CNN article, posted June 20: I don't own my child's body
Summary:
The author writes about how her 4-year-old daughter is allowed to say no to a relative who wants a hug or kiss. "I would like you to hug Grandma, but I won't make you do it." Because if we force children to give physical affection, it teaches them that their bodies do not belong to them. It teaches them to use their bodies to please other people. This could lead to sexual abuse, maybe in the form of child predators, maybe in the form of a boyfriend saying "If you love me, you'll have sex with me."
And no, it's not because she's a bad parent and she's teaching her daughter to be rude. Her daughter will always offer a handshake or high-five. Being polite isn't the same thing as allowing everyone access to your body.
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I love this and I totally agree- kids shouldn't be forced to hug or kiss anyone, even if it's Grandma. When the author talks about how it could lead to sexual abuse if you don't allow your kids to say no to little innocent things like hugs from relatives- well, I don't know if that connection is valid or not, but it doesn't matter. Everyone is in charge of their own body, and something doesn't have to be sexual in order to be a not-okay violation of someone's space.
This is something I personally wonder about how to manage, because for a long time I've had a policy of not hugging guys. And I have a lot of reasons for this, and they're good reasons, and I know it's the right policy for me. But what do I do when some guy who's my friend tries to give me a hug, just to say hi or whatever?
I feel like, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, because it's not like they did anything wrong. Some people are fine with being hugged, and some people aren't, and they just didn't realize I was in the second category. I'm always afraid if I say something, I'll be making too much of a big deal out of it, or I'll have to explain why, etc.
I wonder about the ways people might respond to a child refusing to give them a hug. People are going to say "why are you making such a big deal out of it?" My response would be to ask them why they're making such a big deal out of it. Why is it more weird to think that acquaintances do NOT have a right to touch me than to think that they do?
Maybe forcing kids to give the relatives a kiss makes them more vulnerable to sexual abuse later, maybe not. It doesn't matter. If the kid doesn't want to kiss their aunt, for any reason at all, they shouldn't have to. Who says the only valid reason to not allow someone to touch you is something related to sex?
So, what do you think? Agree with me, or do you think it's rude for a child to not kiss their uncles? How to deal with people who think it's unreasonable to refuse to hug them? Is there a difference between a child and an adult in regard to the rights they have over their own body?