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So had this weird experience today.
I was hanging out with my boyfriend and some of his relatives, people I don’t really know at all. And we were talking about a lot of things (all of this is in Chinese, by the way) and we talked about religion. So, I’m a Christian, and one other girl there was a Christian, and my boyfriend (not a Christian) started talking about how there are a lot of different denominations and different beliefs within Christianity. So far so good.
Then the other girl was talking about what Christianity is. How the biggest difference between Christianity and other religions is that Christians believe we can’t earn God’s love. We’re all sinners, and God loves us, and we need him to help us, and only then can we really learn to love others. And it’s not a religion, it’s a relationship, and I’m really glad this was all in Chinese because if I had to listen to all those Christianese clichés in English, I just might have died of boredom.
(They’re not clichés for her though. I get that. Also she grew up in the US, if you’re wondering why it sounds uncannily similar to American evangelical Christianity.)
And then I said yeah, actually different Christians would emphasize different parts, like is the important thing about going to heaven, or about loving others, etc. Like, what exactly is the goal of being a Christian. So she asked me what I think the goal is. I said, you know, the world has a lot of problems, a lot of bad things that happen, and in the future God will make the world better, the way it should be. So now we should try to help God make the world better. Help people, love people, etc.
Yeah. That’s all I said. Somehow I didn’t mention that God loves everyone. Oops. What was up with that?
But I thought, you know, it’s okay if I didn’t explain it very well. For the “unsaved” who were listening, my goal isn’t to change their minds, like when I used to “share the gospel.” If I didn’t say it well, if people don’t believe me, whatever. God still loves them. God will still come and bring resurrection to the whole world, and that’s good news. It’s still good news for them even if they don’t believe.
No worries.
But... I started to wonder what my boyfriend’s cousin (who had just given the “good Christian” perspective that I used to believe) would think. My version of “the gospel” probably sounded so weak. Just making the world better?
That’s not Christianity.
Or rather, anyone who adheres to the “good Christian” view I used to hold would very confidently say, “That’s not Christianity.”
But it is, man, it is. I believe God will make the world better because God already raised Jesus from the dead. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is a sign that someday, the whole world will experience resurrection, and there will be no more crying or pain, and there will be justice, and I mean JUSTICE like real JUSTICE, not the “everyone goes to hell” perversion of justice that you were taught in Sunday school.
You guys. God loves you. And death does not win in the end. And that’s good news. If you don’t believe it, that’s fine with me. God still loves you. And the loving thing for me to do is respect other people’s beliefs. So no worries.
But I can’t help but think that my version of Christianity is unrecognizable. Most Christians would say that’s not what Christianity is, right? And... meeting my boyfriend’s cousin and finding out she’s a Christian too, on the one hand it’s great because I don’t have many Christian friends in China, but on the other hand, is she going to judge me and decide I’m “not a real Christian”?
What if we’re both Christians but we have nothing in common?
I really have changed to a different religion. Though it’s Christianity, to many people it’s unrecognizable as such. And I wonder, if I tell people I’m a Christian, do I have to add some explanation “but actually not the kind of Christian that you would think when you hear someone say they’re a Christian,” like I should warn people that I’m fake so that they won’t accidentally assume we have so much in common.
Like the random old woman at church, whom I had known for about one minute when she started telling me (in Chinese) about how her daughter-in-law’s not a Christian, and she’s all worried about her, etc. All right, I guess it’s not okay to let this person know my boyfriend’s not a Christian.
I don’t know if I can find a church that will accept me. I don’t know if I can find other Christians who can accept me. I’ve found them online, in the land of blogs, but will I ever meet any in the real world?
Here’s an even bigger question: Will I ever meet them in China?