Wednesday, December 17, 2025

Ariana Grande is advancing the cultural mythology around Santa Claus

Ariana Grande. Image source.

"Santa Tell Me" is a 2014 song by Ariana Grande. The chorus goes like this:

Santa, tell me if you're really there

Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here

Next year

Santa, tell me if he really cares

'Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here

Next year

She is interested in a boy, but doesn't want to fall in love with him if the relationship isn't going to last. So she's asking Santa if she will still be with this guy in 1 year, and also if this guy really cares about her.

She's asking Santa? Since when do people ask Santa for dating advice??? Since when is Santa believed to have the ability to see the future? Since when does Santa read people's minds and feelings?

Like, okay, sure, according to the standard tropes about Santa, he has a "naughty list" and "nice list." I suppose Santa could look this guy up and see which list he's on, but I don't think Santa's naughty/nice binary categorization system is really going to give Ariana Grande the information she needs. Just because this guy is nice enough to deserve a Christmas present doesn't really tell you if he's boyfriend material. This song seems to be implying some kind of knowledge or ability on Santa's part that goes beyond "he's gonna find out who's naughty or nice."

Also, "don't make me fall in love again"- is she saying Santa has the power to manipulate her emotions to stop her from falling in love if the relationship isn't going to last? What? Since when is that something that Santa can do? Or, maybe we should just read this as, he should give her the information she is asking for, and then she will be able to keep *herself* from falling in love.

This song has bothered me for so long because these are just *not* things that Santa is typically regarded as being able to do. This is not the role that people expect Santa to play. He just judges who's "naughty or nice" and gives gifts. That's all. He doesn't give relationship advice, what on earth, who has ever asked Santa of all people for relationship advice? He doesn't predict the future, my goodness. (This seems like more the sort of thing that people would ask God. Not Santa.)

But actually, this is how the Santa mythology has always worked. Pop culture is always adding to it, through songs, movies, Coca-Cola ads, adding to the body of knowledge that people "know" about who Santa is. It changes and develops, and we should read "Santa Tell Me" as an attempt to develop the cultural ideas about Santa in this direction. If it catches on, then there will be more songs and movies made, which portray Santa as an all-knowing relationship-advice-giver, and people will think it's just self-evidently obvious that that's who Santa is, just like it's obvious that he lives at the North Pole and gives gifts to children and has "naughty" and "nice" lists.

Well, the song is from 2014 and this new interpretation of Santa doesn't seem to have caught on. But I will always be on the lookout for anyone else claiming that Santa knows the future and has insights about whether your boyfriend really cares about you.

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