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| Noah's ark craft with paper cutouts of animals. Image source. |
Part of the Taking My Kid To Church blog series
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Okay so what do I do if I take little Square Root to visit some church, and I put him in Sunday School, and he comes back with some adorable little Noah's ark he made?
I mean, ewwwww that's horrifying. "Noah's ark" is a story about a monstrous god who believes that everyone in the entire world is so evil they all deserve to die- except 8 people. This god proceeds to ACTUALLY DO IT- to commit genocide on a horrifying, worldwide scale, drowning all the people and animals except the ones on the ark. And we're supposed to believe this god is the good guy of the story. We're supposed to believe that yes, it's true, all those people actually were so evil that they deserved to die. Entire societies, entire cultures, where every single member of society- men, women, and children- deserves the death penalty. Yeah, we don't know any of them, but I'm sure the person who KILLED THEM ALL is an unbiased source who can totally be trusted to tell us what those "evil" people were like. Sure.
That's TERRIBLE.
But "Noah's ark" is a staple of children's bible books and Sunday School lessons. Because it's so cute! Look, 2 of each animal! On a boat! And there's a dove! And a rainbow! Awwwwww adorable!
I've said this many times before: The criteria for picking bible stories to teach to children is NOT "which stories are the best ones for communicating what we believe and what the bible is about?" Nope. And the criteria is NOT "which stories are appropriate for children- without violence and sex?" Nope. Nothing like that at all. Here is the unifying thread that runs through all the stories you find in children's bibles: "which stories have cool imagery?"
That's it. That's the whole thing. Talking donkey? Yep put that in a Sunday School lesson. Coat of many colors? Ooh that's cool, let's make a coloring page for the kids. Swallowed by a whale? Nice! 3 men walking around in a furnace? Sweet!
All the Old Testament prophets who warned people to turn from their sin? Uh, boring! Paul's letters? Eh not much to see here. Sermon on the Mount? Let's skip the Beatitudes but I think we can salvage something from the "look at the lilies of the field, not even Solomon was dressed like them" bit.
But anyway let's get back on topic. What do I do if Square Root brings home a cute little ark that he colored himself? (Or anything related to an Old Testament account of violence and genocide- the plagues of Egypt, Joshua and Jericho, David and Goliath, etc.)
Well, I think that's horrifying. But Square Root doesn't know any of this background. And it wouldn't be fair to him if I was suddenly all negative about the fun he had in Sunday School class. He'd feel like he had done something wrong by participating and having a good time- but in reality it's not his fault, how could he have known? Should he just sit alone and side-eye the Sunday School teachers when everyone else is playing a game or making a craft, just in case Mommy later tells him that ACTUALLY that game/craft was BAD?
Here's the key, though: These biblical stories of genocide are only bad if people actually believe the entire story really happened. And maybe that's not an assumption that Square Root has. Maybe he is able to just enjoy the cute animals while not thinking too much about the rest of the story- and if we recognize that it's not a true story, then we can enjoy the good parts and ignore the bad parts, saying "you're reading too much into it" or "this is where the metaphor breaks down" or whatever. Just like one could make the case that the world of Harry Potter is horrifying because wizards are so behind technologically and their Hogwarts education leaves out A LOT of subjects... but people would tell you those things don't matter because that wasn't the point of the story.
Soooooooo... what then? He shows me his animals-two-by-two coloring page and I say "this is great, also good thing this isn't a true story because that would be terrible"? Uhhh.
I guess when he's really little, he's not thinking about whether it's a true story or not, so I shouldn't make any negative comments about it then. He can just enjoy the nice parts. And then when he gets old enough to have the "some people think this is a true story, wouldn't that be terrible though" conversation, then we do that.
Uh but what if the Sunday School teachers already told him it's a true story? Oh geez. Like should I just NEVER let him attend any Sunday School lesson that *might* present biblical genocide in a positive way? I mean... like on the one hand, yes, because that's HORRIFYING and should not be made into a cute little lesson for children, but on the other hand, no I don't want to isolate him from this stuff. It's part of our society, he needs to know how to handle it in a healthy way. Right?
Of course I am not going to regularly attend a church that teaches its children that biblical genocide was a good thing. Like, that's one of my NON-NEGOTIABLE criteria if I want to find a church. So maybe I'm being ridiculous even thinking about this hypothetical. Why would I put Square Root in that environment anyway? Why would I put myself in that environment? If we could just not, then let's just not.
Sooooooo... okay... So if, on occasion, my child encounters some Christian presenting the story of Noah's ark in a positive way, I won't worry too much about it. And when he's old enough, we can have the conversation about "good thing these stories didn't really happen, because look at all the genocide, that's awful!"
But... in the introduction post for this series I made a big deal about distinguishing between "religion" and "morality" and how I'm not going to try to make him believe certain religious beliefs... well "Noah's ark is not a true story" is a religious belief [according to how I defined "religion" in that post]. What I actually want to get at is "never trust anyone (even God) who tells you an entire demographic of people are all so evil they deserve to die." That's morality. That's something all decent people should agree on regardless of religion.
But isn't it easier to just say "this is not a true story" than to answer awkward questions about how God could really think that everyone in the world (except 8 people) deserves to die, and why nice church people are presenting that as a positive thing...?
Well that's all I got for now. I'm not sure how exactly to handle it, but I'm not worried. I don't think Square Root is at risk for internalizing this stuff the way I did. He'll be fine.
-------------------
Related:
If Thanos Tells You To Build An Ark, You Say No
Noah's Evangelism
Blaming the Biblical Victim (And More Horrifying Implications of Scripture)
I mean, ewwwww that's horrifying. "Noah's ark" is a story about a monstrous god who believes that everyone in the entire world is so evil they all deserve to die- except 8 people. This god proceeds to ACTUALLY DO IT- to commit genocide on a horrifying, worldwide scale, drowning all the people and animals except the ones on the ark. And we're supposed to believe this god is the good guy of the story. We're supposed to believe that yes, it's true, all those people actually were so evil that they deserved to die. Entire societies, entire cultures, where every single member of society- men, women, and children- deserves the death penalty. Yeah, we don't know any of them, but I'm sure the person who KILLED THEM ALL is an unbiased source who can totally be trusted to tell us what those "evil" people were like. Sure.
That's TERRIBLE.
But "Noah's ark" is a staple of children's bible books and Sunday School lessons. Because it's so cute! Look, 2 of each animal! On a boat! And there's a dove! And a rainbow! Awwwwww adorable!
I've said this many times before: The criteria for picking bible stories to teach to children is NOT "which stories are the best ones for communicating what we believe and what the bible is about?" Nope. And the criteria is NOT "which stories are appropriate for children- without violence and sex?" Nope. Nothing like that at all. Here is the unifying thread that runs through all the stories you find in children's bibles: "which stories have cool imagery?"
That's it. That's the whole thing. Talking donkey? Yep put that in a Sunday School lesson. Coat of many colors? Ooh that's cool, let's make a coloring page for the kids. Swallowed by a whale? Nice! 3 men walking around in a furnace? Sweet!
All the Old Testament prophets who warned people to turn from their sin? Uh, boring! Paul's letters? Eh not much to see here. Sermon on the Mount? Let's skip the Beatitudes but I think we can salvage something from the "look at the lilies of the field, not even Solomon was dressed like them" bit.
But anyway let's get back on topic. What do I do if Square Root brings home a cute little ark that he colored himself? (Or anything related to an Old Testament account of violence and genocide- the plagues of Egypt, Joshua and Jericho, David and Goliath, etc.)
Well, I think that's horrifying. But Square Root doesn't know any of this background. And it wouldn't be fair to him if I was suddenly all negative about the fun he had in Sunday School class. He'd feel like he had done something wrong by participating and having a good time- but in reality it's not his fault, how could he have known? Should he just sit alone and side-eye the Sunday School teachers when everyone else is playing a game or making a craft, just in case Mommy later tells him that ACTUALLY that game/craft was BAD?
Here's the key, though: These biblical stories of genocide are only bad if people actually believe the entire story really happened. And maybe that's not an assumption that Square Root has. Maybe he is able to just enjoy the cute animals while not thinking too much about the rest of the story- and if we recognize that it's not a true story, then we can enjoy the good parts and ignore the bad parts, saying "you're reading too much into it" or "this is where the metaphor breaks down" or whatever. Just like one could make the case that the world of Harry Potter is horrifying because wizards are so behind technologically and their Hogwarts education leaves out A LOT of subjects... but people would tell you those things don't matter because that wasn't the point of the story.
Soooooooo... what then? He shows me his animals-two-by-two coloring page and I say "this is great, also good thing this isn't a true story because that would be terrible"? Uhhh.
I guess when he's really little, he's not thinking about whether it's a true story or not, so I shouldn't make any negative comments about it then. He can just enjoy the nice parts. And then when he gets old enough to have the "some people think this is a true story, wouldn't that be terrible though" conversation, then we do that.
Uh but what if the Sunday School teachers already told him it's a true story? Oh geez. Like should I just NEVER let him attend any Sunday School lesson that *might* present biblical genocide in a positive way? I mean... like on the one hand, yes, because that's HORRIFYING and should not be made into a cute little lesson for children, but on the other hand, no I don't want to isolate him from this stuff. It's part of our society, he needs to know how to handle it in a healthy way. Right?
Of course I am not going to regularly attend a church that teaches its children that biblical genocide was a good thing. Like, that's one of my NON-NEGOTIABLE criteria if I want to find a church. So maybe I'm being ridiculous even thinking about this hypothetical. Why would I put Square Root in that environment anyway? Why would I put myself in that environment? If we could just not, then let's just not.
Sooooooo... okay... So if, on occasion, my child encounters some Christian presenting the story of Noah's ark in a positive way, I won't worry too much about it. And when he's old enough, we can have the conversation about "good thing these stories didn't really happen, because look at all the genocide, that's awful!"
But... in the introduction post for this series I made a big deal about distinguishing between "religion" and "morality" and how I'm not going to try to make him believe certain religious beliefs... well "Noah's ark is not a true story" is a religious belief [according to how I defined "religion" in that post]. What I actually want to get at is "never trust anyone (even God) who tells you an entire demographic of people are all so evil they deserve to die." That's morality. That's something all decent people should agree on regardless of religion.
But isn't it easier to just say "this is not a true story" than to answer awkward questions about how God could really think that everyone in the world (except 8 people) deserves to die, and why nice church people are presenting that as a positive thing...?
Well that's all I got for now. I'm not sure how exactly to handle it, but I'm not worried. I don't think Square Root is at risk for internalizing this stuff the way I did. He'll be fine.
-------------------
Related:
If Thanos Tells You To Build An Ark, You Say No
Noah's Evangelism
Blaming the Biblical Victim (And More Horrifying Implications of Scripture)
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