So I Got the Epidural

A pregnant woman in a labor and delivery room, with her male partner and 2 nurses. Image source.

During my pregnancy, I read a lot about what happens during labor and childbirth. Hendrix and I went to labor and delivery classes. And I learned about getting an epidural, which sounded really super scary and unpleasant.

An epidural is a procedure where anesthesia is injected into the space around the spinal column in the lower back. This way, you don't feel pain in the entire lower half of your body, but you're still awake and present. It's extremely common that people have an epidural while they are in labor and giving birth.

And I really didn't want it. I don't like needles, I don't like medical procedures and drugs in general because I don't know how they'll affect my body, and I feel like I'm not in control. The uncertainty is really scary. Plus it's a huge needle. (Yes, they first give a local anesthetic so you don't feel the huge needle, but still. It's a huge needle.)

So during the prenatal appointments, I told the gynecologist (let's call him Dr. A) that I don't want an epidural, but we'll see how it goes and maybe I'll change my mind later. I felt like, if I don't need it, then I'd rather not have it. Just because everyone else gets one doesn't mean I should too.

I told him "I don't want the epidural, but I might change my mind" and asked at what point I would need to make the decision. Dr. A said there's always an anesthesiologist on duty, so I could totally decide whenever I want. No rush.

So anyway, fast forward to when I'm in labor and the contractions are coming 3 minutes apart, and I'm at home trying to eat lunch, and I have to keep stopping to just moan and scream and endure the pain every time a contraction comes. And I start thinking to myself, all right let's go get that epidural.

We got to the hospital and went to the labor and delivery room, and I still told them I don't want an epidural, not yet anyway, haven't decided yet. But wow. Every contraction just hurt so bad.

I felt like, wow, I'm already tired of this whole thing, and I'm not even close to being done. If I keep going on like this, in so much pain, for hours, I won't be able to focus when it comes time to push the baby out.

So I decided, well I'll just talk to the anesthesiologist and tell them my concerns about the epidural, and then make a decision.

So the anesthesiologist came (let's call him Dr. B) and he was very nice. I told him I haven't decided yet if I want the epidural, because it's a big needle, and I don't like needles, and what if it doesn't work, and all that. And he did a great job answering my questions.

I told him on the 1 to 10 pain scale, I'm already at a 10. He said after the epidural it would go down to a 1.

So yeah I decided to do it.

The process of setting it up and putting the needle and flexible tube in was scary. I didn't like it. Weird sensations, feeling pressure from the fluid going into my back, feeling really shaky, feeling all numb in my legs... But then the next contraction came and I didn't even notice it at all. There was no more pain. And after maybe 15 minutes or so all the weird sensations stopped and I felt fine- just really numb in my legs.

And after that, I just had to lay there and the contractions didn't bother me, and everything went well. Getting the epidural was definitely a good decision.

I felt a little weird about it, just because I had told Dr. A several times at the prenatal appointments that I didn't want the epidural. What if people laughed at me, what if people thought I was silly for saying so strongly that I didn't want it and then changing my mind later? What if it was like "see, you don't know what's best for yourself, you should have just gone along with what other people said you're supposed to do, you're not able to make your own decisions"?

But no. No, I still think I was right to initially say I didn't want the epidural. It was a GOOD decision to wait til I was actually in labor so I could understand how bad the pain was and weigh that against the unpleasantness of needles and medical procedures.

And I'm really happy with how the hospital handled it- not pressuring me, answering all my questions, reassuring me that it was my decision. (This is an expensive international hospital in Shanghai, by the way.)

I don't want my reason for getting an epidural to be "over 90% of people at this hospital do, so this is what you are supposed to do." I want it to be something I actually decide for myself. And having never been in labor before this, I didn't have enough information to make that decision. In order to make sure it would really be my decision instead of something I just got pushed into, I had to clearly tell the doctor that my preference was to NOT do it. Otherwise, people might just assume I'd be getting one, just because everyone else does.

Getting an epidural during labor was the right decision for me. But nobody could have known that beforehand. I was right to initially say I didn't want it but leave open the possibility of changing my mind later.

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Related:

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Doctors (part 3 of Autism & Teaching Kids to Protect Themselves)