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| In 2022, after the Club Q shooting, Focus on the Family Colorado was vandalized with graffiti that says "Their blood is on your hands. Five lives taken." Image source and news article here: Influential evangelical group that opposes LGBT+ rights vandalised after Colorado Springs mass shooting |
James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, has died.
When I think about Focus on the Family, I have a lot of anger and sadness. I grew up reading books written by Dobson, reading Brio magazine (Focus on the Family's magazine for teen girls), reading fundraising newsletters from Dobson. It was all about how, as Christians, we know the correct way to live, we know God's way to live, we know that if people don't follow God's rules, there will be bad results, and so we have to fight to make sure our culture doesn't normalize breaking God's rules.
I really believed all of it.
And there's a lot I could say, but the areas where this has affected me the most are purity culture and queer acceptance. Yeah, the main source that taught me purity culture was Brio magazine. I totally believed it, totally believed all of it. Totally believed that "losing your virginity" would turn you into a completely different kind of person, unworthy of love, unable to ever have a good marriage. Totally believed that the best-case scenario was to never have physical contact with a guy, until marriage. Totally believed that it was an emergency every time I had a crush- I had to "guard my heart." Totally believed that all of this came straight from God's mouth.
Purity culture has been such a huge thing in my life. I've blogged about it a lot... I don't really want to say too much in this blog post because it is such a huge thing.
What I really want to talk about is queerness.
Long ago, when I was a teenager, before I had ever met any queer people, I was reading Focus on the Family's propaganda about them. It was about how being gay is so wrong, so disgusting, and isn't it just horrible that society is beginning to accept them? If there was ever a gay character on TV, Focus on the Family would raise the alarm about it, get all the conservative Christians outraged- how dare this TV show portray a gay person as a regular person that we can empathize with! Pushing the message that gay people exist and that's just fine- NO! The horror! It's not fine, it's against God's law, and everyone who is living "the gay lifestyle" is secretly miserable, and it's an outrage that the media is pushing this dangerous, false message that it's okay to be gay.
There were books that Focus on the Family promoted- which I read- "Marriage Under Fire" (by Dobson) and "The Homosexual Agenda", if you really want to know- which were about how we CANNOT legalize same-sex marriage. That would destroy society. People may ask "how, exactly, would it destroy society...? Seems like if you're not gay, it doesn't affect you?" Well, these books had an answer for that. You see, if same-sex marriage is legal, then people will think it's okay to marry a same-sex partner, which will totally change people's understanding of what marriage is, which will lead to polygamy and people marrying their dogs and pedophilia.
I believed all that.
And... well, it's a long story, but I wanted to learn more about how to help those pathetic gay people who were trapped in "the gay lifestyle" and needed to know God's love and God's rules and how their lives would be so much better if they just try to stop doing gay things. As I learned more and more- specifically, reading blog posts from gay Christians- I realized that everything that Focus on the Family had said was bullshit.
The bullshit. The mind-boggling expansiveness of the bullshit. Day in and day out, writing about how those bad gay people are going to DESTROY MARRIAGE- and it was all lies. It's really quite astounding, when you recognize the full scope of it... What would cause someone to go out in public, again and again and again, and say nasty, dehumanizing, completely false things about a group of people? How are people doing that and claiming to be Christians, claiming to follow the bible? The bible says "do not bear false witness against your neighbor."
And claiming that we know the correct way to live because God told us, and if you disagree, you're disagreeing with God- the bible says "do not take the Lord's name in vain."
When I think about James Dobson, when I think about Focus on the Family, I think of the verse where Jesus said:
If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
Because of the bullshit propaganda promoted by Focus on the Family and other nice Christian groups, people believe that an important part of being Christian is discriminating against queer people. Really. Seriously. So many Christians who, upon hearing about the some aspect of queer people's lives, have a knee-jerk reaction "that's bad, that's against God" rather than wanting to learn about it in order to care about people and "love your neighbor as yourself." So many non-Christians believe that Christianity is anti-LGBTQ. So many news articles with headlines about the fight between Christianity and queer rights, as if something that's good news for queer people is obviously bad news for Christians.
Dobson played a big role in this. Because of Dobson, people believe Christianity is about judging and excluding queer people. Because of Dobson, people believe that "morality" means making rules for other people's sex lives, rather than anything related to helping people. Because of Dobson, news articles say things like "people are voting based on their values" and we all understand it means being cruel to queer people.
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This article from Wonkette has about the right amount of respect towards Dobson: James Dobson Meets His Maker. (It Is The Devil.)
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See also, the Focus on the Family tag on my blog
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