and frisk" is a nice-sounding euphemism for police bullying black people. It's not like, the police just nicely check you and if you've done nothing wrong then you're fine.

Wow This Headline Gets the Statistics COMPLETELY WRONG

An example of a bad graph. It's a 3D bar graph made of cones, made by Microsoft Excel. Image source.

Umm. Here's how NOT to report on a statistic: Majority of Tracked Migrants Sent Back to El Salvador by the U.S. Were Killed

A huge percentage of migrants and asylum seekers from El Salvador who were deported by the United States have been killed, raped or tortured after returning home, according to a new report by Human Rights Watch. The humanitarian group followed 200 migrant cases over a two year period and found that 138 of those deported were murdered and the rest were either raped or tortured—often by the same gangs they were originally fleeing from. The report, called Deported to Danger: United States deportation policies expose Salvadorans to death and abuse, also found that nearly 11,000 people were registered as missing during the decade. “The United States has to have known this was happening because the cases were publicly reported and more importantly because Salvadorans make it clear in asylum applications that this is their reality,” Elizabeth Kennedy, co-author of the report said in a statement. “But this reality is ignored or not believed by U.S. authorities.”

Yeah this is totally NOT what the Human Rights Watch report said.

Look at this line, from the Daily Beast article quoted above: "The humanitarian group followed 200 migrant cases over a two year period and found that 138 of those deported were murdered and the rest were either raped or tortured". THIS IS NOT TRUE. THIS IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.

Let's click over and take a look: Deported to Danger: United States Deportation Policies Expose Salvadorans to Death and Abuse. Here's the bit that the Daily Beast article linked above is attempting to report on:

Some deportees are killed following their return to El Salvador. In researching this report, we identified or investigated 138 cases of Salvadorans killed since 2013 after deportation from the US. We found these cases by combing through press accounts and court files, and by interviewing surviving family members, community members, and officials. There is no official tally, however, and our research suggests that the number of those killed is likely greater.

Though much harder to identify because they are almost never reported by the press or to authorities, we also identified or investigated over 70 instances in which deportees were subjected to sexual violence, torture, and other harm, usually at the hands of gangs, or who went missing following their return.

The Daily Beast makes it sound like Human Rights Watch choose 200 people who had been deported to El Salvador, and that these 200 people were randomly chosen or at least chosen in a way that they are representative of all the people who were deported. Then they checked what ended up happening to them 2 years later, and HOLY CRAP, 138 had been murdered and the rest had been abused or tortured, OH MY GOD.

No, here's what Human Rights Watch actually did: They said to themselves, "Let's investigate whether people who are deported to El Salvador end up being victims of murder/torture/abuse. Let's see if we can find any cases where this happened." So they searched through police records, news stories, etc, and they found 138 had been murdered and another 70ish had been abused or tortured. This is an extremely serious problem, which shows that the US immigration system needs to not deport people back to places where they are in danger.

But it's simply not true that the "majority" of people deported to El Salvador were murdered. It's just not.

Actually, the Human Rights Watch article says this: "Between 2014-2018, the US and Mexico have deported about 213,000 Salvadorans (102,000 from Mexico and 111,000 from the United States)." Ah, so 138 out of 111,000. 0.1%. Well that doesn't make for a very exciting headline. (However, it's very likely that the 138 is an undercount. So the actual statistic is not 0.1% and it's also not "a majority.")

This matters because it is so easy for incorrect information to spread on the internet. People say/share/believe things because they agree with what they already believe, not because they're true. It's easy to get into the mentality of sharing something on the internet because you see it as scoring "points" for your "side", not because you actually care about the actual practical reality of whether or not that "fact" is true and what we should do to help.

Here are some news articles that reported on this statistic the right way. Calling attention to the fact that this is a huge problem, and also not misrepresenting what the report actually said:

NBC News: Hundreds deported from U.S. to El Salvador have been killed or abused, new report says
Washington Post: At least 138 Salvadorans deported by the U.S. were killed in El Salvador: Rights group (Hmm, this article notes that 109 of those that were killed had been deported by the Obama administration. Well that doesn't really "score a point for our side" now does it? Umm, okay, how about we actually care about immigrants instead of "our side"?)
NPR: Human Rights Watch: More Than 200 Salvadorans Were Abused, Killed After Deportation
The Guardian:  Hundreds of Salvadorans deported by US were killed or abused, report reveals
Al Jazeera: At least 138 deported from US to El Salvador were killed: HRW
Fox News: At least 138 migrants deported to El Salvador from US killed, report says
Vice: People Keep Getting Killed in El Salvador After They're Deported From the U.S.
Democracy Now: Human Rights Watch: 200 Salvadoran Asylum Seekers Killed, Raped or Tortured After U.S. Deportation

And I'll conclude by saying this: The US needs to welcome immigrants and refugees. We have a responsibility to help them. If you're able, please consider donating to organizations that support immigrants and advocate for their rights. I donate to RAICES. If you know of other good ones feel free to leave a comment about them.

Blogaround

A memorial for Dr. Li Wenliang. Image source.

1. A few links about Dr. Li Wenliang:
Li Wenliang, Chinese doctor who sounded alarm on coronavirus, has died
Chinese social media lights up at death of coronavirus whistleblower, Dr. Li Wenliang
Doctor’s Death Unleashes Mourning, Fury at Chinese Officials
Li Wenliang: Chinese academics call for justice for coronavirus whistle-blower
Li Wenliang, China's hero doctor, was punished for telling truth about coronavirus (opinion)
Death of coronavirus doctor Li Wenliang becomes catalyst for ‘freedom of speech’ demands in China

2. The Philosopher’s Stone Created Aurelius Dumbledore [Harry Potter Theory] (posted January 28) Oooh I like this fan theory.

3. Climate Change is Decimating the Chinstrap Penguins of Antarctica (posted February 11)

4. Officials say more than 300 Hmong, Lao in Wisconsin might face deportation under reported negotiations (posted February 11) Oh this is bad.

5. Well I'm sure Tim Challies didn't mean for this to be funny, but: 8 Sins You Commit Whenever You Look at Porn (posted 2017) As an asexual, I LOLed through the entire thing.

So we're (sort of) back to work here in Shanghai

A scene from Star Wars, where the Jedi Council is having a meeting. We see a hologram of a jedi, sitting in a chair next to Yoda and Obi-Wan. Image text: "Working from home: One of the perks of being on the Jedi Council." Image source.

As I said in a previous post, the city of Shanghai extended the Chinese New Year holiday, to stop the coronavirus from spreading. They said we would go back to work February 10 instead of January 31.

So the morning of February 10, off I went, to take the subway and go to work.

My husband, Hendrix, was told that he has to work from home this week. (Don't know why, because we haven't traveled. People who traveled recently are being told they have to self-quarantine at home for 14 days.) Also, most of the people in my team at work decided to work from home this week. But I did not, for a few reasons: First of all, I needed some stuff at the office. Second, oh geez I am so tired of sitting here at home. Seriously, I have only left the apartment a handful of times since January 24, and only for essential things like groceries. And third, Hendrix was using the good desk. If I work from home, well where am I gonna sit?

So I got my mask and hand sanitizer and all that, and off I went on Monday morning.

I felt so nervous just walking from my apartment to the subway. Trying not to walk too close to anyone, or breathe the same air as anyone. The subway was EXTREMELY EMPTY. Like, it was supposedly rush hour and we are supposedly back to work, but there were only a few people. Maybe 90% of the seats were empty. And every single person was wearing a mask.

I got to the building where I work, and on the first-floor entrance there was a table set up where the security guards are taking everyone's temperature and asking everyone to sign in. (They use a no-contact forehead thermometer.) And no, it wasn't crowded at all. Barely anyone there. Also, there were signs posted about how the elevator buttons are being disinfected every half hour.

I got to the office, and there were only a few people there, and we all continued to wear masks. And the windows were open, because ... reasons? Don't want to breathe the same air as everyone else in the building? Umm, okay? It was probably 50 degrees outside though. Very unpleasant. That's when I decided yep, I'll be working from home the rest of the week. (And my project manager also said I might as well work from home because, and I quote, "no one is here.")

At the end of the day on Monday, I went to the subway station and the security guard checked my temperature. Yes, they're checking everyone's temperature, but no, it doesn't cause delays because there are SO FEW people there anyway. Not every subway station is checking temperatures; I think it's mostly the bigger/busier ones.

Hendrix works in HR, so he's been busy with all the things that companies have to do to adapt to this. Like fielding everyone's questions about "I am working from home but I don't know how to access this or that software." And keeping track of which of the employees have traveled and whether they have any suspicious symptoms. At my job, everyone who traveled during Chinese New Year is required to send HR an update every day about if they have any coronavirus symptoms.

I hear a lot of things on social media. Apparently some apartment complexes now have rules where each household can only send 1 person out for groceries 1 time every 3 days. Not sure if that's happening in Shanghai or not- the people who were talking about it live in Beijing. Also I heard from several people who have flown out of Shanghai during the past few days- the airport was pretty empty, and the planes were pretty empty. Lots of flights have been cancelled; it seems like that's because demand is so low.

It isn't good how we're all paranoid every time we walk past a stranger on the street. And it really really worries me how we have all these new rules now- restrictions on where we're allowed to go and when, and we can't turn on the heat in office buildings apparently. Like, who is making these rules? Just whoever happens to be working as a security guard in a little local apartment complex? Umm, I would like the rules to be made by actual health experts. Because this feels like we're losing our freedom because of things that aren't actually helping prevent the spread of the virus. I don't like it.

So I worked from home yesterday and today (Tuesday and Wednesday). I'll stay home the rest of the week, and then we'll see what the situation is next Monday.

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All my posts about COVID-19:
I'm in Shanghai, and I'm concerned about the coronavirus (January 23)
An update on the situation in Shanghai (January 28)
About Compassion and Reading the News (January 29)
Welcome Baby Square Root! (February 3)
Remember the old days when we used to go outside? (February 4)
So we're (sort of) back to work here in Shanghai (February 12)
Blogaround (February 13)
Blogaround (February 20)
Shanghai is a good place for immigrants. (And I have feelings about it.) (February 24)
Blogaround (February 27)
Well *now* I'm glad I stayed in China (March 8)
The Weirdest Deja Vu (March 15)
Blogaround (March 19)
I'm an American in China. I CANNOT BELIEVE Some of You Are Still Going Out. (March 22)
Blogaround (March 25)
China Bans Foreigners (Like Me) From Entering the Country (March 29)
List of People Who Are Not Allowed to Call Themselves "Pro-Life" (April 2)
Blogaround (April 3)
... all right now I have way too many posts to keep updating this list. You can find them all on the COVID-19 tag.

how will i explain this to my children

When I see conservatives behaving badly, I like to make a "how will I explain this to my children" joke. (This is a reference to the idea that queer people shouldn't exist in public because "how will I explain this to my children?" Umm, okay, it's actually not that hard to give simplified definitions of various queer identities to children. What is hard is the hypothetical conservative parent explaining why there's apparently something wrong with that.)

Anyway, now that I actually do have a child, my "how will I explain this to my children" is not so hypothetical anymore. So I thought it would be fun to post a roundup of tweets where I asked that question.

(Special shout-out to Erik for actually answering as if it's a real question, lololololol.)

how will I explain this to my children https://t.co/UVbLBZpACw

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) February 2, 2020

how will I explain this to the children https://t.co/tIkCzQy5gu

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) July 26, 2017

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how will I explain lori alexander to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) July 8, 2019

how will we explain this to the children https://t.co/JXklskPiCP

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) January 4, 2018

"You see, kids, sometimes people suck."

Have you tried that line? ^_^

— Erik Kort (@ErikMKort) April 4, 2019

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww gross how will i explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) March 9, 2019

ugh
how will we explain this to the children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) November 29, 2017

ewww how will i explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) June 11, 2019

hmm yeah i guess that would do it

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) June 11, 2019

oh gross the #NashvilleStatement has versions in several languages (including Chinese) available for download, how will I explain this to the children?

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) October 13, 2017

how will I explain this to the children https://t.co/HOydyray9y

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) July 27, 2017

how will I explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) January 6, 2020

umm
pretty sure foreplay has to be consensual

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) October 24, 2019

how will I explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) October 24, 2019

how will i explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) May 28, 2019

how will I explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) July 3, 2019

ewwwwwwwwwww
how will i explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) June 12, 2019

I'm gonna be honest, I think after you explain Trump to your children, you'll be a pro at this sorta thing.

— Erik Kort (@ErikMKort) June 12, 2019

HOW WILL I EXPLAIN THIS TO MY CHILDREN https://t.co/crKc2eYwrJ

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) July 15, 2019

ewwwww how will i explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) June 10, 2019

ewww how will i explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) June 25, 2019

ewww how will I explain this to my children

— Perfect Number (@pnumber628) November 12, 2019

Strangely, I think it's getting easier. Because no longer will you have to explain ONE case, but it'll be a whole THING.

And honestly, you explain one of them, and you explain all of them. But then, you have to explain how it went on for SO LONG and that's much harder.

— Erik Kort (@ErikMKort) November 12, 2019

Blogaround

Shakira and J Lo perform at the Superbowl LIV halftime show. Image source.

1. New York City votes to ban cashless businesses in step against discrimination (posted January 24) "Supporters of the ban argue that electronic-only payments discriminate against low-income people, undocumented immigrants and people of color, who are less likely to have a bank account or access to credit."

2. Here Are the Most Common Airbnb Scams Worldwide (posted February 1) "In a surprising number of stories, the new house was often full of a weird number of beds, laid out in bizarre configurations."

3. the homeschool reading gap (posted November 5) "Every book I read included a protagonist I was intended to emulate; every book was aspirational and morally correct."

4. As a 28-Year-Old Latino, I’m Shocked My New Novel, Memoirs of a Middle-Aged White Lady, Has Been So Poorly Received (posted January 31) "The name Chab was not a typo. There are plenty of 8-year-old white American boys named Chab. I googled it."

5. Report: Outbreak of idiocy spreading 10,000 times faster than coronavirus (posted January 28) "Public health officials in Toronto have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed fuckwit as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spread across social media."

6. Did Any Medieval Knight Ever Actually Rescue a Damsel in Distress? (posted January 29) [content note: rape] "Well to be completely honest, despite our best and extremely lengthy efforts of our quite experienced team researching this to try and find one single definitively-known instance of that supposed bastion of chivalry, the medieval knight, rescuing a woman in peril, we couldn't find one- with one possible exception we're going to get into in a bit."

OKAY this gives me FEELINGS about complementarianism. Complementarian Christians be like "oh remember the good old days when women knew their place and men valued them and treated them with the utmost respect, those idyllic days of traditional gender roles when women were safe and loved, oh if only we could get back to then, instead of now when women are exploited and sexualized because feminism says men no longer have to protect them." And the "knight rescuing a damsel in distress" is one of the most iconic symbols of that. (I seem to remember the purity-culture book "Captivating" made an EXTREMELY BIG DEAL of that.)

And now I happen upon this video that says, actually, we don't have any evidence that ever happened. And instead, that video contains one story after another after another of women being raped and forced into marriage, while men in power did NOTHING.

Complementarianism is a load of shit.

7. Shakira & J. Lo's FULL Pepsi Super Bowl LIV Halftime Show (posted February 3) Oh my god they are AMAZING.
It has come to my attention that some conservative Christians are criticizing them for being "sexualized" or something? Wow so glad I don't care about that any more.

8. The Super Bowl Is Over. The Discrimination Indigenous Peoples Face Is Not (posted February 3) "Like other teams that have mascots that they claim 'honor' Indigenous peoples, many Chiefs fans proudly sport their headdresses and tomahawk chops, perpetuating the stereotypes that we are primitive people who either no longer exist or only exist as savage warriors."

Remember the old days when we used to go outside?

The US has issued a travel advisory for China: "Level 4, Do Not Travel." Image source.

Okay so here's another update about my situation in Shanghai.

Well, nothing that interesting has happened. As I said in last week's post, Shanghai announced that our Spring Festival holiday will be extended until February 9 (originally it was January 24-30). So, here we all sit, at home. A whole nother week of this. Can't believe I'm saying it, but I just want to go back to work.

We only go out for things that are essential, like groceries. I assume most businesses are closed, but lol I don't know because I haven't left the apartment much. No issues with the grocery stores though. There is enough food. We also order things online; those companies are mostly still running. They're delivering a bit slower than usual though, because they have such a huge volume of orders. And when the delivery comes, the delivery person just leaves it at your door instead of actually waiting for you to open the door and handing it to you. No contact. Oh but then today this has changed; today they are leaving all packages and food deliveries at the main gate of the apartment complex. I guess the delivery people aren't allowed to come in any more.

And apparently our apartment complex has locked all the gates except one, and when you go through that one, they check your temperature.

A lot of restaurants have made social media posts about "We care so much about your health! Look, here is how we disinfect the tables! Here is a photo of all our employees wearing masks! We check the employees' temperature every few hours!" So uh, I guess that means they're open and they're trying to reassure customers it's safe to go there.

All sorts of people are checking in on everybody. HR from work said that anybody who traveled to Hubei province, had contact with someone who traveled to Hubei province, or has a fever needs to let them know. Somebody in charge of our apartment complex called to ask if we've traveled or have a fever. Our apartment rental agency also called to ask.

We took the baby to the hospital for a vaccine a few days ago, and before they let us in the front door, they took our temperature and had us fill out a form about whether or not we've traveled to Hubei. The hospital was extremely empty. Actually, in Shanghai there are a few specific hospitals that are allowed to treat the virus, and the international hospital that we go to is not one of them.

I'm concerned it's getting kind of ... witch-hunt-y. I've heard anecdotal reports about people from Hubei being discriminated against, hotels refusing to take them, a big sign put on their apartment door to say they are being quarantined and aren't allowed to leave the apartment... And on an international level, I've heard people in other countries are being really racist about this. So. That sucks.

Airlines are cancelling all their flights to and from China. The US has issued a level 4 "Do Not Travel" advisory for China. As a little thought experiment, I just checked expedia to see if I could find a flight from Shanghai to the US this week, and there is NOTHING. That's a weird feeling. I'm stuck here. Which is okay because I wasn't planning on leaving anyway, but... I don't like the feeling of being stuck here.

I do know some international people who have left China because of this (some temporarily, some permanently). I don't think it's that bad, though, at least for me here in Shanghai.

There are all sorts of news/opinion articles which say all sorts of things. Some say this virus is basically just as bad as the flu, so we shouldn't be closing off cities or doing any of this. Some say this is totally about to become a pandemic. I think a lot of it is just written to get clicks, rather than to give people useful and helpful information. Blah.

So... where do we go from here? We're supposed to go back to work on February 10- is the situation actually going to be different by then? Like, I don't think the virus is going to be *gone* in the next week. So was it helpful to extend the holiday and have us all shut up in our homes like this? How is this going to play out, long-term? Are we going to be "back to normal"?

I'm not concerned about catching the virus. I'm concerned about all the rest of this. The travel restrictions, the economic effects on companies (which will be passed along to their employees), the fear and misinformation.

Hope things get better soon. Hope the health organizations are able to get a better idea of how to fight the virus, sick people get better, and people stop panicking.

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All my posts about COVID-19:
I'm in Shanghai, and I'm concerned about the coronavirus (January 23)
An update on the situation in Shanghai (January 28)
About Compassion and Reading the News (January 29)
Welcome Baby Square Root! (February 3)
Remember the old days when we used to go outside? (February 4)
So we're (sort of) back to work here in Shanghai (February 12)
Blogaround (February 13)
Blogaround (February 20)
Shanghai is a good place for immigrants. (And I have feelings about it.) (February 24)
Blogaround (February 27)
Well *now* I'm glad I stayed in China (March 8)
The Weirdest Deja Vu (March 15)
Blogaround (March 19)
I'm an American in China. I CANNOT BELIEVE Some of You Are Still Going Out. (March 22)
Blogaround (March 25)
China Bans Foreigners (Like Me) From Entering the Country (March 29)
List of People Who Are Not Allowed to Call Themselves "Pro-Life" (April 2)
Blogaround (April 3)
... all right now I have way too many posts to keep updating this list. You can find them all on the COVID-19 tag.

Welcome Baby Square Root!

All right, so.

Because I've been writing posts about my current situation, being in Shanghai while all this fear about the coronavirus is going around, I feel I need to fill you all in on one, umm, tiny detail, which is: Hendrix and I have a baby now.

He was born before all this happened, thank goodness. It would be so scary to be pregnant and/or giving birth right now with all the closings and travel restrictions and fear caused by the coronavirus. Fortunately, he was born before all of that.

I've been waiting for the perfect time to announce it, but oh well, just gonna go ahead and do it now.

Here's the birth announcement post I prepared a while ago:

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A onesie that says "Oh, Baby" on it. Image source.

Hendrix and I are very happy to announce the birth of our son!!! Here on my blog, I will refer to him as Square Root. He is a fantastic baby, just totally perfect. <3 <3 <3

On the blog, I never mentioned the fact that I was pregnant. However, as you can imagine, I had a bunch of OPINIONS about it that I would like to blog about. So, now that you know I was pregnant and so I have a kid, you can look forward to posts about pregnancy and parenting.

Hooray! I'm so happy to be a mom to little Square Root. He's just great.