China Memes

Here are a few memes I made to capture what it's like living in China (as a white American, by the way):

And here are some I found online (through google image searches and the "China memes" facebook group):

If you don't know who this is, fix that immediately.

Blogaround

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1. There’s a reason this ‘Dear Kitten’ YouTube video has gone mega-viral in just days (posted June 7) "To hide from vacuum, you may use the curtains of invisibility." Adorable.

2. 4 Lies the Church Taught Me About Sex (posted June 10) "If you are committed to waiting until you’re married to have sex, there are many valid reasons to set boundaries on your physical relationship, but the fear of accidentally having sex shouldn’t be one of them." Well a-to-the-freakin-men.

3. Man Trapped Overnight at Vegas Airport Shoots Ridiculous Music Video (posted June 10) I think it's safe to say this guy won the internet this week.

4. Ad: Tribe launches campaign against 'Redskins' football team name (posted June 10)

5. Frozen in the hospital! Watch medical students sing Let It Go. (posted June 5) "Don't let them in, don't let them see / how I look up this stuff on WebMD."

Related:

Source: Facebook.

6. Cat vomit rage. Oh dear, this happened to me a few days ago. Also related: how to develop an invention.

7. me, my period, and Jesus (posted June 10) "And not only that, after my period was over I’d have to march myself over to the Temple in order to present a sin offering for being a woman."

8. Southern Baptist pastor on why he changed his mind about homosexuality (posted June 6) This is a powerful sermon.

Little Sins

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[trigger warning: rape, sexual abuse]

Okay, a little context for this post:

On Monday, June 9, Leadership Journal (which is associated with Christianity Today), published a post called "My easy trip from youth minister to felon," written by an anonymous author, currently in jail for sexually abusing a minor. Basically, the article is his account of how he was a successful youth pastor, and then he started not feeling so close to his wife, and then he started texting one of the students in his youth group, and then one thing led to another, and they had an "affair" and now he's in jail.

Seemingly, the purpose of the article was to warn its audience that sin starts small but can overtake any one of us and ruin our lives if we "let the devil have a foothold."

Or, in other words, if you're not careful, maybe you feel a little far from your wife and OH DEAR the next thing you know, you've raped someone and you're in jail.

Obviously, the Christian feminist blogosphere (and other related blogospheres) had a problem with the article- how it described an adult having sex with a minor as an "affair" instead of rape, how it blamed both the victim and the abuser for "giving in to sin", why the heck we're even letting a rapist publish this kind of thing on a prominent Christian website, etc.

So, well, Perfect Number lives in China so she was sleeping (or possibly at work without access to a vpn) when all you Americans were on twitter talking about it- I missed most of the action but hey, I did find these posts very good, so I recommend them:

because purity culture harbors rape & abuse
Leadership Journal, Christianity Today, and #TakeDownThatPost
Evangelical Narratives, Sexual Predators, and Safe Places
My Innocence Was Stolen From Me
On How the Church Discusses Abuse: Denying the Endorsement
A Cautionary Tale About Rape Culture In The Church

And then, seemingly on the night of June 13 but I sometimes get a little confused on what day it is in America, the post got taken down and in its place is a fantastic apology.

Like, a real apology, you guys. "We never should have published this post." Wow.

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So that's what happened, and here's my take:

Is there something about Christianity which makes it easier to "accidentally" rape someone? (Or perhaps, makes it easier to believe someone who claims to have "accidentally" raped someone?)

Or rather, let's talk about the idea that you have to be very careful to stop yourself from doing little sins because if you don't, you'll lose control and suddenly you'll be committing some big horrible sin.

That offensive post was originally titled, "My easy trip from youth pastor to felon." See that? "Easy." Apparently, once you've done some small and maybe-slightly-questionable things, like becoming sort of friendly with a female student in the youth group, it's so easy to become a criminal that it will probably happen without you even noticing. So we have to be really vigilant about little things.

The idea is, there are certain scenarios where, because you are naturally a sinner, you will be unable to control yourself and you'll do something awful. Your mistake, your real sin, is putting yourself into that situation. That's the real sin- because once you're in that situation, you can't control yourself.

And I've seen this idea in Christianity a lot. Don't believe me? Well have a look at some examples:

1. Purity culture. Oh geez, purity culture is basically FOUNDED on this idea. You can't ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex because you will probably end up having sex with them (and also nobody is gay). Don't hold hands with a boy, because next thing you know, you're having sex and you're ruined and you have no idea how it even happened- but of course, it was your fault for starting down that path.

(Incidentally, this philosophy can also be very victim-blamey.)

(Also, I remember a few years back, I read on a feminist blog that if a man and woman are making out and fooling around and the woman says she doesn't want to have sex, then the man HAS TO STOP. And I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED. Because I always heard you shouldn't do that stuff with a guy if you don't want to have sex, because guys just get so turned on and they can't stop. You know, you put yourself in that situation and basically that means the question of whether or not you're going to have sex is out of your control. And suddenly feminists were saying, "No, men CAN stop- and they MUST, in order to be a decent human being and not a RAPIST.")

2. "Nobody wakes up one day and decides, 'I'm going to have an affair.'" I've heard Christians say that many times. The idea is that going from a good marriage to an affair is a gradual process. And yeah, I think that would be true. But I no longer buy the idea that it's such a gradual process that once it starts, you have no opportunity to notice what you're doing and make a conscious decision to stop it.

I wrote about this a while back, in my post Hedges for Monsters. "It's almost like there's an assumption 'I'll probably cheat on my wife if given the chance,' so one must make sure to never get that chance."

3. Hanging out with people who are "a bad influence." You know, if you have friends who *gasp* think it's okay to drink and have consensual sex, then after a while you might start thinking those things are okay too! You get desensitized to sin! Oh noes!

And you know, be careful what kind of sources you read and listen to- I mean, just look at me, I started reading some stuff about gay people and how they're like, real people deserving of love and respect, and now my views have changed and I *gasp* support all the gay rights.

Yep. That's how you get led astray, right?

4. There's even a song about this! "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns.

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So anyway.

I don't doubt that when people commit horrible sins, the process of getting to that point is full of small steps. However, I believe that there are many many conscious decisions being made along the way. Yes, that person has every opportunity to realize just how bad their actions are, and they absolutely have the power to stop. 

Nobody accidentally rapes and sexually abuses a child.

I think another factor in this "slippery slope" philosophy is the definition of sin. One view defines "sin" as "this is a sin because God said it's a sin" (or, rather, their interpretation of the bible says it's a sin). And it's bad to sin because it makes you a bad person, far from God. And also, all sins are equal.

Like in the aforementioned article written by a sex offender. His view seemed to be that his actions were bad because he ended up getting arrested and losing his wife and kids, and now he's a registered sex offender. It was so focused on himself, and seemed to be written as a warning to others- be careful about "letting the devil have a foothold" in your life- be careful about little sins, or else these bad things might happen to you too. (I don't recall seeing anything about the harm he had caused to his victim and his wife.)

And when we just focus on ourselves, it's easier for our harmful actions to seem reasonable.

(Which, of course, in no way excuses those actions.)

But I define a sin as "this is a sin because it hurts someone." I hope that thinking in this way will make me more aware of the consequences of my actions and how they affect others- and therefore make it harder to make excuses for sin.

(Let me point out that there are totally other ways to view/define sin besides these two. I don't want to create a false dichotomy here.)

And you'll notice, in the examples I listed above, the thing they have in common is that these 2 different definitions of sin would view the situations quite differently. Like the example of having an affair- is it bad because God said "do not commit adultery" or is it bad because it hurts one's spouse?

If it's about rules and exact definitions, it's easier to find a loophole.

But if it's about "are my actions hurting someone?" then ... not all "sins" are equal anymore, are they? (I've heard it said "Everyone is a sinner. Not everyone is an abuser.")

Didn't Jesus say, "Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me?"

How Scar Became a Bad Guy

Writing prompt: The classic villain is convinced that their actions are for the greater good. Convince me that the villain is not actually delusional, but actually working for a noble cause, even if his/her methods are unorthodox/illegal.

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“It happened then, and it will happen again,” I told my brother. “Can’t you see the grass has gotten thinner here, and if we don’t do something soon, there will be no more animals to hunt?”

“Nonsense. Some years are better than others, that’s all. We’re doing fine, and next year will be even better. Try to have a little optimism.”

He was wrong. He was so so wrong, and I knew it. I tried to reason with him- seriously, the changes that have been happening in the past few years- the weather and the decrease in plants and wildlife- it’s just like our grandfather told us all those years ago. It means a famine is coming.

We needed to get organized. We needed to find the best sources of food, and work to preserve them. But my brother wouldn’t listen. He was the king- this should be his responsibility! But he’s so overconfident, and doesn’t care to study and understand our environment.

If only he could see.

That’s when I got an idea. Maybe a bad idea, but I was desperate. There was one area to the east which was rather dry and desolate. It hadn’t been that way just 2 years before. I needed my brother to see it. But oh, he’s the king, he’s so busy.

But if his young son went exploring there, I just knew my brother would fear for his safety and go get him.

So I had a little chat with my nephew, Simba. Poor kid. What would happen to him when the famine came?

Well, my plan sort of worked. Simba went to the elephant graveyard, and my brother went to save him. In my defense, I really did not expect the hyenas to be there that day, but I guess their homeland has become more and more dry and now they’re staying on the outer edge of our kingdom on a more permanent basis.

I was waiting there when my brother got back home. He seemed a little too happy for someone who had just seen the early stages of famine.

“Oh honey, I was so worried!” his wife exclaimed.

“Haha, don’t worry, everything’s fine,” my brother answered with a laugh. “And I know a few hyenas who will think twice before they ever come around here again. We won’t be seeing them any time soon!”

Everyone laughed, but I interrupted: “No! They will come back. Don’t you see, things are getting worse and worse…”

“Oh, come on, Scar!” said my brother. “Do you always have to be a little raincloud?” Everyone laughed again- I don’t know why everyone thinks he’s so hilarious, because he’s really not. But I looked around at the faces in the room, so full of life. Mothers watched their children roll around purring and playing. So much happiness here, and nobody knows what fate will come to us in just a few years. And nobody cares, not even the king. Nobody cares about our future, except for me.

At that moment, something changed inside me. Yes, I will protect this kingdom, no matter the cost. I have to kill Mufasa.

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The next morning, I started work on my plan. It would have to be clever- my brother is so much stronger than me, there’s no way I could take him in a fight. And of course no other lion would help. Perhaps I could get the hyenas on my side- they were already a little angry at him, right? Still, Mufasa could probably fight off 5 or 10 of them.

His only weakness is Simba, I decided. Ah, I hate to put my sweet little nephew in danger, but this is for the good of all of us.

I went to see the hyenas and told them my plan. I would be king. I would save all of us- lions and hyenas. Well, I had to keep the hyenas a little in the dark about my real motives- those guys are a bit too anti-lion.

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Finally the day came to set the plan in motion- to kill Mufasa. The hyenas provoked a wildebeest stampede, and really everything went right- Mufasa died and little Simba didn’t.

Ah, poor kid. I know, it’s kind of a sad thing, but with me as the king, everything would work out. I fully assumed Simba, because he was so young, would agree to have me rule in his place for a few years, or at least make all the important decisions as an all-powerful “advisor.”

Everything had gone perfectly, until I approached my nephew crying beside my brother’s body, and suddenly I sensed I was being watched.

Oh crap. I had told the hyenas we were going to kill Simba too, and now they were waiting to see it happen. This was NOT part of the plan. I thought they would go back to the elephant graveyard after their job was done- really, they only needed to be there at the beginning.

I needed Simba to get out of there. The only thing I could think was to tell him it was all his fault. Seriously, I know the hyenas would have killed both of us if they saw me being merciful to him. As soon as Simba had run away, I could hear hyena footsteps, slowly coming out of hiding, waiting for my orders.

There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t risk the hyenas’ anger, not when I was this close to becoming king and saving the kingdom.

“Kill him.”

Feminism 101: Privilege

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Feminism 101 is a series in which I define some of the terms that feminists like to throw around. My goal is to help those who are totally new to feminism understand what it's all about.

Today's entry: privilege.

Several years ago, I went to a conference with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and attended sessions focused on how God wants to bring justice to the world. (By the way, I love InterVarsity, you guys.) The first day of the conference, the session leader took us all outside to a field and said we were going to have a race.

He had us all line up in the middle of the field, and marked the finish line at one end of the field. But before we raced, he said, we would take a few steps forward or backward depending on our answers to a series of questions.

"If there were at least 50 books in your home when you were growing up, take one step forward." I was kind of surprised- come on, EVERYBODY has 50 books in their house! What kind of question is this? And I took a step forward.

He read some similar statements relating to the opportunities we had for education growing up, and we all took steps forward or backward according to his directions. Then he moved on to statements about race. "If, when you read textbooks, you expect to find accounts of accomplishments of members of your race, take a step forward." "If, when you ask to speak to 'the person in charge' you are pretty confident you'll be speaking to someone of your race, take a step forward." Etc.

And statements about gender. "If, when you go to buy something like a car, you bring a member of the opposite gender along, to keep from getting ripped off, take one step back." This went on for a while. Statements being read, steps forward, steps back.

Finally it was time to actually run the race. But of course, we were all scattered all over the field. There were a few white guys a couple steps from the finish line, and a few international students so far in the other direction that they were standing in the woods.

So the race wasn't all that exciting... or fair. But wow, it was a shock to realize other people's lives were so different from mine.

Years later, I became a feminist, and realized all the statements he read came off lists of examples of white privilege, male privilege, etc. Privilege checklists.

So anyway, what is privilege? 

Privilege is the set of advantages you have because you belong to a certain group, maybe based on your race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Usually it's because of something you have no control over, but not always. (For example, there is Christian privilege in American culture.) In general, people with privilege don't even realize they have privilege.

Some examples:

Women are often warned about protecting themselves from rapists. Don't walk alone at night, don't leave your drink unattended at a party, etc. Most men never think about that stuff at all.

Straight people can totally tell everyone about their marriages and kids and all that. But those who are in same-sex relationships might worry about being judged or even losing their job if they talked about their families.

So if you have privilege, does that mean you should feel guilty about it? No! Like I said, usually it's based on characteristics you have no control over. But you must be aware of it, and realize that other people's experiences are different from yours, and you need to learn from them.

Also, privilege isn't necessarily something that should be eliminated. Able-bodied people have privilege and have access to a lot of things disabled people do not, but does that mean we should make everyone disabled? No.

And members of minority cultures will have some disadvantages in navigating through a society run by the majority culture, but there's no obvious way to "fix" that. It's not necessarily anyone's fault either.

What it does mean is we should consider others and realize that not everyone is the same.

Anyway, other people have explained privilege much better than I can, so I invite you to read more about it:

Why Should We Care About Privilege?

What does it mean to be 'privileged'?

The Price Is Racist: When Minorities (and Women) Are Asked to Pay More

Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is

And find some examples here:

White Privilege Checklist

Male Privilege Checklist

Heterosexual Privilege Checklist

Cis Privilege Checklist

Thin Privilege Checklist

Able-Bodied Privilege Checklist

Class Privilege Checklist

Christian Privilege Checklist

Blogaround

1. The Tanks and the People (posted June 3) "Twenty-five years ago, before the Tiananmen massacre, my father told me: 'Son, be good and stay at home, never provoke the Communist Party.'"

2. Ghosts of Tiananmen (posted June 4) Photos.

3. Modest is Hottest? (posted May 18) "I grew up believing that the lack of men falling at my feet was a sign of some sort of moral failing on my part."

4. To the lady ashamed of being pregnant with her fourth (posted May 31) "Countless strangers in grocery stores have seen me with my three little ones and impertinently asked me how many children I was planning on having. I don’t know, person I have never met before. Tell you what, how about next week I will bring my husband here and all three of us will discuss our family planning and come up with a number you find suitable."

5. should colleges use trigger warnings? (posted June 4) "With an awareness of what it’s like to be a rape victim, with some education about how victim blaming can re-traumatize rape survivors, my professor could have made my Faulkner class a safe place to discuss the realities of sexual violence."

6. How Turbulence Happens, and Why It's Not So Scary After All (posted June 5) "The pilots aren't worried about the wings falling off; they're trying to keep their customers relaxed and everybody's coffee where it belongs."

7. Giraffe Friends. Adorable.

8. Legolas. Bahahahaha this is for those who like puns and silliness.

9. Religious OCD: 'I'm going to hell' (posted May 31) Maybe I can relate to this a little bit. God sees and knows everything, right? So even if other people think it's not a big deal if stuff isn't completely completely perfectly perfect, well, God knows.

The Most Important Question

This week, we'll look at Matthew 16:13-28.

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Jesus asked his disciples, "Who do you say I am?" The most important question for Christians.

Who is Jesus?

For Christians, our answer to this question dictates what kind of beliefs we value most and what kind of people we are. Which of Jesus' characteristics do we emphasize? What misconceptions do we have, negatively affecting our connection with God and the world? (Because we're all wrong about a lot of things.)

On one level, I believe Jesus is all about love. Sacrificial love. And we should be like him.

And he is always with us. He loves every person.

And I believe that, sort of. But God also feels far away from me. He's far enough removed from this world to allow tragedies to happen.

Maybe I can't trust God, and I have to take care of myself.

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Also in this passage: Jesus tells the disciples he's going to suffer and die, and that his followers must "deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

And man, I don't know how to do that. I guess I should pray for God to help me do it.

While reading this passage, I was thinking, "I don't have time to do stuff to help and love others sacrificially. I just go to work and then when I have days off, I need to rest and be alone." But then I realized, it's not supposed to be an extra thing that I need to find time for. "Take up your cross and follow me" should be the way we live our lives, doing the things we're already doing- like going to work.

Or at least, that's a place to start, and we should keep our hearts open and maybe we'll be inspired to do more. Not out of guilt, but because it's something that really matters to us.

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Well, those are my two main points from this passage: "who is Jesus" and "take up your cross." But of course I have a bunch of questions I'll leave here:

Peter said "You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God." It would be really interesting to know what that meant in the context of their culture.

Also what is this business about "the keys to the kingdom of heaven" and "whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven" yada yada? I don't get that.

Jesus said, "Get behind me, satan!" Is he calling Peter "satan"? Dear goodness why? Even if Peter's idea is a horrible temptation sort of thing, you still shouldn't talk to people that way, Jesus!

"For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done." Salvation by works, says Jesus.

And the last bit about "some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." I've heard that refers to the transfiguration (coming up in the next chapter). Well, does it? Why?

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This post is part of a series on the gospel of Matthew.

Previous post: Legalism is Easier (Matthew 16:5-12)

Next post: Jesus Got All Shiny (Matthew 17:1-13)

Click here to go to the beginning of the series.

When God Agreed That a Crush Was Dangerous

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I remember this one time, back in college, when I had a crush on a particular guy.

And of course, every crush is either a sign from God that this is the one guy destined for me and we will get married and live happily forever, OR a sin that permanently damages my heart and I will regret forever. (According to purity culture.) So I prayed and prayed and prayed, asking God which one it was, telling him to completely take away the feelings if God didn't plan for me to marry this guy.

Through all the praying and interactions with the guy, I noticed that sometimes he was a little bit irresponsible. Ah... okay. He's not "the one." Darn. Because, you know, God certainly has someone better for me, someone without that flaw. God can do anything, if I only just trust him and wait. To pursue a guy who didn't appear to be perfect for me would mean I'm just following my fleshly desires, unwilling to wait and trust in God's perfect plan.

(Side note: No one outside of purity culture has ever used the word "fleshly." Or "wifely," for that matter.)

So yeah. Okay, this guy's not the one for me. Well, okay, but I still had a crush on him. So I prayed and prayed for God to take those feelings away. I was so worried that I might start to like the guy a little more, which would mean I was giving away an even larger part of my heart- thereby permanently damaging myself and my potential to have a happy marriage.

Soon after this, I happened to be at a meeting of a Christian group I was part of, and there was a speaker who gave a little "altar call" at the end of her talk. We all had the close our eyes and then, you know,  raise your hand if you want to commit your life to Jesus for the first time.

And then, she asked who is already a Christian but lately hasn't been as committed as they should be and would like to recommit their life to Jesus.

At that moment, I knew that if I raised my hand, the crush would be gone.

Actually the "recommit your life to Jesus" bit didn't exactly apply to me. I hadn't been wandering away from God or anything. It was just I had this stupid crush I couldn't shake, which was possibly eroding my heart away. And somehow I knew that if I raised my hand, God would take it away. Gone.

So I did. Raised my hand to recommit my life to Jesus or whatever.

And yes, after that, the feelings were gone. And I thanked God.

I was free. :)

Ummm, I was free for a couple days but then I was hanging out with another guy friend and was suddenly struck by how strong and kind he was and so then I had a crush on him for a couple months. Repeat the whole worried intense prayer and fearful guarding of my heart.

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I'm telling this story because I don't understand it. It's a true story, but when I lived it, I had a very different view on purity and God than I do now. And at that time, I saw it from that view, and it all made sense. I prayed for God to take away that dangerous crush, and then God told me that if I raised my hand, he would, so I made the choice that I'd rather be fully committed to God than enjoy the temporary pleasures of sin (ie the good feelings I get from liking a cute guy).

Yeah but now I don't believe any of that.

I no longer think crushes are dangerous things. I think they're normal. And God made us that way.

I no longer think every romantic moment is either a lovely piece of a lifelong happy marriage OR a horrible mistake that mars one's heart forever. I think maybe it could be just harmless. Or even good, but not good in a way that means you should marry that person.

I no longer think my little feelings of attraction have such massive spiritual importance.

I no longer think God wants us to fear and avoid sexual attraction.

I no longer think commitment to Jesus means not liking boys.

So this story makes no sense. I was all worried over and praying for things that weren't anything like the danger I imagined them to be. And then I just knew- God told me?- that if I raised my hand it would be gone, so I did and it was gone, like a little miracle.

Huh?

But that doesn't make any sense. Would God really do that? It seems like confirmation that God was on board with my whole purity belief system. But uh, no way, because the purity belief system makes no sense.

How? Where was God? Was it God who suddenly took the feelings away, or is there an explanation from psychology? (Do I even want to believe in "an explanation from psychology"? Back then I felt so close to God, and I miss that.)

And all those times I desperately prayed about cute guys, begging and begging God for a "yes" or a "no" ... was God just like, "what are you talking about"?

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I can only explain it as God being where I was and helping me in a way I could understand, even though I was wrong about so many things.

I don't know.

Happiness, Holiness, Pointlessness

See what I mean? Image source.

"God doesn't want us to be happy, he wants us to be holy." I've heard that so many times within Christianity.

Basically, as Libby Anne explains in her post CTBHHM: Sweet Little Teresa’s Story, it means Christians aren't supposed to make decisions based on "will I be happy?" No, it has to be about "holiness" and "God's plan."

(Or rather, we overspiritualize our reasons for making some big life decision because our happiness is most definitely NOT a good enough reason.)

Like me when I wanted to move to China. You know, moving from the US to another country (especially a country not full of white people) is a huge thing, probably so huge and weird that no one would actually want to do it- God tells them to do it. And I prayed so much "God send me to China" until I figured out, you know, I can go because I want to go. So I did.

I'm such a rebel, right? Image source.

Let me clarify something about the "God doesn't want us to be happy, he wants us to be holy" philosophy. Back when I subscribed to that, it didn't mean that I didn't value happiness. It meant that I believe that focusing on obeying God rather than chasing short-term happiness would bring more happiness in the long run.

For example, you can't date a guy just because he makes you happy- you have to pray and get God's permission, and you can only date the guy if it's God's plan. Because, if you don't follow God's plan, you'll be happy at first but in the long run it will be way worse.

In God's plan, maybe it's hard now but you are working toward a greater good, and in the end there will be a reward that makes it all worth it.

So I thought.

Of course it's true sometimes. But what happens when you just wait and wait, continue to be strong for God, be pure and no one seems to notice, dress modest and no one seems to care... just wait and trust God... what then?

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And I'll conclude this post by telling a story. Back in college, I used to hang out at this fraternity house, because a lot of my friends were members. (Don't think stereotypical wild parties and drinking, think a bunch of nerdy guys staring at their computers or playing board games.)

Back then, I was really into purity culture, which meant doing my absolute best to not be attracted to guys- to squash all those feelings. But sometimes, late at night, hanging out with the brothers there, I'd start to feel a bit of attraction, like oh I want to go kiss that guy or sit on his lap. Basically lust.

And it was fun to play with those ideas in my mind a little- but hey, it's wrong, according to purity culture. And it's probably a slippery slope- you know, at one moment you're lusting, and next thing you know you're having sex and are therefore broken and impure and you HAVE NO IDEA how it happened, but see, that's because we all have a sinful nature and you can't toy around with lust for even a moment because it's so dangerous.

So whenever the lust happened, I would get myself out of that situation fast. I'd go to another room where I wouldn't feel any sexual tension. But man, that was hard. It was so hard to leave.

And you know what kept me going? The idea that God could see what I did, that God knew I had made the tough decision to do the right thing. I had placed obedience to God above temporary pleasure. And God cared. It mattered.

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And now I wonder, did it matter?

I don't believe in purity culture anymore. And all that stuff that happened back then- I don't really know how to understand it anymore. Did I do the right thing? Was that actually lust? Was it actually dangerous? What would have happened if I had stayed, all those times when I felt "lust"? I no longer think it's possible to accidentally have sex with someone...

Did God care? Does anyone care? Did it actually matter?

Blogaround

Image source.

1. Your Princess Is in Another Castle: Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds (posted May 27) "There isn’t a team of writers or a studio audience pulling for us to triumph by 'getting the girl' in the end."

2. ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (posted May 27)

3. Why You’ll Never Really Get Over Monica And Chandler (posted May 30) So cute.

4. Three Questions for Memorial Day (posted May 23) "We are told soldiers 'sacrificed themselves,' though they were actually sacrificed by politicians who sent them to war."

5. How covering June 4 Tiananmen Square crackdown kicked off 'CNN Effect' (posted June 2) Oh my, 25 years ago. (In China, people know about it but we can't talk about it or we might get in trouble.)

6. Two girls died looking for a toilet. This should make us angry, not embarrassed (posted May 31) "Today, 2.5 billion people live without access to a toilet, forcing women to walk to dark and dangerous places to find the privacy they need – those same dark and dangerous places where men wait to attack them."