Boundaries and Lunch

Sandwich. Image source.

So I'm an American in China, and almost everyone at my job is Chinese. Every day I eat a sandwich for lunch, and people notice and seem to think that's weird.

I get people constantly making comments like "you are having a sandwich again?" and "going to lunch- sandwich again today, right?" and so on and so on.

And I used to care. I used to feel like I had to explain myself and offer justifications that could satisfy them. Like I had to prove to them why it is okay and not weird for me to eat a sandwich every day.

I would tell them that Chinese people eat rice every day, and this is the same thing. Or tell them I have health reasons that I can't eat anything in the cafeteria because it's too oily, and then get annoyed feeling like I'm divulging this personal medical information that's not really any of their business. Or just tell them I like it, and that's why I eat it every day.

I tried all these things, and people wouldn't stop commenting on my lunch.

And then, sometime within the past few years, I learned about boundaries. See, "boundaries" means that I have the right to make my own choices about my own personal life. That it's not up for public debate. When it comes to things that belong to me and affect me and don't affect other people, I get to decide and nobody else gets a say.

This is so fantastic and freeing! Other people's opinions about my lunch have zero weight. ZERO. They can talk all they want, and I'm not obligated to take it into account, or debate them, or explain myself.

Like, oh my goodness, this is wonderful. People can come up to me every day and be like "you're eating a sandwich again" and I can just say "yes" and move on with my life. It really does not matter what they think. I don't have to care! I can continue to eat sandwiches every day solely because I want to. Nobody else gets a say in it.

I used to get annoyed, and angry, and stressed about this. Sometimes I even wanted to hide somewhere to eat lunch so nobody would come say anything to me about it. But now I know about boundaries, and that means I don't have to get angry at other people, because they can't do anything to me. My lunch is my lunch, and that's true regardless of how many comments people make or how well I'm able to debate them.

I just cannot get over how AMAZING this is. Boundaries! Random members of the public don't get a say in what I eat for lunch. I don't have to defend myself or debate them. I don't have to care what they think, because it's LITERALLY 100% my decision and LITERALLY 0% theirs.

I used to think that if I couldn't convince people and make them stop commenting on it, that meant I wasn't "allowed" to eat a sandwich every day. I didn't understand that some things belong to me, and that means I have the right to make choices about those things; even if my choices are illogical, it is still my right to make those choices. Boundaries.

And I just cannot even tell you how good it feels to know I don't have to get into debates about this every day at work. I don't have to defend myself. They can't do anything to me, because my lunch is my decision and nobody else gets a say.

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