LOLLLLL yep should have known right then I was asexual

A bunch of people in a swimming pool. Image source.

Sometimes I look back on things I did/said/thought before I knew about asexuality, and I'm like "wow that was clearly an asexual thing to do."

Here's one example:

Back when I was in college, I was in a Christian group, and we used to go spend a week at a camp together once a year. We had a tradition where we'd all go swimming one night at the camp.

One year, my friends Diana and Derek, who were dating, told me they weren't going swimming. "Why?" I asked.

"For sexual purity," they said. They felt it would be bad for their "purity" if they saw each other wearing swimsuits.

And I thought, "well, that's ridiculous. Just because people think there's a possibility of lusting when you see your boyfriend or girlfriend in a swimsuit, you're going to miss out on this fun activity. They are being way too careful about things. What a bunch of nonsense."

Geez, just because swimsuits seem like the kind of thing that someone might think is a sexual thing, they're going to avoid them. COME ON. We should base our decisions on REALITY, not some far-off hypothetical that someone told you might be a problem.

She thinks she might have sexual thoughts about her boyfriend if she sees him wearing a swimsuit. COME ON. LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN.

People act like it's more likely that you'd have sexual thoughts about someone wearing a swimsuit than someone in regular clothes. And that it's more likely you'd have sexual thoughts about your boyfriend or girlfriend than just any random person. Are we seriously going to let these silly baseless superstitions control our lives? That's just ridiculous.

(I did not say any of those things to Diana or Derek.)

Thinking about it now, years later, I have suddenly realized, they ACTUALLY WERE sexually attracted to each other. That was an actual real thing for them, not a useless rule they made up because other people told them to.

And yes, it's nice that I now know I'm asexual, and I can look back on things that I said or did and realize wow, I totally missed the point because I legitimately did not know that most of my friends actually really truly do experience sexual attraction.

Also, if you've read my blog before, you know I no longer believe "sexual purity" is a thing that matters. Diana and Derek were trying so hard to avoid any situation where they would feel sexual desire. Back then, we all thought that was super-important. I'm happy to say I no longer live that way. Instead of repressing ourselves, it's good to be honest with ourselves about our feelings and desires, and enjoy them in a healthy way.

Anyway, LOLOLOLOLOL little Perfect Number heard her friends say they had to avoid swimming "for sexual purity", and had no way to conceptualize it other than "how silly to base your actual real-life decisions on these widely-held myths about what is and isn't sexual." LOL. I had absolutely no idea that they ACTUALLY WERE sexually attracted to each other.

-----------------

Related:
For This Asexual, Purity Culture Was All About Fear 

-----------------

Thank you to everyone who participated in the 2019 Reader Survey last May, where one of the highest-voted topics was asexuality. :) I'm very happy to write ace-related posts like this.

-----------------

This post is part of the January 2020 Carnival of Aces. The theme for this month is "Conscious and Unconscious Difference."