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Friday, April 19, 2013

"Never Will I Leave You; Never Will I Forsake You."

God is with me. "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

I don't want to pray because I'm having trouble understanding what the point is.

And God is with me. "He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

My view of God is so off. I fear that he can't understand me, can't understand why I'm a feminist, can't understand why I want to go to China. I'm stuck on this image of a white American god, as naive and prejudiced as the average person at my church. Why would I pray to that god? Why would I submit my life to that god?

And God is with me. "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

I know I should listen to God, but I don't know how anymore. What do I do, just pray and then sit and listen and do nothing and wait to see if God gives me some thought in response to my questions? I... I just can't. Can't sit still and listen.

And God is with me. "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

When I was in college, I used to get up early every morning so I could read the bible and pray for about 45 minutes to an hour. I liked that. I felt God and I knew God was with me. And I prayed in my spare time. And I prayed whenever I had a problem. And now? I wish I could, but...

And God is with me. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Some days I read the bible. Some days I can't concentrate enough to do it.

And God is with me. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I don't know what to pray. Sometimes I just listen to a song, and that's my prayer, because I have no words.

And God is with me. "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

And God is with me.

And God is with me.

And God is with me.

As it turns out, I had previously not believed "God is always with me," but "God is with me when I'm keeping up with praying/bible every day."

Lies. 

Romans 8 says nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing. Not even my lack of faithfulness.

And don't misunderstand- I'm not saying it's totally fine for me to just not pray and keep on not praying. No. I want to pray like I should, but I'm not there yet. But I no longer believe that God leaves me on my own until I get my act together. I no longer believe it's all my responsibility to fix my life.

God is with me. "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

When God said "never," he meant never.

When God said "always," he meant always.

God is with me. "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

3 comments:

  1. I get this. Thank you for your transparency.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds so familiar. Good comforting words and reminders, thank You for sharing (:
    Blessings

    ReplyDelete

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