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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

After the Healing

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"While he was saying this, a synagogue leader came and knelt before him and said, 'My daughter has just died. But come and put your hand on her, and she will live.'" Matthew 9:18

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Well, it's been almost 10 years.

At the beginning, it was really great. You know, Jesus had healed me. My parents say I had actually died- but I don't remember it. I just remember feeling so weak and sick, and then suddenly being woken up and Jesus was there and I didn't feel sick anymore. Seriously, that feeling is the greatest thing I have every experienced.

The whole town was excited. I had tons of relatives (and random people I didn't know) visiting me, saying how happy they were/ how amazing it was that I was alive. Many of them talked about how they had prayed for me, and their prayers were answered.

So that was my five minutes of fame. But, life goes on. Jesus isn't here anymore. My dad got really sick and people were praying for him, but in the end he died. I remember how he talked about faith- how when I was sick, he went to find Jesus and he had faith that Jesus could heal me. Later, Dad told us about how Jesus himself had died and come back to life, and now he would be with us always.

But why didn't he heal my dad? I know Jesus used to always talk about "faith" when he healed people- well Dad had faith.

I don't understand.

Is God with us, or not?

And there's no one I can talk to about this. My closest friends and family actually saw me die- any time I bring up my doubts, they remind me that I owe my life to Jesus, so how can I question him?

I am grateful. And sometimes I feel bad about asking why Jesus doesn't do more. But man, my dad said Jesus promised to always be with us. And he promised that faith can move mountains. Am I allowed to wonder why I don't see that happening?

Jesus did this one thing for me almost 10 years ago. But life goes on, and I have other problems now. Apparently I'm supposed to have some kind of lifelong devotion to Jesus, but ... I don't think he's relevant to my life anymore.

He's a good man, really. I remember when I met him, his eyes, his voice- I really believe he really cared about me and understood me.

But that was 10 years ago.

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