Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Psalm 89: Can I be both?

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The first bit of Psalm 89 (verses 1-18) is all about how freaking amazing God is, with all his love and power and everything. And "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever," and, you guys, me too.

I really really believe God loves everyone and God loves this world, so much that he became a person and experienced pain and emotion and everything. And someday he will right all the wrongs. I think that's pretty freakin' awesome and I do want to tell people about it, like the psalmist said.

And then the next bit (verses 19-37) are about how God did so much for David and for the nation of Israel, and how God gave them so many great promises. And yeah, I believe this stuff too. God's done a lot of great things for people.

And then the last part (verses 38-52) is kind of different. "But you have rejected, you have spurned, you have been very angry with your anointed one" and "Lord, where is your former great love, which in your faithfulness you swore to David?"

Like, what the hell, God? You love us and you did all this great stuff in the past, so where are you now? And yeah, I'm there too. What is God doing? Why does he seem far away? Why are things so confusing and there are no answers? (You'll notice this psalm does not provide any neat answers.)

A commitment to declaring God's love forever, and bold statements about how God has "renounced", "broken", "put an end to" the success of his people. How is this all in one psalm?

Can it be both? Can I be both?

I just wanna be honest and say how I feel about God, how I love him but I don't know if he really loves me, how I know I want to be a Christian, how I feel like I have to figure stuff out on my own, how I'm done with believing someone just because they say they know "God's way" to do something.

I'm done with advertising Christianity. You know, only telling people about the good parts. Putting everything in a nice package where each part has a clear explanation and everything makes perfect sense.

I want to sing of his love. But I also want to say "what the hell?" when it's time to say "what the hell?"


This post is part of a link-up on the topic of Psalm 89. To read other people's posts, click here: A Surprise Ending with An Important Lesson.


  1. I literally LOVE this! Thank you for being so honest in your writing. I know sometimes it may not feel like it really matters, or like, maybe no one gets it. But it DOES matter, and I totally get it. It's so nice to see that other people feel the same way about certain things. So, thank you!

  2. I'm right with you. I've been in "I know you love me God, but what the hell???!" mode for well over 3 1/2 years now. That's how long my husband has been looking for a job.