Without noticing all the judging. Without considering how it might come across to people who disagree.
The writer blatantly says he is judging people who disagree. "We did it right. Feeling judged? I couldn't care less."
And the reason I might have read that and thought nothing of it is because I'd never heard the other side. I didn't grasp that REAL PEOPLE believe that it's normal to have sex without being married, and they have reasons for that, and a lot of those people are my friends. In mainstream American culture, abstinence is generally seen as silly.
And yes, Christianity told me about that- so many warnings about "the world does it this way"- but "the world" always felt like some big vague thing way out there somewhere, maybe on TV- not real people I might actually interact with, who have real lives and real reasons for believing what they believe.
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| I'm not sure what's going on here, but it is clearly a trap. Image source. |
So when I read that article, I thought maybe the author doesn't know how it comes across. (I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.) Maybe a lot of Christians (including me) are sheltered and don't realize how the things we say or believe get interpreted by our friends/ random strangers on the internet.
And how does it come across? Well, look at some of these responses: Redditors on r/TwoXChromosomes are angry and call him out on his judging. Jezebel mocks the article. Bloggers point out the flaws and hypocrisy of Christian purity culture and share about their own relationships, which are apparently "the wrong way".
And my response? I agree with a lot of what this guy believes. But I also see how it was received by the citizens of the internet, how they were hurt and offended and angry, and I agree with them too.
I plan to not have sex until I get married. (Haha, I refuse to use the term "waiting". I'm not "waiting" for anything- my life is awesome right now, thank you very much.) And I have a lot of reasons for that, based in Christianity and logic and my emotions, and I think it's a good decision. I think it's a good decision for me and other people too, and I'm happy to explain why, and I'm happy to listen to people's concerns about sexual compatibility and such. If we disagree, I'm not going to say "I'M TOTALLY JUDGING YOU" and tell them how much I pity them for ruining their life by making such a bad decision.
There's no need to judge. Virginity does not make you superior to anyone else. Instead, how about we present the reasons for and against having sex before marriage, listen to different points of view, and respect that people may have good reasons to disagree?