Modesty as she is taught

I especially want Christian men to read this, because every time I've tried to discuss "modesty" and all my confusion about it, the guys' response is along the lines of "what are you talking about?" I think Christian men don't know what Christian women are being taught about modesty, and if they did, they would think it was totally ridiculous. So here we go.

1. Men are visual.

What this apparently means is men tend to picture women naked. (Apparently gay men don't exist in this paradigm?) They can't help it. "That's how they're wired." (The first time I heard that, I thought it was a cool metaphor, because I'm an electrical engineer. By the thousandth time, I'd realized it's a way to say "this is just the way it is" without giving a real reason.) They see your bra strap sticking out and immediately a fantasy image of you being naked flashes (heh) in front of their eyes.

Is this true? To what extent does it go? Okay, I am not a straight guy. (If I see a bra, I don't think anything of it. That's a totally normal thing in my life- not sexual at all. But apparently my interpretation is wrong- I should be thinking of it the way a pervert does, duh.) I have ABSOLUTELY no way to directly observe whether this is true or not. Only straight guys can understand exactly how this bizarre phenomenon works. Also, I'm sure there is variation among the straight guys.

Oh, and also. If you are picturing me naked, I think that's creepy. I'm not okay with that.

But of course I can't attempt to understand this by actually having a conversation with a guy about it (well, I'd really need to talk to a bunch of guys to get a feel for how it works on average...) because that's super-awkward. No way I'm gonna have some guy tell me how this works in enough detail that I actually understand.

(The best I can do is read the comments on reddit... nope.)

So, we're starting out with a "problem" that I can never actually understand, and I'm responsible for helping the guys deal with this problem. Oh and I can't actually talk to them about it. Got it.

In other words, because guys think about sex all the time, I am assigned the chore of preemptively thinking about sex (haha just kidding, women don't want sex!) guessing what they are thinking about sex, in order to help them.

WAIT WAIT LET ME EDIT THAT. I am assigned the chore of preemptively guessing the creepy, perverted ways that boys might be objectifying and disrespecting me and my body. So I can attempt to prevent that.

And I would like to reiterate: I AM NOT A STRAIGHT GUY. Actually, all of the women who are taught this are, you know, by definition, not straight guys.

What could go wrong?

2. Women's bodies have power over men.

Yes, that's right. Men can't think straight (haha, straight) when they're picturing you naked. And lust is evil- we must do what we can to help keep our brothers from committing this terrible sin. Girls, you have the responsibility to save them from themselves!

Oh, and when they teach modesty, they always throw in the caveat that no, you are not responsible for a guy's thoughts. If he sins, that's his own fault. But you make it more difficult for him if you are "immodest." Shouldn't we help our brothers out as much as we can?

So much power. Boys apparently follow a girl around and give her attention if she's dressed "immodestly." I have actually never observed this phenomenon- is it real? Maybe that's because I'm generally oblivious to the people around me. Or maybe I don't have the right body-type for it to have all that "power"?

But anyway, the Christian women's groups told me my body had the potential to exert evil power over boys, and oh man, that sounds awesome. Yeah perfectnumber, you could be out there with this whole harem of guys, leading them on, they'd follow you around and want you (in a totally non-creepy way- this is my fantasy, I make the rules). I want boys to want me, I want them to serve me... that's my own personal temptation. That's not a good thing.

So you say I have this power, which I have never seen evidence of before, and which I would love to use for evil and manipulation if it did exist... Yep, this whole modesty thing seems pretty legit so far. -_-

3. And therefore, women must be careful about what they wear.

And maybe how they walk, and talk, etc. You can never be too careful. (Barf.)

Women, you know you have the freedom in Christ to wear what you want, and it's a guy's own fault if he lusts. But hey, Romans 14, don't use your freedom to cause your brother to stumble. Is it really worth it to wear that cute/sexy/whatever shirt, if it causes a brother to stumble?

So... in a practical sense, what do you want me to do?

Should I wear this

Image source.

or this

Image source.

I mean, the dress is cuter and I'd prefer that (heh, who am I kidding, I actually don't have a cute dress like that, but this is a thought experiment)... but... well, is it too low-cut in the front? And I can't guarantee that my bra straps will NEVER show. (Because PHYSICS. Not because I'm trying to "tempt" anyone.) Also, do you think it's too short? Are guys interested in my legs? Maybe? Who knows? Did I mention I'm not a straight guy? This might possibly "cause" someone to lust, I guess?

Perfectnumber, which do you care about more- doing the right thing or looking cute?

But...

Perfectnumber, didn't you commit your life 100% to Jesus? No matter what the cost, you obey him?

...Yes.

And he wants you to put others above yourself...

Okay, the dress is out.

How about that white t-shirt? Oh, actually, I don't know if that's okay either. Look how it doesn't come down far enough- you can see a tiny sliver of skin right at her waist. And you follow Jesus regardless of the cost, right? Right. Okay, you need to wear something under it. Cover up that skin.

And every time I have a tiny bit of uncertainty, I remember that I am ABSOLUTELY loyal to Jesus. If it comes at the cost of being cute, then that's my cross to bear.

But what if I'm doing all of this for nothing? What if it didn't actually matter to guys which one I wear? There's no way to get any feedback in this game.

And on the other hand, isn't it true that the more cute and beautiful and feminine I look, the more likely that a boy is going to lust? Why not going all the way to the extreme and wear an XXXL t-shirt, so my body won't look like a girl at all?

Why not go all the way to the extreme?

Why not go all the way to the extreme?

Why not go all the way to the extreme? There's a positive correlation between beauty and lust, right? Why not go all the way to the extreme?

Because me wanting to look awesome and beautiful pushes in one direction, and my concern for some mysterious problem that boys supposedly have pushes me in the other. It's godly to give up my rights in order to help other people, but is there anything godly about looking beautiful? Is it all just my selfishness that makes me not want to look like a tent?

They say God made beauty. Well he obviously did it wrong- we need to cover it all up before its evil power enslaves all the men.

 It's my cross to bear.  Image source.

Stay tuned for my answer to all this confusion, coming up in Friday's blog post.

edit: Here it is. Modesty: My Solution