6 Ways I'll Face My Fear of Flying

Good news! I'm moving to China soon!

Bad news... I'm sort of afraid of flying. Like, just kind of moderately afraid... it's never stopped me from buying a plane ticket and getting on a plane, but seriously, all through the flight I'm trying not to think we're about to just fall out of the sky.

Good news! I have flown a lot. I've been to China twice, so, ya know, that's 4 13-hour flights right there, plus whatever silly places we needed to stop for layovers. Seriously, coming back from my first trip to China, I took 5 flights in like 48 hours and by the end I was like, okay let's just take off and land already, I am SO OVER this "fear of flying" thing.

All right. So. Here are Perfect Number's 6 tips on dealing with fear of flying:

1. Statistics. Okay so in the United States, 28000 commercial planes take off and land every day and ALL OF THEM ARE FINE. (Couldn't find a super-legit-looking webpage that said this, so here are 3 mediocre ones which agree. And tsa.gov says 1.8 million passengers pass through US airports every day.) Seriously. ALL OF THEM ARE FINE. Like, we've heard news stories of plane crashes, but just think about all the days you DON'T hear stories of plane crashes. Yep. Each of those days, 1.8 million people are FINE.
2. The pilot. The pilot has probably flown this exact route hundreds of times. Also, the pilot and whoever else is up front have a whole bunch of safety things to keep an eye on. They're not just going to accidentally not pay attention and the plane falls out of the sky. Remember, they are also interested in not dying in a plane crash.
3. Engineering! A lot of people spent a lot of time building the plane and thinking of everything that could go wrong and how to put backups in place. This isn't like hopping in a barrel to go over Niagara Falls. This is decades of engineering, mandatory inspections, redundant systems. (And I think the more I learn about the technology behind passenger planes, the more obvious it will be that they are not just going to fall out of the sky.)
4. Don't read the "emergency information card in your seat back pocket." Don't pay attention to the safety talk from the flight attendants. If you've flown before and you've already heard it, then there's no point to focusing your attention on worst-case scenarios. You already know the spiel. Use your seat cushion as a floatie. The nearest exit might be behind you. Put your own oxygen mask on first. You should generally know the information, but beyond that, DO NOT let your mind imagine horrible emergency situations and how much you are going to die. (Although, every now and then a plane has a problem but IT'S STILL FINE. Like this one, which had to do a belly-landing because its landing gear wasn't working. And EVERYONE WAS FINE. A little bumpy, but IT'S FINE. The pilots and flight attendants are trained for this kind of stuff.) Seriously, if it's going to make you panic, tune out during the safety talk.
5. When there's turbulence or the plane seems to be tilting WAAAAYYY too much, look over at the flight attendants. Look how much they don't care. Seriously. They're just walking around acting like everything's normal. They've probably experienced a bunch of turbulence a million times and they know it's nothing to worry about.
6. Just relax and think happy thoughts. Read a book. Try to forget the fact that you're flying through the air at hundreds of miles an hour, shoved in a metal tube with a bunch of strangers. I mean, if you're gonna die in a plane crash, it's not like there's anything you can do to stop it. Might as well just forget about the plane and read a book. OH ACTUALLY, wow Perfect Number, let's try to spin this in a more positive way. Ahem. During the flight, you might want to marvel at the amazingness of modern technology, allowing us to travel all the way around the world in a matter of hours. Oh isn't that wonderful! Think of the cultural exchange that takes place, think of all the awesome things made possible by air travel. And oh my goodness, you can be part of it! You can experience this fantastic phenomenon for yourself! They sell tickets!

All right wish me luck because I'm going to have to use all these tips in a few weeks!

One more thing: Seriously, check out flightradar24.com for a real-time map of planes currently in the air. There are TONS. And ALL OF THEM ARE FINE.

Also, I'd like to point out that several of these tips are very meaningful for me because I'm a math and engineering person. I wonder if other people are as moved as I am by the statistics and the engineering things. So please tell me in the comments: Are you afraid of flying? How do you deal with it?

Why I Don't Trust God

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"In God I trust and am not afraid.
    What can man do to me?"
        -Psalm 56:11

I used to believe that. I used to believe it with everything in me. It was my whole life, it was everything. Trust in God. It gave meaning to all I did.

"What can man do to me?" What can anyone or anything do to me? God is on my side. God is in control. Nothing can happen to me unless God allows it, and he is with me all the time, and he loves me and he knows me better than anyone. Oh how I trusted him.

No fear. I can face anything. With God, I am strong and independent. Untouchable.

But...

And I feel so bad saying this, but I don't trust God anymore.

Why? Because my gall bladder failed. And I was sick and in pain for 2 months while doctors tried to figure it out. And I had surgery and the gall bladder is gone and the pain went away but... but now it's almost a year later and I'm not back to where I was before. Being sick and unable to do anything for months brought a bunch of other consequences into my life. Delayed my graduation. I felt like a failure for not being in China- I was sure I would be moving to China a year ago. And I'm dealing with depression and anxiety too.

I feel like right now, things are getting better. (I finally got a job in China, by the way, and I'll move there soon.) Health is getting better. I guess.

But see, I can't trust God.

Or at least, I can't trust him to not let my own stupid organs turn against me and completely derail my life for 2 months and I'm still not fully recovered a year later... I can't trust him for that.

And I'm not telling this story so everyone is like "oh my gosh Perfect Number, I'm so sorry." Gall bladder surgery is not really a big deal, apparently it's pretty common... well, not for people who are 23... I know other people have problems much worse than mine. And see, they can't trust God to keep them safe from those problems either.

So when we talk about "trusting God," I need that defined better. Trust him to DO WHAT?

(Oh, right. I know the answer for this one- God doesn't give us a guarantee that he won't let bad things happen, but he does promise to be with us through it all. Oh, great, thanks. What's the point of that? If he doesn't actually do anything for real, just tries to make me feel better or something. Yeah, not helpful.)

And ya know, right when I first got sick, I wondered if God had a reason for it. Why was this happening to me? I had a couple guesses- maybe God wanted me to stay in the United States a little longer, for various reasons. But I don't believe in that anymore- I don't believe in trying to come up with reasons for bad things, I don't believe in any explanations about how God caused this bad thing to happen so that this other good thing could come from it. I believe God redeems, but I don't believe he did this to me on purpose so I could learn and become a better person and all that garbage.

So whatever. I don't know. I don't trust God- I used to, I want to, but I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. 

And this post is a little angry, but I'm actually optimistic about this- I am reworking my definitions of faith and trust. I'll totally blog about that soon. I'll have faith again, somehow.

But for now, I don't trust God.

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This post is part of a link-up on the topic of Psalm 56. To read other people's posts, click here: This I know, God is for me.

Blogaround

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1. “What Atheists Wish Christians Knew” (posted May 12) "You don't know us better than we know ourselves."

2. Psalm 55- Betrayed (posted May 14) "Instead he starts off the service with a word on the same-sex marriage bill that passed the house last week. ...I hear him start with the disclaimer- that I matter to God... but then it is like I don’t matter to God."

3. Is God's presence limited to Scripture? (posted May 14) "Furthermore, to limit the presence of Jesus to the words of Scripture, as if Christ’s presence is restricted to paper and ink, is to deny the resurrection of all its power. Christ is not merely an historical figure that we read about, a person from the past to whom we make intellectual assent. Christ is alive! Christ is present! Christ is directly accessible to all who believe!"

4. The Afterlife of Cheap Clothes (posted June 2012) "In the rag-cut room, two men were silently pushing T-shirts, dresses, and every other manner of apparel into a compressor that works like the back of a garbage truck, squeezing out neat cubes of rejected clothing that weigh a half ton each." What happens when you donate used clothing.

5. Check Your Privilege Alert: #FitchTheHomeless (posted May 15) "I don’t think that’s particularly empowering to a group of people to know that they’ve been designated at the bottom of the totem pole and even the people that are presumably trying to help them agree with that designation."

6. The Incredible Power of Concentration (posted May 16) Step 1: Watch this video. Step 2: Pick your jaw up off the floor.

7. help or harm? power, intent, & objectification #FitchTheHomeless (posted May 16) "This kind of drive-by 'charity' looks a lot like degradation to me, and I can think of a few things homeless people need more than an Abercrombie tee shirt shoved at them by a stranger with a video camera."

8. Christian denominations and marriage equality: A simple quiz (posted May 16) "1. Does your denomination regard marriage as a sacrament? If 'yes,' see Answer A below."

9. Ask a Recovering Alcoholic...(Response) (posted May 16) "I wish more pastors didn’t still view addiction in primarily moral terms. Yes, addictive behaviors often begin with a moral failing like selfishness or overindulgence. But full-blown addiction involves physiological and psychological components that go beyond sin or even choice. Trying harder, reading the Bible more, or praying more are rarely the solution."

Pro Tip: Beheading People is Wrong

So, remember John the Baptist? He was pretty great. Unfortunately, in Matthew 14:1-12 he gets beheaded.

But nobody wants to see a picture of that. Instead, enjoy this lawn gnome. Image source.

So before we actually get into the content of this passage, let's clarify the timeline. Here is how the passage is structured:

• Verses 1-2: Herod hears about Jesus and thinks Jesus must be John the Baptist raised from the dead.
• Verses 3-5: Herod arrests John.
• Verses 6-12: Herod ends up beheading John.

So it seems that verses 3-12 are a flashback, a clarification of Herod's thoughts in verses 1-2. As far as how this fits in with the previous and next chapters of Matthew, I'm not really sure- though remember John was in prison back in chapter 11. Beyond that, the chronology is unclear. (Though writers of the time tended to prioritize grouping similar events rather than making sure everything was written down in the exact order it happened.)

So anyway. Here are the details of what's going on in this passage:

Herod arrests John the Baptist

So apparently Herod stole his brother's wife, and John was not a fan of that. And John kind of got in trouble for speaking his mind about it. Matthew's account says, "Herod wanted to kill John, but he was afraid of the people, because they considered John a prophet." Mark's gospel says, "So Herodias [the wife] nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him. But she was not able to, because Herod feared John and protected him, knowing him to be a righteous and holy man. When Herod heard John, he was greatly puzzled; yet he liked to listen to him."

So Herod seems a little torn over what to do with John.

And then things turn bad.

So, Herod had a party, and Herodias's daughter danced and Herod was so impressed that he offered her anything she wanted. So obviously her mother, an upstanding role model, makes her ask for John's head on a platter.

So what's Herod going to do? "The king [Herod] was distressed, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he ordered that her request be granted and had John beheaded in the prison."

Well, eww.

It seems like Herod really didn't want to do it, but all these people just saw him make a promise and he can't take it back. (Which seems a bit odd to me- if you're at a fancy dinner, and someone gets beheaded... doesn't that kind of reflect BADLY on the host?)

An important dimension to consider here is culture. I know that Asian culture is very honor/shame-based, much different from Western/American culture. And the ancient Middle East was more honor/shame-based than the modern American culture I come from. So for Herod to make a promise and not do it- even if it was something terrible- was probably a much bigger deal in that culture than it seems to American readers.

(Okay now I have to define what I mean by "honor/shame-based." At the risk of over-simplifying and stereotyping, I'll define it like this: When someone makes a very obvious failure in front of others, they carry a lot of shame for that. And when someone directly addresses someone's wrongdoing or mistake, it comes across as insulting and can ruin the relationship. So communication is indirect and conflict is hidden, or maybe just expressed in more subtle ways that drive me crazy when I'm in China. I MEAN SERIOUSLY why don't people just SAY what they wanna say? No, actually it's fine and all cultures are beautiful and I love China but this is something I need to adapt better to.)

SO ANYWAY. Now we move on to the question that has haunted me my whole life: What should Herod have done?

I remember reading this passage many years ago, and wondering for a long time what Herod should have done. He had made a promise to give the girl whatever she wanted. When you make a promise, you have to do it.

But that would mean killing John the Baptist! And Herod really didn't want to kill John. When he made that promise, he didn't mean it like that.

So what can he do? You CAN'T break a promise. You just CAN'T. But but but... he doesn't want to kill John...

Probably something else you need to know here: My way of thinking is super-literal and rigid. (Related: I have Asperger's and I'm totally going to blog about that at some point.) So I just had this idea in my head that you CAN'T break a promise- you just CAN'T. I didn't think "well let's weigh the consequences here: breaking a promise, or murder..." because you just CAN'T break a promise.

She said, "Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist." And yes, all those years ago, I came up with a loophole, a way that Herod could keep his promise, AND not kill John.

All right, ready? Here it comes.

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I went the literal genie route. You know, sometimes in fairy tales there's a genie who promises to grant a wish, and they take the request far too literally and the wisher ends up with something completely different than what they wanted.

So, Herod should have taped a platter onto John's chin- you know, with John fully alive and intact, and then brought him out to say hi to the girl, and that's that. Nobody gets killed, but there you have his head on a platter.

Success!

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Umm, right. So, haha, no that's not what I think of this story now. (Though seriously, that WAS literally my thought process at one time.) Because now I think it is okay to break a promise under certain circumstances. (Such as when you accidentally promise to murder someone. Also, please lie to Nazis.) Herod should have just been like, "no, actually when I said 'ask for anything' I didn't mean it like that, sorry for the confusion, what do you want instead?"

Also, when I think of this story of Herod and John the Baptist, I can't help but relate it to the story of Jephthah and his daughter in Judges 11, a similar bible story which occurred hundreds of years before Matthew 14.

Jephthah was the leader of Israel's army. Before the battle, he made a vow to God- if God gives them victory, Jephthah would go home and sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house.

So, they won the battle. And Jephthah went home and his daughter came out to meet him. Well darn.

So yeah he killed her.

Actually I have heard some less gory interpretations where he took her to the temple to serve there for life (kind of like Hannah and Samuel?) but... I don't know about that...

But really, what was he supposed to do, break a promise to God?

YES!

YES! ALL DAY LONG! Because I don't believe in a God who is pleased when people sacrifice their freaking children!

(Umm but what about the thing with Abraham and Isaac? I don't know, man, that was just weird and messed-up.)

All right, to sum this all up, I would like to quote from Slacktivist's post on Jephthah's daughter:

What impresses me in this commentary is the rabbis’ condemnation of Jephthah’s vow as “not valid.” That’s quite different from the way I was taught this story in my own evangelical/fundamentalist Christian tradition, in which this story is almost always referred to as that of “Jephthah’s Rash Vow.”

That word — “rash” — is treated as the key point of this story, which is presented as a cautionary tale against imprudent or reckless promises. I don’t recall ever hearing a Sunday sermon on the story of Jephthah, but I probably heard a half-dozen Sunday school or Bible class lessons, and all of them pointed to this as the moral of this immoral story: Don’t make rash vows, because you will be bound by them just like Jephthah was.

And that’s monstrous — almost as horrifying as the original story. Those well-meaning Sunday school teachers all assumed, as Jephthah did, that he was absolutely bound by his vow, no matter what. And thus they all repeated Jephthah’s error — assuming that such vows and rules might somehow matter more than the life of Jephthah’s daughter.

That seems to me to be precisely the opposite of what this brutal little story actually illustrates. It shows us the lethal ignorance and sinful pride of remaining “inflexible.” The story of Jephthah is the story of everyone who decides that vows and codes and rules must be absolute. That way of thinking always ends in death.

(click here to read the whole thing)

Well-said. Herod should have said no. Jephthah should have said no. Murder is wrong, and no amount of promises or social pressure can change that.

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous post: Sell Everything (Matthew 13:44-58)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

"Where were you when it mattered?"

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A week ago I read Hemant Mehta's post Is It Okay for Christians to Support Marriage Equality Long After the Rest of Us?, and couldn't stop thinking about it. Why has it taken Christians so long to come around and support marriage equality? (As I've said before, I believe Christians MUST do this precisely BECAUSE Christianity is about loving others, which means listening to what they say they need and taking that seriously.) Why has the church been the main obstacle in the way of equality on this issue?

In Mehta's post (seriously, go read the whole thing), he discusses the fact that recently many Christian leaders have voiced support for marriage equality- but it would have been nice if they had done so BEFORE now, before the "tipping point." Currently, it seems that most Americans- even opponents of marriage equality- agree that it will inevitably be law in the United States. We're past the "tipping point" in the legal sense.

Better late than never, but "where were you when it mattered?"

I have a few things to say about that. First of all, it still DOES matter. There are many many issues affecting gay people besides marriage equality. Gay marriage may be legal, but LGBT people face discrimination in so many other ways in their day-to-day lives. Gay students are bullied and have a high rate of suicide. The very act of coming out is difficult and many people fear rejection- some children are even kicked out by their parents after revealing they are gay. The laws may change, but we still live in a culture where these totally horrible things happen. And that needs to change.

And it matters in the church. So, I'm a Christian, and you have no idea how many arguments I've had with other Christians, now that I found out gay people are real people who, ya know, actually matter and deserve equality and respect. There is SO MUCH IGNORANCE within the church, and it's so wrong. Christian leaders declaring their support for marriage equality may not have an effect in terms of the legal battle for gay marriage, but it does get them in a lot of trouble with other Christians. But it's the right thing to do.

I can't imagine what it's like to be an LGBT Christian. To want so much to follow Jesus, but fear that other Christians will reject you if they really knew you. And to the LGBT Christians out there, you all are my heroes.

And the church desperately needs more people to stand up and say, "We need to support gay rights and love gay people, accepting them unconditionally, because they are PEOPLE and I think the bible may have mentioned something about loving people."

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So yes, this still matters. But Mehta also says in his post that the church can never claim they helped advance gay rights. Christians can never claim we led the fight for equality and justice on this issue. Actually, we were the main opposition.

And he's right. And I'm ashamed to say that for a long time, I opposed all of the gay rights.

Why? Why has the church been the biggest obstacle here? Well I have a theory. There are 2 things present in Christian culture (or maybe just evangelical culture? not sure- my background is evangelical), and it's a dangerous combination:

1. Absolute faith in what pastors/ Christian leaders say.
2. Incredible skepticism toward regular people's accounts of their own personal experiences, emotions, and beliefs.

There are tons of Christian leaders out there that want to tell you "God's way" to do something. Or "the biblical way." "The Christian way." Etc. And for a long time I never questioned. I thought, hey they must be right, because they're Christians and they're presenting this as OBVIOUSLY the way that GOD HIMSELF wants things to be.

So what happens when I go into the real world and get to know people and find that their life experiences do not match what I was taught in church?

Suppose I meet an atheist who says they are content with their life. They're happy and they don't feel like they're missing anything by not having religion. Well... in church I was told that's not possible. "There's a God-shaped hole in everyone's heart." There's no way they're really content with life.

And what if I meet someone who says, "I had sex back in high school and I don't regret it"? Or "I had an abortion and I don't regret it- it really was the right choice for me at the time"? How can this be? In church they said people would always regret it...

What if I meet a gay person who says they didn't choose to be gay?

What if I meet a same-sex couple with children, and they say their family is healthy and loving?

What if I meet someone who says they were raised Christian and lost their faith and tried so hard to be a Christian but... it didn't happen?

And the truth is, since I spend so much time blogging and reading other people's blogs, I have met all of these people online. And in some sense I've gotten to know them.

And there's a choice, when an evangelical Christian encounters real people who do not fit the narratives we were told in church. We can either stand strong for the truth, or let our emotions lead us astray, deceived by the world. Oh wait. No, what I meant to say is, we can either shut our eyes and ears to reality, or have love and compassion for people and work hard to understand them, like Jesus did.

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But far too often, Christians DON'T listen. Instead, they conclude that this complete stranger is lying about their own personal life. Christians, including me, have argued "no no, deep down you really DO believe in God." Christians have told gay people "you just need to repent and God will change you." We have heard of people's struggles and difficulties and said "well you just didn't pray hard enough."

Either there's a world-wide conspiracy, and everyone who claims to have experienced something that doesn't match up with what I was taught about Christianity is lying, or maybe I should have some empathy and re-examine my beliefs. (Though the "world-wide conspiracy" thing finds some support in the whole "all people have a sinful nature" thing. You know, all people except those Christian leaders who claim "THIS IS GOD'S WAY TO DO IT!")

So, in summary: I hypothesize that it has taken so long for prominent Christian leaders to support marriage equality, and the church has stood in the way, because Christians believe we already have all the answers. We already know all there is to know about everyone's personal life and we would like to give them advice on what to do.

And that was the case for me too. I read story after story about what coming out is like, what it's like to discover that you're LGBT, how the church has misunderstood and hurt the very people Jesus loves- story after story after story, with immense skepticism, before I was willing to consider that maybe everything the Christian propaganda machine told me about "the homosexuals" was a bunch of bullshit.

Please, Christians, let's stop this. Please, let's be like Jesus. Empathy, love, humility.

Get your head out of your own personal interpretation of the bible, and go love people.

I Used to Argue with Atheists

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I used to argue with atheists. All the time. Back when I thought I knew everything, back when I thought all Christians believed all the same things (and anyone who differed was not a "real Christian"). Back when I thought being right was the most important thing, and I wanted to change people's minds so they'd believe in Jesus.

I knew all the answers. I could tell you all about the evidence for the resurrection. I could argue against evolution. I believed dating was dangerous and did my best to shut down my attractions. I could recite all the arguments for how a loving God could send people to hell. I knew all there was to know about Jesus' death, about the bible, about God's justice. I could argue about how gay marriage would be a slippery slope to destroying society. I argued for the existence of God, for Jesus' transformation in people's lives, for every human being's NEED to know God.

Because that was the most important thing. People need to be Christians, so Jesus can change their life and bring healing and freedom, and so they don't go to hell.

Christians on one side, non-Christians on the other. Christians had all the answers, and that's what mattered. Being right.

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And oh how things changed.

It's a long story, but I'm a Christian feminist now. And I believe bringing the kingdom of God to earth is far more important than convincing everyone of the facts about God. What is the "kingdom of God"? I believe it's the way God intended the world to be: justice, freedom, love, peace, respect equality. With no corrupt governments, no senseless death, no oppression, no violence.

And oh, I still argue. I argue that Christians need to support all the gay rights. I argue that hell doesn't make sense because why would God have people tortured for believing incorrect information about him? And I will not for a moment tolerate "oh this person's not a real Christian because they said this."

I argue that we all must LISTEN to those who are different from us, rather than telling them we know all the answers for their lives.

But when I argue these things, I'm arguing with Christians.

And they tell me I'm not following the bible. And they tell me I've been led astray by the world.

And they probably think I've "fallen away" and I'm not a "real Christian."

And that hurts. That hurts more than any argument I've ever had with an atheist. It hurts more than being told I'm irrational for believing in God. It hurts more than all the times I've shared how I experience God and people told me it wasn't real.

As Psalm 55:12-14 says,

If an enemy were insulting me,
    I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
    I could hide.
But it is you, a man like myself,
    my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
    at the house of God,
as we walked about
    among the worshipers.

Why can't you see I'm just trying to follow Jesus? I want to love God and love others- the greatest commandments. Why won't you listen? You're so sure you know what the bible says, so I'm just wrong, no need to actually listen.

My friends, my evangelical Christian friends- you KNOW me. You KNOW how much I love the bible and how hard I've worked to follow God. Am I suddenly not a Christian because I voted for Obama? Am I suddenly not a Christian because I believe gay people actually matter and are part of the body of Christ? Am I suddenly not a Christian because I believe teaching girls about purity and modesty is a bunch of garbage?

And now I argue- not to defend doctrine, but to defend people. And I think that's what Jesus would want.

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This post is part of a link-up on the topic of Psalm 55. To read other people's posts, click here: Psalm 55: aka, Praying While Wishing Others Were Buried Alive.

Blogaround

Baby prairie dogs. Image source.

1. Gay pride festivals: a real-life follow-up. (posted May 5) "There were a lot of families there, and bounce houses for the kids."

2. Jonathan Frakes proves that someone can get away with anything for years if they’re smooth enough. (posted May 9) Wowwwww. I'm a trekkie and NEVER noticed this. This is hilarious.

3. Baby Duck Can't Stay Awake. ADORABLE.

4. Trauma Recovery Not About the ‘Story' (posted May 10) "We’re here to support you, we’re so sorry this happened to you and how can we support you? Those are the most important things to say (to the survivors)."

5. We built a well! (posted May 9) "Thanks to your help, people here are walking significantly less every day to collect water. This means each family now can use up to 15 liters per person per day! Most importantly, the water they bring home each day is safe enough to drink."

6. Baby Tortoises.

7. The Troubling Viral Trend of the “Hilarious” Black Neighbor (posted May 7) "Ramsey’s heroism is quickly being overshadowed by the public’s desire to laugh at and autotune his story, and that’s a shame."

8. In this corner: Justice! And in this corner: Love! (posted 2011) "The argument continues to assert that we should not rely too heavily on God’s Love, because that would make God out to be a wussy hippie. And if you emphasize too much of God’s Justice, you make him out to be a pathological warmonger."

Sell Everything

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In Matthew 13:44-58, we have a few parables, then Jesus' rejection in his hometown.

The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl

These two parables are basically the same idea. In the first one, a man found treasure in a field, and sold all he had and bought the field. In the second, a man found a very valuable pearl, and sold all he had to buy the pearl.

(These parables are the same, right? Or is there some subtle difference in what each of them is trying to communicate?)

And I'm just now realizing I've always misinterpreted these 2 parables. See, the treasure and the pearl are supposed to represent the kingdom of heaven. And Jesus says it's worth it to sell all you have- with great joy- in order to get involved with the kingdom of heaven.

I used to think the treasure and pearl symbolized Jesus, or a personal relationship with God. And certainly in other places, the bible says it's worth all you have to know Christ.  But that's not what these particular parables say.

Selling all you have in order to find the kingdom of heaven and be part of it. And what is the kingdom of heaven? Well, as I've said before, I believe it's God's work and God's people both on earth and in heaven. It's justice and freedom and healing and forgiveness and love. It's "the first will be last and the last will be first." It's feeding the hungry, helping the poor, setting the captives free. It's following Christ's example.

So perhaps the message of the parables of the hidden treasure and the pearl is that this is worth all you have. Dedicate your life to bringing God's kingdom to this earth. Partner with Jesus to fight the evils in this world and restore everything to the way God intended. Help people. Love the world.

Which is far different from "give all you have to get Jesus." I definitely believe Jesus brings dramatic transformation to one's individual life, and I've experienced that (and highly recommend it!)- and perhaps this is the first step towards working for the kingdom of God. But the kingdom of God is far bigger than my own individual life.

The Parable of the Fish in the Net

The next parable about the kingdom of heaven describes a net catching many fish, and then the fishermen sort them into good and bad. Similarly, Jesus says, there will be a final judgment, and "The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Umm. So, I don't like that. I've mentioned before that I really really REALLY don't want to believe in hell. (For lots of reasons, which I'll probably put in a blog post someday.) But it sounds like Jesus is talking about hell here. So, umm, apply the brakes to my not-believing-in-hell thing.

BUT. This passage does NOT say hell is infinite torture. It does NOT say hell is eternal. It does NOT say everyone in hell gets punished equally. It does NOT say the criteria for heaven or hell is believing the correct religion.

It says the "wicked" will be separated from the "righteous." What does traditional Christian teaching about "you can't earn your salvation" and "saved by faith alone" have to say about that?

So I will continue to stubbornly cling to my skepticism abut hell, until I get these questions answered. Because really, it doesn't make sense.

Because how do we integrate these 2 teachings about the kingdom of heaven found in this passage? It's worth sacrificing all you have, to help others and restore the world to the way God intended it. Oh, but some people don't make the cut, so screw them.

Uh... Ideas, anyone?

Bringing out of the Storeroom

The last parable is, "Therefore every teacher of the law who has become a disciple in the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his storeroom new treasures as well as old."

Sounds like the kingdom of heaven preserves some old things and introduces new things. Sounds pretty good. (Yes? If anyone has another interpretation of this parable, let me know.)

Rejected

So Jesus goes to his hometown and starts preaching, and people don't really take him seriously because come on, we know his family and where he came from, how can he be something special? 

I mean, he's a carpenter, remember? Image source.

"And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith." A long time ago, I found this to be a very puzzling statement. Why not do miracles? That should convince them, right? Or is it saying that these people are so stubborn that they won't pay attention to any miracles? Or is is saying that Jesus' "miracles" were just tricks for gullible people, and those who lacked "faith" wouldn't be fooled?

But now I see it completely different. Everybody believes what they believe for a TON of reasons. A lot of people have a lifetime of experience following a certain religion, and you're not going to change that in a day, with a couple miracles. (You're not going to change that in one online argument either.)

Some people are at a stage in their life where they're unsure about what they believe and they're looking for answers. Those are the people who will be convinced by miracles. The people who at least had enough faith to investigate who Jesus was.

So if the people in Jesus' hometown have a deeply internalized view that says Jesus can't be anything special, well, it's not like he can change that so fast. It's a change that can happen gradually, and maybe doing some miracles right then and there wouldn't help at all.

Soooooooo the moral of the story is to be realistic. If someone believes something that's wrong or even harmful, you're not going to change their mind in some sudden display of force. It has to be gradual. You have to respect them.

And as for the summary of this passage: Give all you have for the kingdom of God. Perfect Number is confused about hell. And people's beliefs are deep and complicated. :)

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous post: Jesus and Gardening (Matthew 13:24-43)

Next post: Pro Tip: Beheading People is Wrong (Matthew 14:1-12)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

You Are Not Gum

Image source.

[trigger warning: rape]

In a recent article, Elizabeth Smart speaks on human trafficking, Elizabeth Smart explains why, after she was kidnapped and raped, she didn't try to run:

Smart spoke at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, saying she was raised in a religious household and recalled a school teacher who spoke once about abstinence and compared sex to chewing gum.

"I thought, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.' And that's how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value," Smart said. "Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value."

And oh my goodness. I know exactly what she's saying. This is EXACTLY what purity culture teaches. This is EXACTLY what I used to believe.

Smart did not misunderstand or make unwarranted extrapolations from the teachings about purity. This message- "if you have sex, then you are no longer valuable and no one will want you"- this IS the core of purity culture.

For those who are unfamiliar, let me explain her analogy about the "chewing gum." It is common for adults who are teaching girls about "purity" to use object lessons like this. Perhaps they will take a piece of gum, get a volunteer to chew it, and then ask if anybody wants the chewed gum. Or they'll hold up an oreo, and pass it around so everyone can handle it and lick it, and then ask if anyone would like to eat the oreo. Or they'll take a glass of water and let everyone spit in it, and then ask if anyone would like to drink it. Etc etc.

The point is, a girl's purity/virginity is the fresh piece of gum, untouched oreo, or clean water. Something good and desirable. But then, if she has sex, that's like letting other people spit all over it and get it all dirty. And then, who would want her?

(To answer that, please watch this excellent video: Jesus wants the rose.)

So. If you have sex before marriage, you're dirty and ruined. No chance of having a good marriage. Unworthy of any decent guy.

"But wait," you say, "Elizabeth Smart was raped. That's not even her fault. Purity culture doesn't make a distinction between rape and consensual sex?"

Well... actually purity culture doesn't really talk about rape at all. But as I've written before, purity culture only cares about the outward, physical, tangible things one does with the opposite sex. It's all about the physical. So as far as purity is concerned, it doesn't matter if you had consensual sex, or if it was forced on you. The damage is done. You're not a virgin. You are dirty. You are unworthy of marrying any decent guy.

Unworthy of marrying any decent guy. Because, in purity culture, everything sexual and romantic you ever do is SUPPOSED to be with your husband. (Important side note: I'm specifically talking about what purity culture says to girls- I write what I know. Also in purity land, everyone is straight.) So, there have been many testimonies given about apologizing to one's husband. If you ever had sex with another guy- even if it was long before you met your husband- you must apologize, because all your sexual activity was his rightful property. Ever kissed another guy? Apologize. Ever dated another guy? Apologize. And heaven forbid you took initiative and asked another guy out.

And as for the husband/ potential husband who hears all your apologies- he's under no obligation to accept you. He is well within his rights to dump you right then- you've given away what was rightfully his.

So if you were raped? Well, some guy stole your virginity. (Oh, by the way, in purity land, if you're not a virgin it doesn't matter if you're raped.) Some guy stole what was supposed to belong to your future husband.

Who would want you? Your virginity is your worth. Purity culture likes to say, "The most precious gift you can give your husband is your virginity." Which... seriously? How about friendship? How about unconditional love? How about shared interests and experiences? How about supporting each other through difficulties?

ALL RIGHT, enough of this. This is all a bunch of garbage- but yeah, this is what purity culture teaches. (Not specifically the part about rape- but because rape is never directly addressed, and purity culture is all about the physical, well... what other conclusion is there besides "rape makes a person damaged and worthless, just like consensual sex"?)

So here's the truth: Rape is horrible. It is a physically, emotionally, psychologically traumatizing event, and it should never happen to anyone.

But, if a person is raped, it is NOT their fault. They are NOT damaged and worthless. I mean, there's "damage" in the sense that there's trauma and a long and difficult process to healing (and I don't want to downplay that)... but that's all.

If you were raped, you are NOT dirty. You are NOT unworthy of love. You are NOT "impure." It does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to your worth as a human being. It does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to your worth as a potential spouse.

You are loved. You are valuable. I believe God loves every person. And no matter what happens with your genitals (rape, premarital sex, abstinence, WHATEVER), YOUR VALUE AS A HUMAN BEING IS CONSTANT.

And there are many people who want to help and support you. People who advocate on behalf of rape victims, and understand what you're going through. Because you are WORTH that support, you are WORTH getting help and finding healing.

You are loved and you are valuable. And I want to say that over and over again, to drown out all the victim-blaming, to drown out the voices of those who don't believe you, to drown out the shame and the lies.

The article about Elizabeth Smart ends with this line: "Smart says children should be educated that 'you will always have value and nothing can change that.'" And THAT is the message I want to see the church proclaim from the rooftops. Not purity culture. Not "you're damaged goods." Not scare tactics.

"You will always have value and nothing can change that."

Look for This While Reading the Bible!

Image source.

Take a look at Psalm 54, a chiastic psalm.

"What," you may ask, "is a chiastic psalm?"

Chiastic structure is a literary device used in the bible and other ancient writings. Basically, you have something written in the form "ABC...CBA"- the first and last parts are related, the second and second-to-last are related, the third and third-to-last are related, etc. It sort of builds up to the most important point, right in the middle, and then back down.

(The name "chiastic" comes from the Greek letter chi, which looks like an X. Something about how there's a connection between the parts on opposite ends.)

So let's see how Psalm 54 fits this structure (I recommend reading the whole psalm as written before reading how I've rearranged it here):

(v1) Save me, O God, by your name;
    vindicate me by your might.
...
(v7) You have delivered me from all my troubles,
    and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.

(v2) Hear my prayer, O God;
    listen to the words of my mouth.
...
(v6) I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you;
    I will praise your name, Lord, for it is good.

(v3) Arrogant foes are attacking me;
    ruthless people are trying to kill me--
    people without regard for God.
...
(v5) Let evil recoil on those who slander me;
    in your faithfulness destroy them.

And the main theme, right here in the center:

(v4) Surely God is my help;
   the Lord is the one who sustains me.

This chiastic stuff is so cool! And it's really helpful to know about literary things like this when studying the bible. As an analogy, think about some literary devices used in English poems- acrostics, rhyme, etc. If you didn't know about them, you would miss out on some of the meaning and beauty of the poem. Same deal with chiasm in the bible. (And here is a good post about chiastic structure in the "wives submit to your husbands" passage.)

So, back to Psalm 54. A psalm about being rescued by God, about God helping to defeat enemies, but the centerpiece is verse 4, "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me."

God is with us. God saves. God defeats evil. And God is with us.

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This post is part of a link-up on the topic of Psalm 54. To read other people's posts, click here: The pursuit that matters most.