 |
| Image source. |
It's always an adventure living in China, but maybe I don't want it to always be an adventure.
At some point, I get sick of being crowded, sick of being limited by the language, sick of dealing with really bizarre situations that could only happen in China, sick of culture shock. And man, I just want a freakin' chicken salad sandwich.
I love being here, I really do. No chance I want to move back to America. But still, sometimes I feel stuck and I want to be free. I want release.
And my phobia too. I wish I didn't always have to be so cautious, looking around for the objects of my phobia. I wish I could just live life without any awareness of their existence, like I used to.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not free, but I want to be.
And I used to believe God would give me freedom, but now I'm not sure.
------------------
This post is written for Five Minute Friday. The prompt this week is "release."
How I admire you ... stepping out of your comfort zone. May you soar even in the midst of obstacles, friend ...
ReplyDeleteLiving in a new place, letting God lead the way and conquering your phobia - that is release! You are brave my friend! Visiting you from FMF!
ReplyDeleteFaith is moving forward even when you are not sure. Don't let the enemy get a hold of your unbelief. You are not alone. He has the courage you need. Thanks for sharing your fears here. Great post. #FMF
ReplyDeleteClicked over from FMF because the cute kitten said to!
ReplyDeleteFeelings sometimes get in the way of facts. God is faithful and will bring you through this season- just as you talked about with your phobia- He is there in the midst of your feelings, he has experienced it all- in the garden, Jesus prayed for the cup to pass, his sorrow was overwhelming as He prayed. Yet, He was able to be obedient to the Father as you have been obedient in going to China. He is with you now-fact. I will be praying for you and for release from these feelings, dear one.
Visiting from 5MF.
ReplyDeleteEven in the darkest moments of my life, God was with me. I know that He's with you and loving you through the dark. It's sometimes a struggle to hold onto faith.
Keep on praying and believe me when I say that God is present in your life in so many ways!
Having lived abroad in Africa for 2.5 years, I totally get it! Sometimes you just need a little bit of normal! But that usually doesn't happen when living abroad. It can be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausting. But on those days when I leaned into God and released a little to Him, things were a little easier. Praying for you today!
ReplyDeleteExactly! Sometimes I need a little bit of normal. :)
ReplyDelete