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| A man and woman hug each other as they are reunited at an airport. Image source. |
The topic for March 2022's Carnival of Aces is "Which protections do we asexuals need in law?" so I wanted to talk a bit about immigration. I am a US citizen, living in China, and my husband is a Chinese citizen. We are currently in the process of applying for a US green card for him.
It's interesting, how the US green card system is set up to privilege one certain kind of family structure: couples who are monogamous, heterosexual, living together, in a sexual relationship, possibly having kids together. (I put "heterosexual" in the list because, even though same-sex marriage is legal in the US, it is not legal in China, so the options for an American/Chinese same-sex couple living in China are more limited. I guess they would have to go to another country [could be the US, but need to apply for the right visa first] to get married, and then after that, the Chinese partner could apply for the US green card.)
And, lucky for us, my husband and I do fit that family structure. And we have a kid. So nobody in an immigration office is going to question us and say our marriage is fake. But I know a lot of asexuals aren't interested in that kind of relationship. Don't want to get married, or don't want to have sex- but do want to have deep, committed, life-partner-type relationships. I have seen asexuals blogging about wanting that kind of relationship, which society would call "roommates" but it's every bit as real and loving as a marriage. Or an asexual who wants to live with a married couple and help them take care of their kids. Or an asexual in a poly relationship.
So as a US citizen, you find someone or someones that you want to spend your life with, and if they are from another country, then you can help them get a US green card if your relationship is what society would call "marriage." But if your relationship structure is something else, then I am not sure what options you have. If you look at this webpage, about eligibility for a US green card, in the "Family" section it's all like, spouse, adopted child, parent, to a lesser extent there are also green cards available for siblings but there's a longer wait time, and so on. ... There's no, uh, "non-sexual partner" or anything.
Well, let's say you're two asexuals in a non-sexual non-romantic life-partner-type of relationship, and you decide "let's just get a marriage license anyway, for the legal benefits, even though we don't view our relationship as marriage." Well, you also might run into problems applying for a green card. It's not enough to have a marriage license- you also have to have evidence that your marriage is "bona fide." Things like, photos from your wedding, rental contracts that show that you live together, joint bank accounts, having children together, letters from friends that say you are really a couple, etc. (You don't need all of those, but those are examples of the sorts of things they want to see.) Basically evidence that you have the sort of relationship that society calls "marriage" and you're not just getting a marriage license to commit immigration fraud.
I honestly don't know how realistic it is for this hypothetical asexual couple- I haven't done research into that, because it's not the situation I'm in. Maybe it's possible to get a spouse green card with someone you're not having sex with, but I don't know. I have heard anecdotes about being questioned about your sex life at the visa interview, though I don't know how common that is. I'm sure it won't happen to us because we literally have a child together.
I know they want to put limits on what kind of relationship is eligible for the green card because they can't just let anyone and everyone immigrate in... I guess... but those of you who read my blog know I am very pro-immigrants. I am an immigrant in China; I know what it is to have your right to stay in the country dependent on some bureaucracy nonsense that HR is supposed to be helping you with but they're not taking it seriously- no one should have to feel that anxiety.
Growing up in the US, I always totally believed that I could go live in any country I wanted, believed that everyone could do that. And then, as an adult, I found that was an extremely extremely privileged perspective. Yes, if you have a US passport, you can go to lots of countries. Yes, if you are a native English speaker, then you can get a job teaching English, even if you don't really have any teacher qualifications- I certainly wasn't qualified enough when I started teaching English in China. (I am now a software engineer in China instead, which is way better for me.) But if you don't have those things? For a lot of people in this world, they can't just go galivanting around to wherever, solely because of what citizenship they hold. It shouldn't be that way. I wish everyone could live wherever they want. I support all immigrants.
There are always Americans saying "well they should get in line"- but for most people, there actually isn't even a line (ie, there isn't even a legal option available to them at all, to move to the US). John Oliver did a good segment on this- he is also an immigrant. But if you're married to a US citizen, then lucky you, there is a line you can get in, to get a green card and the right to live in the US without worrying you'll be kicked out because of the whims of whoever your visa is dependent on (most likely your job). And the "married to a US citizen" line moves along pretty efficiently and reliably. From talking to other women in my same situation (living in China, married to a Chinese man) it seems like the green card process takes maybe 1 year.
But for asexuals who aren't in a "marriage" relationship but have a partner or partners they want to live with, that's not an option. I don't necessarily have a solution for that (lol, well, actually my solution is "let in wayyyyyyy more immigrants"). Realistically it would be something about adding additional types of relationships that would be eligible for a green card. But still, who would define that? How can you set criteria to determine "you have an important enough connection to a US citizen that you should be allowed to stay in the country"? That is very tricky, maybe even impossible. I'm not sure if it can really be changed. But the way it works now puts a lot of asexuals at a disadvantage.
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Related:
US Immigration and the Definition of Marriage
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