"Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate" (a book review)

Image source.

I recently read Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate, by Justin Lee, and I totally recommend it- particularly for straight Christians coming from a conservative background. Like me. :)

Lee is, and has always been, a strong Christian, so he was very confused when, as a teenager, he realized he's gay. He spends most of the book telling his story, and seriously, any Christian with an opinion on "the gay issue" should be required to read personal stories like this. (I cried at the part where he comes out to his parents.) He tells about how certain he was that God would change him and make him straight. He tells about his experiences in ex-gay programs (spoiler: it didn't work). He tells about being judged, condemned, and misunderstood by other Christians.

What struck me as I read this was the Christ-like compassion that is evident throughout the entire telling of his story. Lee did not write this book to condemn the people who hurt him. Instead, he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt- assuming that it's simply ignorance and misunderstanding that led well-meaning people to judge/condemn him.

To those who told him that surely being gay is a choice, and he just needs to repent and God will forgive him- well, it was what they had been taught, how could they have known how much their words would hurt? To the Christians who recommend ex-gay programs to their gay friends- well, they really are trying to help, but they just don't understand that it doesn't work. To the ex-gay advocates who claim their orientation has changed, but also reluctantly admit that they still experience same-sex attraction- well, they really do believe they're on a journey to being straight, and they just want to offer hope. Lee doesn't point the finger at anyone; he does not consider anyone an enemy. Instead, he believes everyone just needs to be willing to listen and love people more (you know, like Jesus said). His Christ-like love as he tells his story is more than I'd be capable of.

Lee also discusses what the bible says about homosexuality. He examines each of the specific passages used in this "debate", and tells how they left him unsatisfied. Each time the bible specifically mentions homosexuality, it's in the context of rape/lust/promiscuity- but what about loving, monogamous relationships? So... does that mean God is okay with gay marriage? But what about this Greek word translated "homosexual offenders" or "male prostitutes" or "effeminate" (depending on which version of the bible you're looking at)? You can't just dismiss that...

I love how much devotion and respect Lee has for the bible. How he prayed for God to help him find the truth, and no matter what, he would be obedient to God. If it meant God would make him straight, if it meant he had to be celibate for his whole life, if it meant he should pursue a same-sex marriage. Committed to Jesus above anything else, and unwilling to pretend that the bible says something it doesn't. He's not going to agree with some pathetic argument that "well surely God just wants me to be happy" and he's not going to force the bible to tell him what he wants to hear.

But as he continued to study the bible- the whole bible, not just the "clobber passages"- he was astonished to find Romans 13:8-10, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, 'do not commit adultery,' 'do not murder,' 'do not steal,' 'do not covet,' and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."

In other words, every commandment God gives Christians is based in the commands to love God and love others. If gay marriage is inherently sinful, then there must be a reason for that- it must be because some aspect of it is inherently unloving. And this is a big part of how he came to the conclusion that God blesses loving, committed, monogamous same-sex relationships.

BUT other Christians (a majority?) disagree, and Lee is okay with that. His goal is not to change everyone's mind and make them think what he thinks. Instead, he calls on all Christians to be truly loving and accepting toward the LGBT community- to listen to their stories, to show compassion, to love the way Jesus loved, to not judge. Because more than anything else, we need to be about Jesus and the gospel.

And last of all, I wonder this: If someone like Justin Lee, who spent so much time and energy praying and studying the bible and seeking God's will for his life, who refused to abandon his faith, because he truly knows Jesus- if even he had trouble feeling comfortable among other Christians, then what is happening to the rest of the gay population?

Lee writes the following excerpt, about his desire for Christian community and decision to attend a meeting of a Christian group at college, even though he was afraid of being judged and rejected:
"I managed to (mostly) calm my nerves enough to make it to their orientation meeting. I did my best to watch myself to make sure I didn't seem too gay; I was starting to realize that some people could tell by things like vocal inflection or careless mannerisms, and that had me paranoid. With my most masculine mannerisms, and my most masculine voice, I introduced myself to some of the many new faces around me."

If this is happening, if a brother in Christ is afraid and feels he needs to hide part of who he is in order to be accepted, if he's nervous and the only appeal is that he already knows Jesus and desires to meet other people with the same passion- then what is happening to the rest of the gay community? Surely a large percentage of them would never even consider going to a church.

Christians, this is not okay. Christians, we need to change. Christians, we need to proclaim love and mercy and grace, instead of judgment and hate.

And the approach that Lee takes in his book- his devotion to Jesus, his compassion toward people, his loyalty to Scripture- is a good place to start.

What's the point of treasures in heaven?

In heaven, isn't everything awesome anyway? Why do we need "treasures"?

Jesus talks about the "treasures in heaven", and some other things, in Matthew 6:19-24. Go read it, and here is what I have to say:

I am the queen of photoshop. Image sources here and here.

What are treasures in heaven?

Well, what does Jesus say about them? He says unlike "treasures on earth", which can be destroyed by moths/rust/thieves, treasures in heaven are guaranteed safe. He doesn't say anything else to help us figure out what a "treasure in heaven" is.

There are 2 possibilities here. Either the "treasures in heaven" are things you get in heaven, after you die, or they're things you get on earth, in this life. (Because the "kingdom of heaven" exists on earth too.) I assume they are obtained by doing good things and being obedient to God.

If it's in heaven, well, why do we need that? I imagine this to play out like so: You die and go to heaven, and then God says "Remember when you helped old ladies cross the street? Well here is an extra reward." But I don't understand. You're already in heaven- which I was always (implicitly?) taught was perfect and you get whatever you want. What good is an "extra reward" at that point?

It's like when you're ordering pizza and the waitress asks "do you want extra cheese?" and you say "does it need it?" If she says yes, it means the pizza's not very good by itself. If she says no, then you're not going to spend the money on the extra cheese. (A clever waitress would answer "it depends what you like.") So, treasures in heaven: Does it need it?

Heaven is like a pizza. Image source.

Or maybe my understanding of heaven is totally wrong. You know, I should really put some work into researching what the bible says about heaven.

The other possibility is that "treasures in heaven" are actually good things that happen to you while on earth. Because in general, good things happen to good people. If you're a nice person, other people will be nice to you too. In general.

Totally true in general. But Jesus says to store treasures in heaven because of the certainty- they cannot be ruined or stolen like regular stuff. So which is more certain: good things will happen to you if you're a good person, or the money you stored under your mattress is safe? Neither is guaranteed. And it really seems to me that Jesus is emphasizing the importance of treasures in heaven precisely because they are guaranteed. So I'm not sure what it would mean if "treasures in heaven" are rewards we receive on earth.

BUT maybe I'm taking it too literally (story of my life), and Jesus is just saying that we should value what's really important in life- and it's not stuff, it's things that will last. Friendship, love, family, devotion to God. Because "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I've heard it said that the way you spend your time and money reveals a lot about what's important to you.

So ask yourself, if somebody was looking at the ways you spend time/money/etc, what would they conclude about your priorities?

"The eye is the lamp of the body."

The first time I read "if your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light" I was sort of baffled and thought it would only make sense if the inside of your body is hollow and full of mirrors.

Okay, but now I understand it as Jesus talking about the influences we have in our lives. Good influences are healthy for you. Bad influences are not. So in my case, I've realized lately that I need to pray more. Because it's totally a good influence on my life. I used to pray a lot more than I do now, and back then it felt like God was so close and important and it was easier to trust him and not worry about stuff. As for an example of a "bad influence"- I have spent time in sections of the internet full of complaining and negativity, which is NOT good for me- it just makes me angry for no real reason. So, gotta avoid that.

There are good things and bad things to watch/read/listen to. Things that will build you up, and things that are just stupid. "Garbage in, garbage out." And just like you can determine a person's priorities by evaluating the ways they spend money/time/etc, you can guess at a person's attitude/character based on the things they put in their mind.

"No one can serve two masters."

This (along with hundreds of other bible verses) is my favorite bible verse. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." And you can really fill in the blank with anything: "You cannot serve both God and ____."

So to summarize Jesus' message in this passage: Give some thought to how you use your resources- time, money, etc- and the stimuli you put in your mind, because it gives an indication about what you treasure, whether you have a healthy outlook on things, and who you serve.

Interestingly enough, Jesus doesn't give any specific commands here. Because it's going to look different for everyone, and once you start making rules about "it's wrong to spend more time on homework than you spend praying" then you've completely missed the point.

Any external measures are meaningless in themselves- they only matter to the extent that they reveal something about one's attitude and character. And yes, they DO reveal it, as Jesus says here. But not in a one-size-fits-all way.

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous post: Pray with me (Matthew 6:9-13)

Next post:  Things we learn from birds (Matthew 6:25-34)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

Love and Sin and Questions

This thought-provoking post, Westboro Baptist teaches that Jesus failed, has me asking all sorts of questions. Go read it.

The writer of the post, Fred Clark, points out the similarities between Westboro Baptist Church (the ones who are always yelling "God hates fags") and mainstream evangelical Christianity. Both stress "the idea that people are sinners, and that therefore the most loving thing we can do for them is to tell them the truth about their being sinners." Clark discusses what love is, as presented in the bible, and concludes that Westboro Baptist's obsession with sin means they don't believe in Jesus' power over it.

My questions:

First, let's talk about the difference between Westboro Baptist Church and evangelical Christianity.

Because there's a huge difference. And nobody likes to be compared to Westboro Baptist. Seriously.

I believe the biggest difference is how they view God's love. Westboro Baptist teaches that "God hates fags", but evangelical Christianity teaches "hate the sin, love the sinner" and is generally horrified at the idea that people are wandering around shouting "God hates you". No, God loves people- and Jesus was all about that. But we still need to warn them about their sin.

(BUT I have a lot of concerns about how this message of love is being communicated. I have no doubt that the evangelical Christians I know really do love others... but the church needs to do more to fight the anti-gay stereotype. And I no longer believe in "hate the sin and love the sinner.")

So, what's up with this idea that "the most loving thing you can do is tell people about their sin"? Is that valid?

The way I always understood it, people need to repent from their sin and follow Jesus, and Christians should do what they can to help people get to this point.

And if you go yell at people that God hates them, that's not helpful at all. If you confront people about their sin, well, maybe it's true that they are sinners, but that's still not helpful. If you're talking about an abstract idea of sin, and how "everyone is a sinner" that's fine, but to point to a specific, very personal thing in someone's life and say "This is a sin!" ... well... put some serious thought into whether or not that's a good idea.

Most of all, you have to be a friend and treat people with love. And hopefully you'll never even have to confront them about supposed "sin" in their personal lives- if it really is harmful, then God can tell them himself.

I also believe in being humble and knowing that I don't have all the answers. It's not my place to tell someone "that's a sin!" if I don't understand the situation. I'm certain that doing good and helping people is a good thing. Calling someone out on their sin... well, what if I'm wrong?

Under what circumstances should you call someone out on their "sin"? I think if you can see harmful effects, and you're close enough to them that they'll probably listen to you, then you should bring it up. Readers, what do you think?

Also, there are several different definitions of "love" floating around here...

Westboro Baptist Church claims that they are loving people by yelling at them about their sin.

Some Christians are suspicious about "love" which is warm and fuzzy and doesn't really mean anything. As if love is the opposite of truth.

But Jesus showed love by sacrificing himself. That wasn't easy, it wasn't "warm and fuzzy" and it wasn't about being offensive and accusing people of sin.

And that's how Christians should love people. The way that Jesus did. By sacrificing, by giving and caring, even when it's hard and people don't "deserve" it.

And I really don't think that means being "easy on sin". Instead, it means focusing on different sins. Instead of being so concerned over who's having sex with whom, we should fight against systems which oppress the poor. Etc.

If people need to be warned about their sin, does that mean Jesus failed to conquer it?

Clark claims that the logical conclusion of this line of thinking- that in order to be loving, we need to confront people about sin- is that Jesus' death did not defeat sin. Jesus failed.

I definitely can't agree with this. Yes, Jesus has power over sin and death (can I get an amen?). But sin is still active in the world, and it affects people's lives. We can't just pretend it doesn't matter.

Because of Jesus, my sin does not have the power to control me. Jesus gives freedom. So Christians don't have to be afraid of sin. BUT we still have to be aware that it exists and that sometimes we ARE controlled by our sin, and we need Jesus to save us. I mean, don't be paranoid about it, but don't be naive.

Discussion questions:

What is the connection between loving people and warning people about sin? Under what circumstances should I confront someone about (what I perceive to be) their sin? Does it depend on what sin/ who they are/ etc? What is the purpose of "warning" someone about their sin anyway- to save them from hell, or to stop them from doing something that harms themselves/others?

Blogaround

1. Dogs teaching chemistry This is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. You NEED to watch this video.

2. Electronic tracking: new constraint for Saudi women (posted November 22)

3. How Privilege Sees Thanksgiving (posted November 23) "There was no point in getting up and saying, 'Isn't it awesome how every single person in our entire country celebrates this holiday in exactly the same way and eats delicious food and feel loved and grateful and spends a perfectly loving and civil time with their family?'"

4. Cancer Survivor or Victim of Overdiagnosis? (posted November 21) "In short, tell everyone they have cancer, and survival will skyrocket."

5. 'Gangnam Style' YouTube Views: Psy's Viral Hit Beats Bieber To Become Most-Viewed YouTube Video Ever (posted November 24)

Fair Trade Shouldn't Be Adorable

Several years ago, I wandered around a fair trade shop and had a good time looking at everything. All kinds of decorations, carvings made in Africa, jewelery, wooden figures, all very beautiful and from all over the world.

Image source.

But I concluded it wasn't for me. I didn't really want to buy pretty little trinkets. I was a college student, living in an 8 ft x 10 ft dorm room. The absolute LAST thing I needed was some decorative wooden animal, no matter how cute and well-made it was.

Is this what fair trade is about? Buying silly things I would never in a million years spend money on? Where the only selling point is "this is fair trade, made by women in Uganda"?

So I should buy these items not because I actually want them, but because I pity the people who made them?

That's not right.

I guess some people are looking for decorations for their coffee table, and they really like the style of some African carvings, and that's great. They can buy the fair trade wooden giraffe and feel great about it. But I am not those people.

And for me to buy something I don't want or need, just because I like the idea of fair trade- that's condescending. That's saying, "awww poor women in Africa made this? That's ADORABLE!" Like they're a little kid with an overpriced lemonade stand and terrible business model, and you buy it just to make the kid feel good.

If my obligation to buy little knickknacks I don't want is supplying someone the income to provide for their BASIC NEEDS, something is wrong. We are not equals.

Ideally, the things we buy fair trade should be things we were going to buy anyway. Or things we genuinely like. I was very happy to see From Two To One's recent blog post, A Year of Buying Nothing New: What About Black Friday?, where she profiles several companies with ethical business practices. Most of the ones in that particular post are clothing companies with quality, fashionable clothing that, you know, you might actually want to buy.

This is great and I hope that's the future of fair trade- where it can compete with the "regular" products in terms of quality, price, and availability. Where it's just a normal part of everyday life, instead of something extra you do because you're trying to be a good person. But what about when it isn't?

Is it wrong that "fair trade" is a factor which influences me to buy something? No, that's not wrong- but it shouldn't be the ONLY reason.

And what if the world is an imperfect system, and those of us with extra money SHOULD buy those silly things we don't need, in order to help others? Even though it blatantly shows that we're not equals, and I just buy your products out of pity... what if that's better than not doing anything at all? Yes, something IS wrong, but I'm making the best of it, under the circumstances.

There's so much I don't know about the world and the economy, and I'd like to learn and I'd like to take action and fight injustice, even though no solution is perfect. Even though I have unanswered questions about fair trade, I think it's a good thing. But it's not the magic solution that's going to save the world.

And above all, I hope it's about dignity, not pity.

Top 6 Nerds of the Bible

I learned in Sunday School that Jesus picked average guys to be disciples. You didn't have to be smart. It made me wonder if there's no place for nerds (like me) in God's kingdom.

But no! I present to you, the top 6 nerds of the bible:

6. Joseph 

As a slave in Potiphar's house, he was so hard-working and trustworthy that Potiphar put him in charge of everything (Genesis 39). Then he got put in prison, but was apparently really good and got put in charge of the other prisoners. Finally, the king of Egypt heard about Joseph's ability to interpret dreams, and put him in charge of the whole country, because hey, we need someone to prepare us for the famine predicted by that dream (Genesis 41).

Maybe not "nerdy", but definitely organized and honest, with a good work ethic.

5. Solomon

When God offers to give him anything, Solomon chooses "wisdom" (1 Kings 3). They don't get much more nerdy than that. He wrote a ton of proverbs, to teach people wisdom (which is more about making good decisions than being knowledgeable- he's still a nerd though) and then he had a huge existential crisis, wondering what the point of life was. I mean, you just do stuff, and then you die.

"'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.'" (Ecclesiastes 1:2) This is what happens when you think too much, kids.

4. Author of Psalm 119

"I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word. Psalm 119:16" Image source.

"God, your law is like, SO AWESOME! I just want to read it ALL THE TIME!" This guy is freaking obsessed. Psalm 119 is the longest chapter in the bible (176 verses), and he just goes on and on about it. Here are some highlights; check out the nerdiness:

Ps 119:20 "My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times."

Ps 119:46-47 "I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame, for I delight in your commands because I love them."

Ps 119:62 "At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws."

Ps 119:93 "I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life."

Ps 119:97 "Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long."

Ps 119:99-100 "I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts."

Ps 119:136 "Streams of tears flow from my eyes, for your law is not obeyed."

"How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey. Psalm 119:103" Image source.

Seriously. And I thought I was a bible nerd.

3. Daniel

Daniel (plus Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego- they are TOTALLY nerds too!) were chosen to serve the king of Babylon (well, they were kind of forced into it, but that's another story). Daniel 1:4 says the king sent someone to find "young men without any physical defect, handsome, showing aptitude for every kind of learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to serve in the king's palace. He was to teach them the language and literature of the Babylonians." Yes, foreign language study. Among other things.

And God made Daniel and those other 3 guys THE BEST at this. Yep. God made them supernerds! 10 times smarter than everyone else, according to Daniel 1:20.

Later (in Daniel 6) Daniel got an excellent government job and was so awesome at it that his coworkers got jealous and had him thrown in the lions' den.

Lions. Because Daniel is good at everything. Image source.

Yep, that whole incident with the lions was because Daniel was SO FREAKING SMART AND GOOD AT HIS JOB.

2. Paul

Hard to compete with Paul's nerdiness and enthusiasm. He started out killing Christians, then saw the light (literally) and reversed everything he was doing. Instead of putting all his energy into thwarting the church, he put it all into spreading the gospel. And he had an excellent mind, and put it all to work hashing out the doctrine for the new church.

In Acts 9:22, he's "proving that Jesus is the Christ." In Acts 17, he's starting up debates and discussions everywhere, especially in Athens, which is where they all used to hang out and discuss philosophy.

Like this. Image source.

And if you've read any of Paul's letters in the New Testament... You do NOT use 30 commas and semicolons in one sentence and then claim you're not a nerd.

1. Jesus

Oh dude. Jesus is the biggest nerd ever and I wanna be like him! In Luke 12:46-47, he's 12 years old, "sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers." Many years later, in John 7:15, people are asking, "How did this man get such learning without having studied?"

Oh also, you know, since he's God, he created the universe. What a freaking nerd! Everyone thought Newton was a nerd for thinking through gravity and physics and coming up with laws of motion- well Jesus was WAY ahead of him.

"Just wait til they find out the mass actually bends the fabric of space!" Image source.

Someone who's ridiculously fascinated with quantum physics is a nerd, right?

Someone who knows offhand all the different species of insects in Brazil is a nerd, right?

Someone who can build a functioning brain out of, say, nothing, is a nerd, right?

"You know what else would be really useful/hilarious? Reflexes." Image source.

Yep that's my God. The Lord of Nerdiness.

And there's absolutely no way I could pledge my loyalty to a non-nerdy god.

Pray with me

"This, then, is how you should pray:
'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'"
Matthew 6:9-13 (NIV 1984)

Instead of "babbling on", Jesus gives us a simple example of how to pray. It covers all the bases- praising God, God's will, our needs, forgiveness, temptation. (A footnote adds the phrase "for yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.")

And instead of "babbling on" and writing a line-by-line analysis of this, I will simply invite you to pray the Lord's Prayer every day for a week. I'll be praying too.

Image source.

Let's pray the prayer that Jesus taught his disciples to pray:

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous Post: Jesus' Guide to Getting Rewards for Your Good Deeds (Matthew 6:1-18)

Next post: What's the point of treasures in heaven? (Matthew 6:19-24)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

Blogaround

Image source.

1. Grow Jesus in your bathtub... (posted November 9) What.

2. "'I’ve heard that you’re bisexual. Is that true?' ... I remembered a time the previous fall, before I’d accepted my sexuality, when I’d confessed during a small group meeting that I was struggling with having feelings for other women. Perhaps someone from the group had told my prospective roommate about what I’d said." (posted November 13)

3. Pray About It (posted November 13) "I spent a lot of time this fall sitting in chairs, staring out the window, believing somewhere deep inside that if I stayed still long enough, God would speak the answer."

4. My One and Only Post on the Recent Hoopla Regarding #BiblicalWomanhood (posted November 3) Rachel Held Evans has been criticized for attacking a "straw woman". The writer of this post says that while complementarian pastors may not be explicitly teaching some completely wrong, sexist version of "biblical womanhood", those ideas are being perpetuated by the lay members of the church and need to be challenged.

5. Sisters, Speak (posted November 14) "Speak with the voice of the Hebrew midwives, who defied Pharaoh to save the helpless."

6. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but is that a direct quote of the Bible verse?"  I lolled.

7. Modesty and Alcoholism (posted November 14) The writer of this post challenges the commonly-used analogy which says women need to dress modestly because you wouldn't take an alcoholic to a bar.

8. It's Now or Never: Love Your Enemies (posted June 2011) "Today is the day God has appointed to love our enemies. Either we will do it in this life, or we will never do it."

9. Richard Mourdock and Biblical Values- He's Right (posted October 24) (trigger warning: rape) "If you read Judges from start to finish, the mistreatment of women, the devaluation of women, the break down in society (tribal kinship, etc...) grows until murder, kidnapping, and rape are deemed more justifiable than breaking an oath."

10. How to Read the Bible (posted November 16) "Is it basically about me or basically about Jesus?"

Jesus' Guide to Getting Rewards for Your Good Deeds

In Matthew 6:1-18, Jesus explains how to give, pray, and fast in a way that gets you the best reward.

He does what now?

Image source.

I'm serious. In each of the 3 sections of this passage, Jesus first says how NOT to do your good deeds: Don't do it to show off to everyone, because then that's the only reward you'll get. Instead, do it so only God can see, and God will reward you. He quite explicitly says this in verse 1.

His emphasis on the "reward" was very surprising to me. We'll talk about that in a minute, but first let's go through this passage one step at a time:

Giving

Don't announce it with trumpets. Umm, was this actually a thing? Given all the other hyperbole we've seen in the sermon on the mount, I'm going to assume people weren't literally blowing trumpets and proclaiming "HEY LOOK EVERYBODY, I'm giving money to this pathetic homeless person! I'm awesome!"

Jesus says instead, "do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Great, this is definitely not to be taken literally, so now we have to figure out what it means...

He's setting up a contrast between "hypocrites" who are just giving away money because they want attention, and people who give quietly. I would say the main difference is motive. More on that later.

Prayer

Similarly, Jesus tells us not to be like "hypocrites" who pray in public just to show off how holy they are. Instead, "go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen."

Does this mean that we should never pray in public, never pray with other people, never let people know that we're praying? Dude, Jesus prays in public sometimes. He's definitely not saying "don't ever let anyone hear you pray." Instead, he's saying that prayer must be more about you and God than about enhancing your reputation.

And I love the part about "do not keep on babbling." How many times have you listened to someone pray and it just feels like they're "babbling"? And how many times have you tried to come up with something fancy to say, when praying in front of other people? Totally not necessary. Just tell God what's up. And don't worry about censoring yourself either- whatever you wanna say, God can take it. The psalmists didn't censor themselves. If they felt like God had abandoned them, they straight-up asked him why.

Don't censor yourself. Don't worry about saying the right thing, or making a long fancy prayer. God knows how you feel and God knows what you need, so just be honest- with him and with yourself.

(I'm not going to analyze the Lord's Prayer right now because I like it and I want to dedicate a whole post to it next week. ^_^ )

Fasting

Same thing here. Jesus says don't be like the "hypocrites" who "disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting." That kind of makes me laugh.

Pictured: Disfiguring one's face to show off fasting. Image source.

Instead, he says this: "But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen."

Not obvious to people, but obvious to God. Obvious to God. This verse means a lot to me because of the many times I've made the right choice, done the right thing, but no one seemed to notice, and I wonder if it even mattered- did God even notice?

"... so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father..." It's not just that God has access to the information about you fasting, if he chooses to pay attention. No, it's OBVIOUS to him. There is no possible way for him to miss it.

When you dedicate yourself to God, when you try your best to obey him, but it doesn't seem like anything is happening or anyone noticed, don't be discouraged. God noticed. In fact, it's OBVIOUS to him.

So what is up with the "reward"?

For each of these topics- giving, praying, fasting- Jesus sets up a contrast between people who do their good deeds in front of other people, and those who do it secretly so only God sees. He says the first group receives their reward in the form of admiration from others, and the second group gets a reward from God (which we can assume is BETTER than just getting attention from people).

What's the reward? Is it something we get in heaven, or right away, or over the long-term...? Is it something cheesy like "the satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing"?

So let's speculate. Maybe the "reward" is tangible good things that will happen to you- God will help you get a job, help you not get sick, etc. Maybe the "reward" is that other people will treat you well because they see you're an honest person who really wants to do good and help people, and isn't a jerk about it. Maybe the "reward" is that it builds character. Maybe the "reward" is something you don't get until you die and go to heaven.

Anyone else have ideas? Jesus doesn't tell us what the reward is, so I'm wildly speculating. Join me.

Image source.

But how can we be motivated by a reward? Isn't that selfish?

Not necessarily. Every single thing you do, you do because at some level you want to do it and think it will have a beneficial outcome. Suppose you donate money anonymously. You do it because you want to be a generous person, and you want to help the person on the receiving end. Suppose you procrastinate and waste time on Facebook when you should be doing homework. You do it because in the short term, that's far more fun and interesting than actually doing work.

I'm highly skeptical of any philosophy that says we should do good just because we should do good, and tries to deny any personal benefits- or says that it's somehow evil/deceptive/dishonest to acknowledge that doing the right thing can come with rewards. If you tell me "you shouldn't do it because you want a reward, you should do it just because it's the right thing", I will ask you how you define "the right thing"- and your definition is probably going to hinge on some beneficial outcome. How is that not a reward? I do something because it will have good effects in the world, and I LIKE IT when there are good effects in the world. Technically even that is a "reward."

But at the same time, isn't it a little weird how Jesus mentions the "reward" over and over in this passage, as if that's the ONLY motivator for doing good deeds?

I've also recently heard the idea that in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is criticizing the Pharisees and their emphasis on laws and external behaviors. Perhaps he's mocking how they seem to be doing everything for a reward, and telling how to get a real reward.

So, can we or can we not let other people see us doing good?

Yes, totally, you can. Jesus is not giving us restrictive new rules; he is addressing the motives behind our actions. Be the kind of person who is motivated by what God thinks of you. Be the kind of person who doesn't complain when no one seems to notice your efforts towards doing good.

If you take this to the extreme and go to great lengths to NEVER let anyone see know that you are praying, giving, or fasting, then you're controlled by other people's opinions just as much as if you were doing it to show off.

And yes, Jesus prayed in public, but I bet he spent far more time praying alone.

Also, maybe I'm crazy, but I think there's something kind of special about doing good deeds in secret, so no one will ever know about it except God. On some level, I think there's some appeal to keeping good secrets like that.

So when you give, be confident that God sees it. When you pray, be confident that God hears and knows what you need. When you fast, be confident that it's obvious to God. And that's far more valuable than any compliments or admiration you'll get from people.

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous post: Okay, "turn the other cheek" makes no sense (Matthew 5:31-48)

Next post: Pray with me (Matthew 6:9-13)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

Are we allowed to question abstinence?

I always knew I wasn't supposed to have sex if I'm not married. But what if that's actually not true?

I'm a girl who's been a Christian my entire life, and I've never had a purity ring. How is this possible? Image source.

Well, that's frickin' terrifying. Because if we don't have a rigid, black-and-white rule about it, then that means we have to decide on a case-by-case basis, applying principles like love, honesty, loyalty, etc, and trying to determine how they play out in each individual situation.

And if I get it wrong, then I'm ruining my life. Or so I've been told.

This question is discussed in a recent blog post, "Progressive" Christianity and Premarital Sex. The writer, Sarah Moon, grew up in "Christian purity culture" and learned a lot of BAD reasons to not have sex- it will ruin your life forever! boys will have no reason to respect you! the most valuable gift you can give your husband is your virginity!- bad reasons based in fear and shame. She left that way of thinking behind and found other arguments in support of abstinence- the importance of building friendship in a dating relationship, choosing self-control over lust, having physical boundaries to show that you value your body.

But ultimately, she says those reasons did not satisfy her either. She concludes that abstinence is a "good choice" but "not necessarily THE good choice." She says you can't make some kind of universal rule for all Christians, because this is a complex personal choice.

And my first thought, before I can even begin to consider the merits of her way of thinking, is "Are we even ALLOWED to ask these questions?"

Because so many times I've been warned about how much it would ruin my life to have sex. Surely it's dangerous to even THINK that it might be okay. We mustn't let our guard down for even a MINUTE, because temptation is so powerful and the consequences are so disastrous.

Umm.

I don't buy that.

Readers of this blog should know that I believe QUESTIONING EVERYTHING is very important. If something is TRUE, then it can stand up to any questions you throw at it. I've questioned whether God is sexist, why the plagues of Egypt were so horrible, whether the idea of "modesty" makes any sense at all, etc etc, and that's what I'll continue to do. Because I am a Christian and I believe the bible, and I'm very confident in that.

And the idea that sex/dating is the one area where everything is so powerful and dangerous that we mustn't let anyone attempt to make their own decisions... I don't buy that.

For what it's worth, I don't agree with Sarah's conclusion. I think the bible's commands against "sexual immorality" include premarital sex- Sarah actually brings this up, and asks for an explicit definition of "sexual immorality", which no one is able to provide. This is TOTALLY the right question to ask, and I don't have a real answer- I just believe that because it seems to be how those commands are typically understood.

Also, I don't agree that it's solely a personal choice. My body does not belong to me; it belongs to God. (This is not a very feminist idea.) So these decisions CANNOT be based solely on what I determine is best for my situation- I also need to consider what God would and would not allow me to do with my body.

All of these ideas are definitely worth exploring more. The reason I explain my own point of view is not to say "Sarah is wrong and needs to stop saying that stuff". No. I would totally love to have more discussion about this, rather than being afraid of hard questions, or afraid I'm ruining my life if I misunderstand.

God gives us freedom. He doesn't want us to live in fear. So let's follow God and ask those questions.