So this brings us to the question: How much does one need to pray before asking a girl out? Or, since I am a straight woman and I would prefer the guy to be the one doing the "asking" (though I definitely don't believe that's a rule handed down by God), how much do I need to pray before I start purposely spending more time around this guy, observing him more closely, asking him specific questions to find out if we might be compatible, dropping little hints that I like him?
The Christian dating books talk about being fairly sure this is the person you want to marry, very early in the relationship, or even before the idea of dating has been discussed between the man and woman.
So, how's this work? You pray and pray and pray, and don't say a word to your potential soul mate until you get the go-ahead from God?
I once heard someone say they knew someone who knew a pastor who said (super-reliable source, I know) a guy should fast and pray for 6 months before asking a girl out.
And I'm here to tell you why this philosophy makes no sense.
You need to pray about marriage because it's a very big deal. It's a huge choice that affects your life perhaps more than any other choice. And don't you think, if you need to carefully think and pray because of how much it will change your life, perhaps your potential significant other should also be thinking and praying about it, because of how drastically it would affect his/her life?
If you and God are spending 6 months hammering out the pros and cons of your future life with another person, don't you think that other person should have some input?
|"How dare you! All of you. Standing around deciding my future. I am not a prize to be won!" Image source.|
Yes, pray about it. But if you are entering the relationship with any kind of certainty, you're doing it wrong. You're planning someone else's life for them.
If you think you're going to pray about it until you are CERTAIN you will marry this person, and THEN you make the first move, I'm sorry but that's wrong. Yes, let's take dating seriously, let's not mess with someone's heart, but there needs to some middle ground between leading someone on and planning out their entire life without their input.
But what I do know is this: If you and God are talking, without any input from the outside world to give you a reality check, isn't it going to be easy to get all wrapped up in your own little world, your own little fantasy about how your life is supposed to play out? What happens if you decide this is totally the person you want to marry, and then they reject you because they just honestly were never interested?
|Then, of course, you get on the internet and complain about being "friendzoned." Image source.|
Which of these is a better strategy to determine compatibility:
- All by yourself, analyze everything and pray.
- Think, pray, be a friend to your "potential soul mate", show some interest, start discussing dating with them, and then when (if!) you are dating, spend time together, discuss marriage, etc.
(Oh, did I say "Incredibly Hot Guy"? I, of course, meant to say "godly." Yeah...)
All right everyone, tell me what you think. This is my attempt to figure out this dating stuff.