Tuesday, July 2, 2013

A Prayer I Don't Even Believe

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"Yes, my soul, find rest in God..."

I read this psalm over and over this week, trying to understand, trying to feel what I used to feel.

I want to believe it, I so much want to believe it. Finding rest in God.

But how? It's not real, it's just a cliche.

"Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge."

And he used to be my refuge. I used to read this psalm over and over and it was my prayer. It was real- I really did tell my soul to find rest in God. And I loved this psalm and the comfort it brought.

And now I don't even know what it means. Finding rest in God? God is my refuge? It's just some spiritual metaphor. It doesn't really mean anything in a practical sense. Because how can God be a "refuge" if he doesn't protect us from bad things? How can it be a good idea to "rest" in God if he doesn't actually make a difference?

"... he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

I wish it were true.

I read this psalm and I love it, I really do love it, as I remember how it used to give me so much encouragement. The words, the poetry, the deep trust in God... but is it just poetry? How can I really believe this? How can I take this psalm seriously?

"Truly my soul finds rest in God;
    my salvation comes from him."

I want rest and I want God. And maybe this is silly, but... am I allowed to pray a prayer I don't even believe?

Maybe... maybe I will.


This post is part of a link-up on the topic of Psalm 62. To read other people's posts, click here: Hitting Rock.

1 comment:

  1. I love your honesty. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. If you want, you can check out my blog here: http://writingsblogg.blogspot.com/2013/07/sick-of-cliche.html