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"Come as you are", right?
We read in the bible about how Jesus accepted the tax collectors and prostitutes. Isn't that great. He accepts everyone.
But.
But. When I was a "good Christian" I totally believed that Jesus wants everyone to come as they are, and he accepts them, BUT. But then, you know, after meeting Jesus and starting to follow him, they would change, you know, change so they agreed with the "good Christian" view of things.
Throw open the doors, everyone is welcome! But once they're in, they'll realize the error of their ways, they'll realize how they were so wrong, and they will change to fit in with the party line.
That's "God's work in their lives."
He accepted the tax collectors and prostitutes. Of course. Which means when they first came to Jesus, it was perfectly fine for them to be tax collectors and prostitutes. But surely they would not stay that way. No, that wouldn't be okay.
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And they say Jesus loves me and accepts me as I am. But I don't want that.
Perfect Number, he accepts you as you are, and he will guide you and give you time and help you to change into a "good Christian."
He'll take you back to the way you were before, forgiving all this straying, all this questioning and the blasphemous things I've said on my blog.
Yes, he accepts you as you are, even though you don't believe in purity, and you don't oppose gay rights, and you *gasp* have even been deceived into thinking abortion might sometimes be okay.
It's okay, Perfect Number. Come back to Jesus.
And I fear that's the deal. And that's why I don't want to come back to Jesus.
I won't give him everything. I don't surrender. Obedience to God is not the highest thing in my life.
You guys, I want love to be the highest thing.
And life. And freedom.
And no matter what Jesus says, I won't go along with anything that is, as far as I can tell, incompatible with love and life and freedom.
It was easier back when I belonged to God and God only. There was always one clear answer. But now I exist in opposition to that god, rebellious toward him.
And they say yes, he loves me so much, and he accepts me no matter what.
Would he accept me if I never change? Would it be okay if I go on believing all this crap about feminism, if I spend my whole life arguing that yes, a person can be Christian and support issue XYZ, if I never have a single regret about the "impure" things I do with my boyfriend...
They say he accepts us as we are. But if that means he accepts that yes, beginners are going to be kind of clueless and they need a lot of work, then no deal.
Then I'll keep Jesus at arm's length. And I'll keep wishing I could be with him, but I'm sorry, love comes first.